Saturday, February 15, 2014

My Jericho Wall




I’ve known and existed with you for more days than I can count. In the morning you are there.......before my feet take their first steps, the reality of you shapes my day- what I will and won’t........ or can’t do. And, in the evening you bid me good night, a gentle reminder of your painful and undesired consistency. You have been my faithful companion of doubt and fear. When the sun shines and light bounces off your frame and in the darkest of night....... even in shadows, I can make out your borders. I’ve seen you from a distance, I’ve even run towards you, into the wind and full of what I thought was courage........ determined to overcome. But, the closer I got the more imposing you became, until my run slowed to walk.....my speed and determination, left somewhere on the ground behind me. And, we stood face to face again- as we have so many times and it’s always me who turns first, who bows my head and shrinks back. So tired of disappointment, so tired of failure......it’s become less painful, to never endeavor.

For so long, I thought you were there for my protection, a boundary to help me identify my territory, my lot.  A barrier to teach me to be content with what you have deemed is enough. But, the days are increasing in number when I find myself restless within your limits. I find myself wondering what your absence would be like........ wondering what is on the other side, what is it that you hide from me? You see, I’ve been listening to the words of another. It started as an occasional whisper, but the voice grows louder and more insistent, He begs my attention and demands my action. And, even though what He proposes seems impossible...... it’s illogical, even dangerous...... I find that it awakens something in my spirit. And, I think I’d like to see what impossible looks like. My life will never be entirely free of disappointment or pain, and it may indeed be marked by man’s defeat...... but, I will accept my defeat struggling to ascend and no longer in the ground, never having climbed.

You have filled my horizon and blocked my vision, you obstruct my light and distort my direction. Your very presence meant to intimidate me and remind me of this truth- I AM INADEQUATE. Everyday you remind me that I am not enough, that I am not fully free or fully able. Everyday you mock my efforts as I attempt to move forward, everyday you encourage me to give up, to be satisfied with my dissatisfaction.  Everyday- until today. Whether kept in or kept out, I’m growing tired of being kept. And, so I’ve come to tell you that today- it ends. Today, is the end of our story together. And, not because I have become any greater or more able, indeed I am as you say- inadequate. I possess no greater power or wealth, knowledge or wisdom, above all or even any other....... But, I am reminded there is one who does........... and it is not you.

I met a man on this road between us, a man greater than other men, ready for battle and empowered by the Lord, a man who has seen victory over principalities and kingdoms of darkness. He reminded me that this ground, this very ground- where you have towered and I have cowered, is neither mine nor yours- But, God’s and God’s alone.    Whether it held my wilderness or your vastness, this ground is His- and it is Holy. So, I am done begging you to relent or show me mercy, I am no longer bound by your defeat. Now, I petition The One who is greater than us all.
Out of His loving-kindness, He responds to my cries. He has been with me all along, ever-faithful, ever-loving....... for many days He’s been my Comfort, my Protector and Shelter. He has led me in truth and grace, My Good Shepherd- Jehovah-Rohi. It is my Shepherd’s voice I’ve been hearing, it is to Him I respond. He speaks to my brokenness, to my weakness and fear and He reminds me of His fidelity, His Word and pledge........ and even when I have nothing else, when I am tired and afraid, I can rest in Him. But, the time to rest is over.

He declares, it is time to move forward...... not in my strength, but in His alone. He is my Banner, Jehovah-Nissi, the battle belongs to Him and His victory is already won. I am not a great warrior, but I serve the Lord of Armies and the only weapon He asks me to carry is that of obedience and I carry it gladly. I have been circling you, silent steps of faith for 6 days. He has quieted the voices of fear, the voices that taunt and discourage, the voices that remind me of past defeats...... He has silenced them all. I only hear the voice of my Savior, He guards my mind and commands my steps, each step walked out- building quiet courage...... but, today we shout, today we roar!

Do you hear my steps today? Do they sound differently than before? It is not me you should fear, but The One who walks with me and we are kicking up dust today. Today there will be shaking and quaking and trembling..... and for the first time in so long, it won’t be from me. Today the trumpets will sound and the shouts of His children will fill the air, as the Presence of the Lord comes to tear down walls...... comes to subdue this land. He has come to give access, where everyday before it has been denied. He has come to bring freedom and life to those who’ve been in chains. He has come as my defender and covenant keeper. Today, He has come to reduce my boundaries and limits to dust, to call me out of wilderness and into promise.

I once had a wall. But, my God traded me for a city.