The Not-So-Great Commission

Can We Talk?  ............. No, seriously.  I need to get this off my chest and be free of it. It's not flattering and it's not pretty, but it is in fact, where I'm at. And, where I'm at...... is caught- caught in a lie, caught in sin and caught squarely in disobedience.

Can We Talk? .......... We need to talk about this.  Or at least, I need to talk about this. And, what is "this" exactly? Ughhhhh.  It's evangelism.  Sharing the Good News, the Gospel...... You know, that whole "Going into the world" thing?? Taking the truth of God's word, the message of salvation, into a lost and dying world??  "This" is that.  And, "that" has turned my little ordered world upside down.

I have the distinct privilege of going to a church that cares about the lost and not just cares, in a "Dang, I wish they weren't all going to hell" kind of way....... but, in a "Let's organize, mobilize and evangelize the whole world" kind of way.  And, I love it!! I really do! From the top to the bottom, our church is filled with people who are more than a little passionate, about sharing the Gospel........ passionate about seeing lives, families, communities and yes- THE WORLD,  transformed by the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. And, so it is in this environment, this active and vibrant- Gospel sharing environment- I find myself, caught. Completely and utterly, caught.

You see, I thought I was already doing "this".  I thought "this" was one area of my calling that I could feel comfortably good about........ after all, I love Jesus! Really, I L-O-V-E love, the LORD! I talk to and about Jesus all the time, most of the time, in fact.  I go to church, I teach bible studies........ I read the Bible........ I mean, I got "this" down! Don't I? I sure thought I did. I thought I had moved well past the "knowing" and was knee-deep in the "doing" of scripture.

And, I was so close, really I was.  As my dad says " Close only counts in horseshoes."  Close only counts when absolute, right or perfect is not necessary..... when no score is given or winner is declared- close is just fine. But, close doesn't often count in life and if you don't know it yet, let me be the first to tell you- close doesn't count with God. You either are or are not; sinning or not sinning.........hot or cold, obedient or disobedient- there are not degrees to this stuff. What do you call someone who is "kinda saved?"  Lost.  Now, I know that seems harsh and abrasive in our "everyone who participates gets a ribbon" culture........ but, when it comes to taking up your cross and following the Lord Jesus Christ and walking out BIBLICAL obedience, partial obedience is disobedience. Incomplete, delayed or almost obedience.......... is disobedience. You either hit the mark or you don't, and I had missed the mark and found myself in the area of obedience but, not in actual obedience........ and that, is disobedience. Friend, I was circling the block, but didn't have the address. I was knee-deep in "knowing" but, "not doing" and the real kicker is I didn't know I was not doing. But, boy do I know now.

CAUGHT

It all started in January, the Lord was calling me out and into new and deeper waters- waters of obedience.  It was so clear and everywhere I turned, the Lord confirmed this call to uncomfortable and radical obedience.  And, I felt so ready for the challenge!  I was feeling like God was just showing off for me, answering some prayers and petitions that I'd been making for several years.  He has given me some of the greatest opportunities lately....... put people and purposes in my path that are just what I need. And, little by little, calendar square by calendar square, I could see how God was being so faithful in equipping me, leading me and really filling in some of my many gaps......... helping me become the more well-rounded teacher, writer, speaker and disciple that I long to be.  I am getting to be around people who are sooooooo much smarter than me, be around teachers who are way, way better than me, women who have more Bible knowledge and Godly wisdom than I ever will. I wake up every morning and praise Jesus, that I am entirely out of my league in most everything I'm doing right now.  And, that should be enough, shouldn't it? Genuine love of the Lord, genuine growth........ seeking obedience and surrendered to the process.......... those are good things, that's not falling that short is it? Isn't this exactly where we hope our walk leads?

If only God would leave His clay pots alone long enough to dry. But, what kind of Heavenly Father would He be, if adequate was enough for His children? What kind of creator, would stop at day 4 and reply, "Mehhhh- Maybe not perfect, but certainly good enough." Not my God, my God is the God of faithful completion, of exceedingly and abundantly more.... the God of fulfilled purpose and accomplishing all that concerns me.  It's mostly my fault, I guess it's entirely my fault, really....... I did the asking,  "Lord reveal to me areas of my life that are lacking, areas of disobedience........ open doors to sin." What was I thinking?!?! I would have been totally content to just keep doing what I'm doing.  Totally content to keep my busy little schedule of things I love.  If it wasn't for conviction........ wet blanket, gut-check conviction. Killjoy. 

It started one Sunday morning, harmless enough.  Our church was about half way through one session and getting ready for the next session of CWT.... or Can We Talk? Can We Talk? is a 6 week- Wednesday night, evangelism strategy that teaches a believer to share the gospel and to equip others to do the same- an absolute core value of our church.  I've seen the classes, heard the commercials and testimonials and every time, I think, "Praise God! I'm so glad we (the royal we) are doing this, I hope a ton of people go!" I feel nothing but excitement every time it's mentioned, I've even spent time praying on Wednesday nights over their efforts.  I'm a part of this, right?!?!  

   Pastor asked how many people have had someone share the Gospel with them in the last year...... chirp, chirp.  Not to worry, that can happen........ our life is church, our friends are church friends, we talk about church....... at church...... with people..... from church. That's not a bad thing, that's just the circles we run in........ right?  Then, he asked who had shared the Gospel with someone in the last year. I honestly couldn't tell you if anyone raised their hand, I'm sure many did, but I was oblivious- I felt like a white hot light was shining on me. Aw, man!! I know that invisible light, it always accompanies a stirring in my spirit that means, "Hey You! Don't look around, I mean you Sara! This is for you....... It doesn't matter what anyone else answers- "HAVE YOU,  SARA JOHNSON, SHARED THE GOSPEL WITH ANYONE RECENTLY????" Man, I really thought about it. I try to share the Gospel when I speak to a group in some form or another...... I talk about it all the time....... I wanted so badly to see a face come to mind, but I knew there would be none. And, that is how I got caught....... caught on a Sunday morning, caught with my hand down....... caught in what I recognized, and wanted to reject immediately, but knew without question was sin. I started to question, "Why, Lord? I am bold, I'm not afraid of talking about you with anyone, even when it's the hard uncomfortable stuff. Why do I feel so convicted? Why do I have the sneaking suspicion, I might be very wrong?"

THE CONVICTION

One of those Sunday afternoons, I was looking on my Facebook page and it just struck me how many people are doing multi-level marketing stuff......... becoming distributors, ambassadors, independent consultants, life-changers..... whatever you wanna call it- selling stuff.  And, it's good stuff....... skin care, vitamins, fitness stuff.........weight loss, all natural cleaning, make-up, shakes, the occasional spatula....... and on and on. I thought about how many times I've done the very same thing, signed up to sell something or talk about something, and my one criteria? It has to work. How eager we are to proclaim to the world, "This will change your life! This works, it's guaranteed. I've tried it and just look at the results!" Man, I tell you what, I love to share a good deal or a good product. You want a restaurant recommendation? Got it! Doctor, hairdresser, yard guy? Got it, and wait just a sec, 'cause I'll give you a card! And, you can bet your life, if I tried something and actually lost weight, I'm putting up "before's", "during's" and an obnoxious amount of "after" pics!!! And then, I'm selling it to you friend, and I'm going on vacation!!! Personal experience is pretty motivating, huh? "Guaranteed to work," makes us pretty bold, doesn't it?

But, how boldly and confidently am I passing on the name of Jesus? How quick am I to share the name of the one person who is 100% everything, all the time? He never disappoints, you would never be dissatisfied, never regret it..... He only, always makes better, improves the quality, health, performance and beauty of absolutely everything. He has NEVER had a bad review....... He offers a satisfaction money back guarantee and never once, has had to fulfill it.  He keeps every promise He's ever made, IN ALL OF TIME, and it can be proven throughout history. He is always on time, eternally consistent..... he doesn't just deliver...... HE IS THE DELIVERER. And, customer service? Oh, does He ever care about people!  HE GAVE HIS VERY OWN LIFE, FOR PEOPLE- FOR YOU.

And, you wanna talk about "before's and after's"??? Wow, now that is the really exciting part! Darkness to Light, lost to saved, hell to heaven; dead to life, filthy to clean; alone, unwanted and unworthy....... to loved, desired and redeemed?? I was thinking about this that Sunday, I don't have any "before" pics from before I met Jesus. I don't have any pics of my despair or defeat. I have "before" scars, "before" wounds..... now healing nicely,  I cried "before" tears and hurt from "before" pain, but didn't take time for any selfies. Nothing to run through Instagram and add an artsy filter or snappy caption to.  No pics of what lost looked like, it looked mostly like everyone else, anyway. I don't have "before" pics of my depression or disappointment....... I don't really have any good pics that show just how insecure, afraid or broken I was, how in need of a Savior I was......... but, praise Jesus, I have the "after's".  Friend, I am the "after." My "after" wakes up every morning glad to be alive, blessed with a husband and family, a calling, hope and a peace about every day before and every day to come.  My "after's" aren't on a wall secured or held by a pin- they are living, breathing..... in my heart and home, secured by my Savior and held in HIS hand.  Oh, I absolutely have the "after's," friend; my "after's" call me Mama and Babe and prove that God is the gracious, JOY GIVER every day.  My "after" is what motivates me to stay in the Word, share everything I possibly can, tell every single thing the Lord does for me.  I could "sell" this standing on my head based on my "before and after!"  Given the time and opportunity,  I could convince anyone to buy into this- and not based on my ability, but my God's reality.

But, where's my website, where are my recruits and converts?  Where are the people that I have shared my treasure with who are now walking in their "after" and multiplying around me? Where is the fruit of the love, I thought so loud?  Maybe I'm not as bold as I'd like to think.

THE CONFUSION

The more I prayed about this, the more I began to question my boldness, my obedience.  In fact, the more I prayed about Can We Talk? the more confused, convicted and uncertain I became.  How can I feel so convicted to do something that I'm already doing?  I love the Bible, I love to teach it and talk about it. I love to share my faith and what the Lord is doing in my life.  My goal is to be a disciple and disciple maker....... what am I missing, Lord?  I shouldn't feel this way, I should feel great about my efforts to share the Gospel, I should feel great about my great commission....... I mean as good as anyone who's not an evangelist should feel.............
   "You see, evangelism is not really my gift. Some people are evangelists, some are not and I am not.  I am a teacher (I use the term loosely)....... I want to expound on God's word, be a small part of someones discipleship process.  I love evangelism, I value and support it, but it's not my calling. And, you should really identify your gift and then serve in that area or you become frustrated........... "

    As I write that, I am embarrassed at how ridiculous that sounds, and not because it's incorrect-it's not........... but, because I incorrectly applied it.  I had used spiritual gifting, or lack thereof, to excuse myself from doing the most important thing God instructed His church to do:
“Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:19-20
  
    I thought, in my "wisdom," I had identified my strengths and was going to focus on just those.  I thought sharing the gospel, literally telling a lost person about Jesus, was the work of an evangelist- one who possesses the necessary boldness, language and skills to do this- skills I don't have.  I thought rather than "mess it up" I should leave it to those who "do it right, who get it right," this most important conversation.  You do your thing and I'll do mine...... and when you put them together........ Ta da!!! The great commission!  It's not that I didn't want to be a part of the great commission, it's that I thought I already was. But, the reality is that my great commission is not so great, after all.

You see, those powerful directives, "Go and make disciples...... Share the good news...... Be fishers of men...." those weren't instructions given to just pastors, evangelists or the apostles, but the church- the whole church.  Me..... and YOU. But, I wasn't "going" anywhere or "making" anything- I was very much "staying." I had stepped out of the boat altogether and allowed myself to simply help in the cleaning process, from the safety of the shore.

THE COMMISSION
And, here is what the Lord convicted me of: 
*Encouraging other believers in their faith...... is not the same thing as sharing the Gospel. 
*Leading a Christian lifestyle and letting that be my testimony.... is not the same thing as sharing the Gospel.
*Teaching at church, Christians who are already in church, about a God they already believe in....... is not the same thing as sharing the Gospel.

   This world is dark and growing darker, it does not need my color commentary on Jesus- it needs my Jesus.  Personality, blogs and wall plaque religion do not bring the dead to life or set captives free. This world needs a Savior, not sympathetic scribes.

And, my words, when compared with the supernaturally empowered Word, are insignificant....... unless my words are His Words.

   Now, please hear my heart, this may seem like semantics and subtleties- but, there is a difference and it's one we simply must understand.  These things are Biblical, good and valuable- they are a necessary and important part of making disciples- but, they are insufficient without sharing the Gospel.  And, my zeal for, and commitment to, the disciple making process is in vain, if I'm not in fact........ making disciples. These are steps in the same process, but steps 2-5 are irrelevant if step 1 is not done first. It's like saying I am passionate about building homes, about seeing them built correctly, beautifully and to their fullest potential....... but, I care nothing about their foundations. Am I really that passionate about building homes, if I do nothing to ensure they stand?

You cannot disciple the lost.  You cannot help someone who has no faith, grow in their faith.  You cannot instill the truths of scripture to someone, if they do not know the God who inspired them. You cannot build upon which, there is no foundation.  And, our God is in the foundation business, solid rock, in fact.  So, we my friends- must be in the foundation business; the first step, ground floor, square one, back to basics business of.......... Sharing the Gospel. 

My name is Sara Johnson. I am the wife of a worship pastor. I am called to ministry. I have served in ministry for 13 years and while I have tried to encourage and challenge other believers, tried to minister to and meet the needs of the lost or hurting, I am guilty of allowing others to fulfill MY great commission.  I have shared the Gospel as a counselor at camps, a speaker at retreats and a volunteer at altars. But, the only stranger I have ever met and asked point blank- "Do you believe that Jesus Christ is Lord?" was a homeless man in New Orleans named Jose Ferrer, and he asked me first. A homeless man who stood on street corners with Bible verses scrawled on cardboard and a Bible degreed, Bible teaching pastor's wife.......... And, who was more obedient in their call to share the Gospel?  No need to respond, I already know the answer and it breaks my heart.  I am guilty of pursuing and accumulating knowledge and then withholding it from those who needed it most, guilty of waiting in my sanctuary for you to wander in- instead of going into your darkness to find you.

   Imagine someone on fire and you encounter them and you just happen to know something about fire, in fact you were once on fire, too.  And, what a small world this is, such perfect timing! You not only know all about fire- how the fire started, different kinds of fires and why they burn differently......... how frustrating, hopeless and painful it can be; but, you know how to put the the fire out! You know how to end it, begin healing, how to prevent future fires...... in fact you know how to undo the damage entirely, like it never happened! Wow, that is so great that you know all that and you just encountered someone clearly engulfed in flames.   And, as you walk by you have such a deep sense of purpose and satisfaction that you know all you know.......... but, you don't pour water on them. You don't put out their fire.  

    You find yourself thinking "Man, I hope someone helps them, I hope someone more comfortable or gifted than me, comes along to put out their fire........ and if they do, I'll faithfully teach them all I know.  Come see me at church......... and I'll tell you how to recover, heal and avoid matches.

Isn't that exactly what I've done? Whether I intended to or not I omitted the most important, relevant piece of information. What I have said with my great commission omission was, "I hope someone tells them about Jesus, so I can tell them how to walk a little closer with Him."

THE CHALLENGE
That's a difficult thing to digest.  It's upsetting and disappointing to realize you have fallen short in an area of such significance. But, the precious thing about our Father, is that He reveals sin for our good. I don't feel condemned, I feel convicted. I don't feel charged, I feel challenged.  This process and journey has led me closer to my Savior, not further away.  When the Holy Spirit and the Word correct, growth and obedience follow.

 
I signed up for Can We Talk? We are two weeks in and though it makes me nervous and a little scared- I'm all in! Some people are truly gifted evangelists and I may never be one of them, but my responsibility as a believer is to be equipped, prepared and willing. This session of CWT has 286 people signed up for it. That's 286 people, seeking to be equipped to boldly share the Gospel...... 286 people getting into cars on Wednesday nights and going into enemy territory, to be light in dark places.  This Wednesday, the Gospel was shared 90 times to 137 people and saw 24 pray to receive Christ.  24 people that didn't know freedom, now do.  24 people who had not just their day changed but, their eternity changed.

I've been practicing my outline on my kids........ at first I can tell I'm mechanical, awkward and seem silly to them.  They watch as I show them with my hands what Jesus did on the cross and I find myself wondering, will it be me who leads my children to the Lord?  I pray for their salvation everyday,  I have entrusted it to the Lord and have begun to praise Him for it, in advance.  But, I also understand it may be a Sunday school teacher, a friend, their daddy or Papa who leads them to the Lord.  I've begun praying for whomever that person may be, praying they are somewhere walking through scripture; being obedient, even if it's uncomfortable, to their great commission calling. 

I've also started to pray for those whom I'm being prepared for.  There are people in my territory and I'm not sure how or when our paths will cross, but I'm certain they will........ and I will be ready with Step 1 of Disciple-Making: Sharing the Gospel.