Wednesday, January 25, 2012

On the Road, Again....

   There is a difference between moving from somewhere and leaving. I believe it is the same difference between being called to leave and not wanting to stay any longer, and it makes all the difference in the world. One is a change of location or job, the other is an act of obedience and falls under the the blessing and provision of the Holy Spirit. We'll spend more time on that another day.

   We were called to leave. And, we were also called to another specific place, not just anywhere but here. When you see God's leading so clearly, as we did, there is no second guessing, no wondering if this is the right choice or right place. It easy to move forward and not look back when you know the Lord is not just walking with you, but directing your steps.

   This is my absolute favorite part of the story! You just won't even believe the rest. If you were present during this part, give a shout out, so people know I'm not making it up. It's that unbelievable.

   Over the course of 2 months, it became very clear that God was leading us to Spring, Texas. I will spend more on how we knew that later, it is it's own miracle, too. I want to get you caught up to where we are today! Even though we had such certainty and clarity about making all the decisions to leave, each one still stung just a bit. Putting our house on the market was no different.

   The last year had been so chaotic and consuming that most of the detailing, decorating and organizing I wanted to do had been put on hold and was now doing, to get our house ready to sell. My mom, dad and I, or Andy and I, really tried to enjoy the days we spent getting things off our honey-do list, decluttering and perfecting things. It really was a precious time together. I bet I planted $300 dollars worth of mums. I told a friend I was a rage gardener, some run.....I mum. I didn't have to do it and I knew I couldn't take them with me, but it gave me joy during a difficult time and I smiled every time I drove up to our house, even with a "For Sale" sign in the yard.

   We almost never do business with people in our ministry area or church, period. We also knew this may be a difficult market and house, with it being so personalized. It could have been a potentially precarious situation for everyone. But we really felt like the Lord, was leading us to use some of our close friends/church members to list our house. Even though, it was as  emotionally difficult for them to sell our house, as it was for us to leave it.  There is something to be said about realtors who pray over your home, who use not just common sense but discernment, to help you make decisions. Thank you, Gary and Trudi Owen.
  There is a price you can sell your home at in May, and a price you can sell at in November. There is a price you can sell at if you have  nothing but time, there is a price for selling your house quickly. In that regard, we had nothing going for us. There were at least 6 houses around us that had been sitting there for months and even though we were probably going to lose money anyway, we couldn't afford to low ball ourselves. Andy and I prayed about it, the Owen's prayed about it, and we felt that if God was in this, He would show us favor and we priced our home at the very top of what was still fair. And, on the market it went.

   I remember sitting in a driveway across the street when the realtors toured our home and just bawling. It was a tough thing, to see people with no attachment or affection for what you were going through, parade through and objectively, professionally, assess your homes value. It was priceless to us. After one of the showings, I came back home and parked in front. A precious friend had texted me a bible verse earlier in the week and I hadn't had time to read it yet, but I was sitting in the car praying and could come up with nothing of comfort for myself. So, I got out my phone to look up the verse.
   As I sat in my car, in front of the house, with the sign and the mums, I read this:  "Behold, I am doing a new thing! Now it SPRINGS up; do you not see it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:19 Thank you, Jesus. Thanks, friend.

   We put our house on the  market and then left to make our first trip to Spring. We showed it 8 times in 5 days and the first day of our trip to Houston, we had an offer......for asking price. When all was said and done, our house sold in less than a week for $2500 over asking price and we closed one month later, taking away just over $5,000.

FINDING THE NEXT HOUSE.......
   We knew we were going to Spring, maybe even before they knew if they wanted us. We knew the first day we visited, and the first time we met the pastor and staff, that this is where God was calling us. We began looking at houses on the internet, as our generation does, and it seemed like we could get a ton of house for the money. We saw 3500 square foot dream homes in the $150k range. It seemed like shooting fish in a barrel, just take your pick of one of a hundred great houses.
   But, when we got there and were in a position to feel comfortable looking, the list of possible choices grew smaller and smaller. To be in the right school district, close to the church, in our range and good for young families......that narrowed it way down. On our second trip, we went with a realtor to see some of the houses we thought were so great, as it turned out, they were not near as great, in person. With every house she showed us, we got further and further from church. There is a lot we were willing to give up, but being as close as possible to church, was not one of them. When Andy asked about wanting to see things closer, the realtor jokingly responded "Suck it Up! This is Houston." I know she was kidding, but it wasn't funny to us, and so we found ourselves, for the second time, breaking our rule about church members. We knew we were supposed to change realtor's and we knew we were supposed to change to one recommended by someone at the church. We were so discouraged after our first outing. The houses weren't just cosmetically bad, they had things you couldn't overcome, like being on busy streets, or bad schools, in neighborhoods with only older retired couples (not a bad thing, just hard to walk to a buddies house for the kids.) The morning before we met with the new realtor, we prayed that God would help us find our home. We had already seen God take care of every possible detail we could have imagined, and we knew He had a home for us....just show it to us Lord! Andy prayed specifically, that Amy (our divinely appointed realtor) would show us something new, something we hadn't seen before, on any websites or listings.

   After the first 3 or 4 houses, we were discouraged all over again, as the reality set in. We were never going to be in a house like we had. With each one we saw, Andy would point out what he would miss most about our last house. Which for him, was mostly tall ceilings! We had to pull ourselves together, we had to get over it and accept that we shouldn't make comparisons at all. I sat in the backseat with my sunglasses on, trying to hide the fact that I was crying. I was praying "Lord, we don't care where or what it looks like, just lead us to the house you want us to be in and we will buy it, no questions asked."
   Amy knew we were disappointed and as we headed back to the church, she suggested we make one last stop. "I know you're not interested in new construction after what you've been through, but this is close to the church and there are some houses this builder has in inventory, that are finished but not sold." At that point, we would have looked anywhere. We drove into nice neighborhood, that looked active and cheerful. The first inventory house we looked at was so much better than what we had seen before, but still not quite right. But, at least it was encouraging! We looked at a few more, talked to a sales rep.......he showed us a floor plan for one he thought might work, and it did, but they didn't have any available. As we all stood in one of the houses, and he looked over his papers, he began telling us that the floor plan we wanted was actually scheduled for a build and that it was available....but we would need to pick out everything.......not a problem!

   Friends, we are building, or have already built, I should say, our second brand new home!!!! We couldn't believe it, when Andy and I realized what the Lord was doing we just laughed and giggled. Seriously, Lord?!?! You would do this?!?! And, Yes He would!!! This was the most practical house budget wise, was 5 minutes from the church and closer than anything we had looked at before, this was in an amazing school district, with a brand new elementary school in walking distance, there were neighborhood pools and parks, soccer fields, walking trails, everything......and yes, very tall ceilings.
   When we started to do the paperwork, God continued to outdo Himself. Our house was the first sale of November, so that's $10,000 off. It is the last home of  this subdivision, so that's $5,000 off. It was already supposed to have upgraded stone on the front, do you mind having that?!.....Um, no! This one also must have a covered back patio, you can't change it. Is that OK? It's supposed to have upgraded appliances, no cost to you, is that OK? YES!!!!!! Friends, we are basically building our last, beloved house......only bigger. We sent their design center our link to the MLS for our old "new" house and they basically recreated it for the "new, new" house!!!!!!!! I can't put enough exclamation points!!!!

  When went down for Andy's first Sunday, we went to see the house. The first thing I noticed was the garage doors. They were not the ones I picked. They were the upgraded ones....that are awesome! The other thing that "wasn't right" was all of the can lights in the living room, which I love but didn't pick to keep our cost down. Andy and I were OK with the "flaws," thrilled in fact, but knew the right thing to do was tell someone, after all we hadn't paid for them. When we mentioned it to our sales rep, he informed us that some new things had taken affect January 1st. They were supposed to be for only new houses in the next unit, but since ours was still in progress, they included it. The upgraded  awesome garage doors, aren't an upgrade anymore, they are standard. When you do the covered patio, it now comes with the upgraded lighting package. He hoped we didn't mind.................


   The babies and I are loaded up, and in just a few minutes will get on the road to Spring, When we get there, we will drive to our new home for the homeowners demonstration and close on it Friday morning. It was completed in exactly 2 months. We didn't get to do the house blessing or write scriptures on the wall, but I believe, in fact I know, that the Holy Spirit has been encamped over the lot where our home was being built....for at least two months, and probably longer. He has surely left His mark on it and blessed it from the foundation to the roof. It is beautiful, and has tremendous curb appeal.......the stone looks amazing, and the yard is already done, with a tree ( a big deal in Lubbock!) But, all I see when I look at our new home, the House My Father has prepared for us........is the cross.


We just knew our home, in Spartanburg, would never be matched. We knew, when faced with insurmountable debt and medical bills, we would never even be homeowners again. And we absolutely knew, that we had built our one and only dream home, only to never own it and leave it exactly one year later. We knew we would never find a house in Houston.............but, somehow in all that, we forgot that we KNOW Jesus. We KNOW the maker of heaven and earth, the Author and Perfecter of our faith, Provider, Sustainer, Deliverer, Comforter and Friend.....the Real Joy Giver. And, He KNOWS us. And He KNOWS the plans HE has for us.




We took this picture of our family, late at night after we had spent the day being boxed up and cleaning the house, in preparation for closing, the next morning. Our last day in the house, with all the grandparents we were moving from, standing in front of us..........taking our picture. We smiled and said "cheese!" though we weren't necessarily happy, more tired and a little sad. Growing up, we moved a lot.Taking your picture with a sign declaring your next destination is a tradition on my side. As we stood in the empty house, trying to decide what to write, Andy and I knew what it should say. And, we needed our family, our friends and young children to see it and know that we believe it......
GOD IS GOOD.


Blessings,
Sara, Andy and the Babies



Sunday, January 22, 2012

IN MY FATHER'S HOUSE........

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  I have told this story so far through houses, it has given me parameters to edit out parts that are unrelated and allowed me to spend considerable time on things, that seemed less significant when they occurred. But, I could tell this same story and tell it only through the passages of the Scripture that the Lord led us to this year or through the different and new people that God used to encourage and challenge us. Yes, friends, I could recount this exact story but tell it only through the theme of weather, strangely the weather, the endless drought and need for rain over the last year, parallels this story. But, the next most precious way I would tell it would be through songs, the songs that have ministered to me at different times of my life and for different reasons would tell a powerful tale.
   I was listening to one such song today, "I Lift My Hands," from Chris Tomlin. "As I pour out my heart, these things I remember, You are faithful God forever." It carries an entirely new meaning today, than it did before. I was pouring out very different things a few months ago and clinging to the belief that was God faithful, though I couldn't see how. I was lifting my hands weakly in surrender and now they are raised in praise. Only God.

   Even in December, when our world came crashing down, we didn't actually consider we would be leaving our new home. In fact, it wasn't until July that I began to understand what God may be leading us to and someday I will tell you that story, it will be called "Wreckage."

   If we had known, we would only be there a year, we would have done things quite differently. We would have built a house for resale, and as you can see, we did the exact opposite. Our home had our personality written all over it. Sweet Andy, who let me recreate exactly what I envisioned only had a few wants. It was so simple really. Andy objected to so little I wanted to do, for heaven's sake he let me take square feet from the living area to make a laundry room we could have lived in! When it came to the few things he really wanted, I would have moved heaven and earth to make sure he got each and every one.Our house was custom, and custom to us meant raising every bless-ed cabinet, shelf  and clothes rod to accommodate Andy. This was the first time Andy's shirts and pants didn't drag the ground, his shoes fit on the shelves and the shower didn't rain down at chest high. The shower was taller, the vanities taller and the doors...you guessed it, taller. This was a luxury for him, indeed. The contractor thought I was crazy when I gave my dimensions and flatly refused some things, until he saw Andy......and then he kindly walked us through the house making sure everything was the right height. And we loved it, Andy loved it.

   The thought of moving and leaving Lubbock was something that it took months to even consider and even more months to realize may actually happen. The Lord does that on purpose, I think. He let us see manageable, digestible portions of His will, so we were not paralyzed or overwhelmed. He lead us gently and kindly toward His purpose, as a Good Shepherd does, and with each step patiently waited, until we were ready for Him to reveal more.

 I told you earlier about when I realized what an extravagant gift our home was........ I wish I could tell you it was after deep prayer or meditation, but it wasn't. It was in the bathroom, the custom bathroom, as I sat in the tub. It was July, and I was beginning to understand that though we had prayed and believed for restoration, God was answering us in a different way. It had been washing over us for a few days and wasn't quite so raw anymore and I was sitting in the tub, looking at the tile. I was thinking how no one could possibly appreciate the trips made back and forth, the time spent putting those together, so it would be just so, for my man. No one would ever appreciate the time and love that went into every detail. And, then I thought to myself, how ironic it was that we never actually owned the house.

Did you catch that? Don't miss it, I was thinking how strange and funny that though it was indeed, our house- we built it and lived in it, after all.........we never owned it. Let me explain. The house, did in fact go over budget and past the completion date. Quite a bit, as it turned out. Most of that we paid out of pocket along the way, but as we approached closing in November, we wanted to roll closing costs into our loan. We were working with a local bank, with whom we had a good relationship, and they suggested keeping our interim construction loan until it matured just 3 months later, and then roll everything in. So that's what we did, we kept our interim construction loan until it reached a full year and then set a closing date. In the meantime, we paid only the interest.
   Evidently, working with mortgages takes its toll on people. When March came around, our loan was being handled by it's third account manager. We set a date for closing, but closing never came. In the shuffling of people and papers, some of our file was missing. They were very apologetic and asked if we wouldn't mind extending our interim loan 3 months until a supervisor could go over it. And, on we march.....to June. In June, the bank president called and had heard we might be moving. He was very concerned for us and pointed out that we could be facing 2 closings, one to buy and one to sell. Selling after 1 year and having 2 closings, in this market, would destroy us financially. He prayed for us, gave us another extension and  told us to let him know how else they could help. I had never met this man, but he knew my daddy. * See earlier notes on why living in Lubbock, Tx and being the daughter of my earthly father, is only a blessing.

Back to the tub....
    I have such a limited understanding of the things of God, it's embarrassing. But, I have a healthy enough fear and reverence for who He is, that I did not dare tell Him it was unfair. I have understood, for quite sometime, that I walk under an undeserved canopy of His grace and mercy, He is both shade and shelter. So, I will not shake my fist at Him, like an insolent child. I will not. But, I did confess, with my lips and tears, my broken heart, my grief over the house and all that leaving it meant. And, I think that's Ok, I believe He honors that pain. He knows when His children are wounded and He deals with us so tenderly when we tell Him how bad it hurts and ask for His comfort.

"Lord, I trust you but I don't understand. Help me understand."

As I was getting out, and now thinking and praying over these things, the reality that we may be leaving, the irony that we had built a home that was exactly as we wanted only to leave, not ever having owned the silly thing...."Lord, How does that happen? Why would you let us have it if we can't keep it? How could it have been "so us" and  yet never really ours?" His response made me stand very still and hold my breath.

IT WAS NEVER YOURS TO KEEP. "Lord?" IT WAS NEVER YOURS TO KEEP. "How can that be, Lord? What was it then?"  BORROWED. "Borrowed? Why let us do all this, for a house that was borrowed?" BECAUSE IT DELIGHTED YOU. "You let me design every inch, pick every single thing for a RENT house?" THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I DID. I COULD HAVE LEFT YOU IN YOUR LITTLE HOUSE ON 23RD, BUT I KNEW THE STEPS OF FAITH I WOULD ASK YOU TO TAKE THIS YEAR AND I WANTED YOU TO BE IN MY HOUSE, WHEN I ASKED.

   It came over me like a flood and I understood it all and it all overwhelmed me. We started building this house 9 months before we ever moved in and had a few months of planning, before we ever started. The Lord knew even then and began making preparations for us. None of this was careless or haphazard. The Lord knew this season was coming long before I ever did and orchestrated all of these things so that when it came, we would be in THE HOUSE, My Father prepared for us. He just let me decorate it.

   As I stood there, in the bathroom, looking into our bedroom, He brought to mind the floor in front of me. I was looking at the carpet where twice before I had laid on my face before Him. I would love to tell you that I am such a prayer warrior and so deep, that I often pray laying on the ground. I have done some kneeling, lots of standing, lots of sitting....but only three times in my life have I gotten on my face in prayer. Once, 2 years earlier, in the house on 23rd, I was faced with losing my life and leaving my precious husband and babies with no mama. I cried out to God for wisdom and the strength to trust Him. I remember having to move furniture to make room and vacuum before I lay down.
   The second time, was in the new house, in February. I laid down in that spot and cried out to God for His intervention and restoration. The third time, was a couple days earlier when I realized we were being called to leave. I cried out to God for wisdom and the strength to trust Him. I felt the Holy spirit showing me, "SEE, I KNEW WHAT YOU NEEDED." Now, I didn't "need" new carpet so I would put my face on it, but that's what makes it so extravagant. I didn't need any of it, but He did it just for me, just because.
  
   He reminded me that THE HOUSE, He prepared, was prepared for the many Godly men and women, who would come  to meet us, the pastors from our city and around the state who came offering encouragement, counsel and prayer. In THE HOUSE, I could be gracious and hospitable. It was prepared for our family, friends and fellow staff, who could come to relax and fellowship. It was prepared with a place in the kitchen, where I could spread out my Bible and books and seek Him, in the morning. It was the perfect spot for me, because He let me measure and remeasure it a hundred times.

   If God would have let us build our dream home  and that was the end of the story, it would have been enough. But, the fact that He let us build our dream home, purely to delight us and make the 1 year we rented it at half price, more enjoyable and comfortable.....to meet the unique needs we had last year, to allow a season of teaching and testing to be done in such a beautiful home? I told you THE HOUSE, was a gift so extravagant, and by definition it was. Extravagant means:  Exceeding the limits of reason or necessity.  Lacking in moderation, balance, and restraint. And, isn't He?

That night I dried off, got dressed and got my cleaning stuff out. I began with the tile in the bathroom....and a toothbrush, and began getting it ready to sell. What a special priviledge, what an honor, to prepare this house for whom it was intended.






Saturday, January 21, 2012

Getting Floored

   Our house turned out to be better than we could have imagined. But, it wasn't entirely smooth sailing. We had agreed upon a budget and then adjusted accordingly to stay within it. If the cost of something was going to affect our bottom line, we either did without or paid out of pocket.

   One of the instances where we needed to make such a decision was on the floors. We knew we would be in the house forever and it would be easier to get the floors we wanted now as opposed to later. So, with toddlers, we splurged on wood and a good carpet in the living area. Funny thing about that was you pay up front, in full, to have it put back for later.  There was just no way we could do that. No credit cards, remember?

  We shopped around and found what really were the most practical choices, awesome, but practical. But, without the money, couldn't afford to reserve it. A day or two later, I got a notice in the mail from Spartanburg District 7. I hadn't been a teacher for District 7 since May 1st of 2007, and this was now July of 2010. Teacher's retirement was notifying me that I had an unknown amount in my account and if not returning to teach, could withdraw it, with a penalty. I knew it couldn't be much, I had only taught in SC for one year and that year had ended abruptly when Emerson came early. I called anyway, just to see.
   I spoke with a very nice woman who informed me that I had a little over $3000 in my retirement fund, plus a bonus for being in a high risk job and not filing any injury claims. (For those new in the audience, I taught in a self-contained unit for emotionally disturbed youth.) I didn't even know that was a real thing! In 3 years, I had never heard a word about it. Between not completing the school year and Emerson's health insurance, I had interacted with the district quite a bit in between and never knew about this money. Within the week, I received a "thank you for your service" letter and my check for just under $4000. Minus $38, my penalty for withdrawing it early.



Killer floors provided by the great state of South Carolina.
 God did things just like that throughout the building of the house. Every time it seemed like this could be a disaster or was taking way too long, God would come through in some way that said, "Hang in there, this is exactly what you're supposed to be doing. I'm going to see it through, just trust me."

 And He did......so we did. We were supposed to move in, in July. We moved in early November, 2 weeks before Berk's 2nd birthday and 3 weeks before our Christmas program. Remember that small window before our busy season? This wasn't it, lots went out that window. But, that's a story for a different time.






Heck, Yes Zebra!

   The house was beautiful and we loved it. I loved it. I really did. We had Pumpkin's birthday party, had the Christmas program and exactly five days later our season in the wilderness began. Not everyone can go back and give a specific date for such a season, but I can. December 13th. I know the day, the event and almost the hour that our whole world was turned upside down and shaken. And it was one month after we moved in.




The Building of The House

   *Disclaimer- We are gonna build the house and leave the house, so you hear the best part sooner, then go back to talk about living in the house. This makes sense in my head.


   When Andy and I came to Lubbock, there was a standing offer from a builder in our church. He would build a custom home at cost for any of the pastors on staff. We had been there 2 1/2 years and hadn't really felt led to take him up on this generous offer. After things settled down with Berkley and our finances, we began looking at houses. We wanted to be close to the church, in a good school district and we wanted to be able to entertain in our home. We spent several weeks looking, but continually came back to the builder.
 
   Please understand, there were a number of reasons that we were cautious and hesitant about building a house. It was not at all a case of us dying to do this or refusing other options. It was never something we were cavalier about. There's a lot of gray area in building a house. If you have ever done this before, you know it's easy to go over budget and easy to take longer than you anticipated. In fact, I would say it's normal if you do both. But we are not normal people...no snickering. We didn't have a flexible budget that gave us latitude and we really had a short window between our busy seasons that would work to move. From the beginning, everything in the natural made us want to wait and find something else. But, our spirits kept drawing us towards building. We weren't sure why we felt like the Lord was leading us to do this, but we did feel certain He was. So we began praying, we prayed for protection through the process, wisdom in decision making, and that finances would come available as needed. And, in March we broke ground on THE HOUSE.




As soon as it was framed, we had our family and both sets of grandparents come to the house and we had a house blessing. This does not involve incense or holy water. Each of us had spent several days praying about what Bible verses we felt the Lord leading us to and then we showed up with babies, blankets, Bibles and Sharpies....lots of Sharpies.


   We went room by room and prayed in agreement  over every specific area. We prayed for each of the kids rooms by name, asking for protection, wisdom and joy as we parent them. We prayed for their tender little hearts, as this would be the room they would learn about Christ, say bedtime prayers and one day ask Him into their hearts. And then we each wrote our chosen Scriptures.                    

   And, then we prayed in the Name of Jesus, by the blood of Jesus that the Enemy be bound from our children, our marriage and our home. Because we have just enough Holy Ghost in us!  Ha-laaaay-loooooo!
  
   There is no magic in what we did. It's not any kind of enchantment or spell. It's way more powerful than that. What we, did as a family, was acknowledge that everything we have comes from God. Our children, our marriage, our resources and yes, our new home was a direct result of His grace and provision. And because He has blessed us, we were committing to keeping our covenant with Him, in how we preserve each of these areas. Andy and I are very easy going and spontaneous people, but we are intentional and deliberate about things that are important. We were intentional about building the house. We didn't know how important this house would be, but we knew it was important and we knew we needed God in it. We wanted God's Name and Word in the foundation we built on, on the beams that would support our earthly covering, on the walls and in the halls, on the doors that we would pass through.....in and out of our sanctuary, in and out of our mission field.



Thoughtfulness went into every phase of the house. Even the lot was not an accident. The only lot the builder had available when we decided to build was less than half a mile and directly in front of the church with nothing separating us but a field and a dirt road. We could walk out our front door and to the South, see  our church, completely unobstructed. In the coming months, I often found myself standing in the yard, looking towards the church.



This verse, Hebrews 13:15 will be significant later.

    Anyone who has a home, whether they built it or not, has a tremendous sense of ownership and affection for their home. And, it was no different for us......Maybe a little different.....perhaps a tad.

    My first career was as an interior designer. I spent years planning and designing other peoples homes and I thoroughly enjoyed it. But, as I'm sure you can imagine, there is some level of frustration when you are always creating someone else's vision. It's still fun, but with every project you find yourself spending as much time thinking about what you would have done, if it were yours.
  
   Don't get me wrong, I got to fix up whatever house we were in, however I wanted to. (Thank you, honey!) But, building your own home from the dirt up, is every designer's dream job. In my case, outlandishly unrealistic fantasy job. People in ministry don't build new houses. At least, not very often. Perhaps better said, people in ministry don't go into ministry with this on their short list of objectives.
  
   Our builder gave us lots of freedom and opportunity to make choices and I took full advantage of every one. I got to pick out every light, every mirror and every knob. And not out of a set choice list or predetermined options. If I could find it reasonably, I could use it. It was the most fun I'd ever had! And it wasn't just picking out stuff either, I got to design every inch of every room. Inches, people! My favorite thing in my former, glamorous (Ha!) life was kitchen design. I spent weeks drawing elevations of cabinets, squeezing every inch out of every foot. I spent countless hours walking out traffic patterns and testing better heights and widths. I'm sure Andy thought I was a lunatic, as soon as he would come home I would start laying out wrinkled sheets of graph paper, taped together, with bits of fruit or smudgy finger prints all over them. And I would give him my "pitch" of why this one must go here or there or how ridiculous kitchens designed by men were...neanderthals. He would just smile and say "Great." "I love it." I knew he was just as excited as I was and didn't have the words to express it....enter winking emoticon here. Y'all by the time it was time to actually cut a piece of wood for a cabinet, I had done an entire virtual model of the kitchen using nothing but eyeshadow and the Crayola 48 as my palette! I was a nut! It was so gratifying and so fun. I enjoyed the whole process, hang ups and all.

 


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Friday, January 20, 2012

Overwhelmed

   Let me briefly interrupt our story, to tell you how completely humbled and overwhelmed I am at how God is using this. I simply wasn't prepared and now feel grossly inadequate. We are in this unique window of time, having left the church we were serving in December and beginning our new one in January......I don't move until next week and Andy is already there. I don't really have anything to do while I wait except play Strawberry Shortcake and pretend to be the lesser known Jedi, Mom-wow-loon (Emerson's choosing.) So I thought I would start my blog again and share the parts worth sharing from the last year.
   But, I couldn't have imagined how it has impacted me. I put my first blog, in seven months, on the wall 10 days ago. There have been just under 2000 views. I only know who you are by your comments, messages or likes on FB, I only see numbers on the blog. I have received such encouragement from so many friends either through the blog or on FB and I am so sincerely appreciative. But yesterday, I began hearing from your friends, some are co-workers or go to church with you, some are family or connected to you in some other way. Some are anonymous and I don't know them at all and maybe you don't either. It stunned me. It immediately made me want to choose my words more carefully, not for the sake of grammar, but really, choose my words more carefully.
   It made me want to make sure I was telling you the right thing, in the right way and for the right reasons. But, I'm not a pastor or a speaker....and when I try to think about what you, whomever you are, needs to hear or what would encourage you most, I draw a blank. I got nothin'. I really would like to share something surprisingly mature or insightful....but I say things like "I got nothin'." And it's not a typo, I mean exactly that. I think freakin is an acceptable adverb.  I have no understanding of comma usage, I use dots........... excessively and write "yeah" when I mean "yea." I refer to my eldest born as Toad and my youngest as Pumpkin Patch and don't know why. I'm not quite sure how to compensate for all that or who I am. I've spent the last day and a half trying to think of something to say that is somehow more worthy of your time than stories about houses I've lived in.
   I'm so honored that you are here, so deeply, deeply honored. But, all I can do is tell you what the Lord is doing in our lives. If I limited my posts to "deep thoughts" or what I think about such and such or our daily activities, it would get old very quickly, and it still may. I am not an "interesting" person, I don't mean that in a pathetic or pitiful way, I wouldn't necessarily say I'm boring either. I think of those commercials with "the Most Interesting Man Alive," and his sage advice for precarious situations, in exotic places. I've traveled more in the last 3 months than in the last 5 years and never even left Texas. Right this minute, I have in my purse, one single black trouser sock that Toad wears at meals because he thinks it makes him look like Anakin, post cut off hand....loose M&M's, 'cause we are potty training Berky and a new 2012 calendar with 3 important dates penciled in......that's right, 3 and they are all next week. But, what God is doing is the exciting part, it is the Salt and interest of anything that has ever or will ever happen in my life....and yours too. And I will gladly tell you about it, if you will graciously let me.
   Please pardon my punctuation or lack there of. Pardon my wandering train of thought, it so often gets derailed. I am working towards a point, but it's not always chronological, or apparent for that matter. And, please pardon my illustrations, they are often about the mundane. This is often how my understanding of the Lord is....... I frequently miss the emphasis, chase after Him down meandering roads, after I missed the turn and end up in places I didn't dream I would be. And, there He is, waiting....on me....and on you.

Thank you again, I am richly blessed by your presence.
Sara


                                                MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU........................................



Thursday, January 19, 2012

Financial Peace

   The next part of our story goes in a bit of a different direction, but is integral to seeing the complete picture of "THE HOUSES." If I was writing a book, this would be the chapter where tithing and giving are the mega-themes and it would be called Financial Peace.

   After Berkley was born and we settled back into our life, the next  devastating season began shortly thereafter.....as the medical bills started rolling in. Berkley was born at 28 weeks, spent months in the NICU, weeks in an isolated critical care room and at 6 months old had acquired a serious amount of debt for such a tiny thing. Not to mention that I had been in ICU for a week, had blood and labs drawn round the clock and sometimes every two hours when I was at my worst. The night Berky was born, I was about 20 minutes away from having a pacemaker put in, so there was a stream of cardiologists and other specialized Dr's coming in and out. Between Berkley and I, we had $516,000 in medical expenses.......after insurance.

   Whatever was supposed to be filed when we started our job in Lubbock wasn't filed or wasn't found. Either way we had minimal medical coverage. During my pregnancy, I thought we were working towards paying a $2000 deductible and we were actually plowing through a $2000 maximum and had no idea. It took several weeks for things to be filed with insurance and there were multiple departments and doctors doing separate bills, so oblivious to the disaster headed towards us, we began making our payments as we received bills. It wasn't until 2 or 3 months later that we started getting the ones for $35,000.....$60,000....$225,000. I remember one afternoon the phone rang and an automated "courtesy" recording was on the other end. I laughed out loud when I heard the recording announce to me in fragmented speech, "Good afternoon....you owe $74,000....dollars.....would you...like to pay.....over the phone?" Ha! Would I like to pay over the phone?! Sure!!! Let me just get my credit card, or better yet, cash!!

   I spent hours a day, for weeks and months, trying to get to the bottom of where things went wrong. And my sweet dad probably doubled that. At the time, he was our church's associate pastor. Even though the errors had occurred long before he was there, as a dad, as the administrator, as a pastor....he was just sick. Physically, sick. Everyone was. I had never known before the absolute consuming burden that accompanies debt and financial stress. But, I knew it now.

   As the spouse who handled our finances, I was hearing in person, every day, how impossible our situation was. It wasn't the hospitals fault. Our insurance company certainly wasn't going to admit fault that cost them hundreds of thousands of dollars. We didn't qualify for financial assistance of any kind from anywhere. There was no solution. Andy and I felt very strongly that we wanted and needed to continue to pay medical bills. Berkley and I had received extraordinary care by an amazing hospital system and they all deserved to be paid, everyone of them. But, we also found out that even though we were paying bills monthly, the hospital as a whole doesn't handle payment plans.....they all go to collections and you work out your financing with them. The only way to not go to collections was to pay balances in full, an impossibility for us. There was no way to avoid destroying our credit. We could spend literally our entire lives paying down these bills and never pay them off. We could spend literally our entire lives paying this debt only to pass the remainder on to our adult children.
   I used to wonder how people found themselves declaring bankruptcy. How do you get yourself in a situation where bankruptcy is even a consideration, much less a necessity? And, now I knew. Medical debt. At least, that's how we found ourselves there. I never dreamed we would be in this position. As believers, as pastors, finances are something you guard and protect. Andy and I didn't have credit cards, didn't spend recklessly or lavishly, we drove cars that were paid off....we, up until this point, had succeeded in being pretty fair stewards of our money. You see we, like many others, understand that it's all His anyway.

Let me interject my little sermonette here.

   There are two ways we can feel about our finances. The first........Our salary comes directly from the faithfulness and obedience of you, the church, or you, the church, that tithes anyway. Our salary comes from tithes. So, thank you. Sincerely, thank you. This is simplified of course, but true to a degree. There's no grants or endowments that fund us......no corporation that supports  us. It's the church and the people in it. The obedience of others allows pastors, ministers, missionaries, lay people, Sunday school teachers, volunteers, etc to share the love of Christ and the good news of the Gospel. That's no small thing. It's a miracle, in fact! It's a miracle that God can take coins from a child in Texas and use them to bring salvation to a child in Guatemala or Africa. It's a miracle that God can take my purposed offering and bless Israel and then bless me! That's amazing, there is no formula or accounting principle for how God can multiply and bless the fruit of a generous heart. So with that said......What kind of example would we be, if our lives and spending were out of control? How could we talk about being good stewards if we ourselves were not? How could we talk about tithing if we do not? The church and its leaders should annoy themselves with how above and beyond they go, to have integrity in finances and make wise decisions with their resources. I do not believe they will walk in favor when they don't. We feel the same about our personal finances as well.
   Taking it a step further, having our financial house in order protects our marriage. This is a potentially huge area of strife and tension in any relationship. But, when you bring your finances (like all else), under the authority of Scripture, God blesses, honors and protects it. Why am I telling you this, you ask? Because, I want you to see how seriously we have taken making stewardship a priority, so you can also see how completely devastating it was for us to have this area annihilated.

 
   Here, is the other way we feel about our finances. And, this is the part that I get most excited about! Our salary and resources come from God, and God alone. And while we want to be mindful of our name and reputation, as it concerns  our lives and ministry, it's our standing with God that is the primary force behind all we do. We've almost never had a church member ask about our finances. But the Lord need not ask, He already knows. The Lord knows the things we think we hide from others, He sees our pride and greed, the things we hold so tightly in our closed fist.      
   There is no pretending with God, It is He who made us and He who sanctifies us. It is because of God, that we try to keep our house in order, our hearts in order. It is because we want to be a part of the amazing things that God alone can do. Do you understand that........God lets us do things in cooperation with Him, because it blesses and benefits us? Though He could do infinitely more, infinitely faster on His own, He lets us come along side His will and give our resources and energy, our prayers and gifts, our offering and tithe and He takes what is in our humble hands and uses it, to bless us, bless others and make His glory and presence known.

   God doesn't need your money to operate, but He wants that part of YOUR heart and mind that thinks YOU need it to operate. He wants us to trust Him with meeting our needs, He is our supply and our Provider. But, we hinder Him when we are trying to be the source that He already is.

   So, you can give out of obedience. That's fine. You can give because it seems like something "good people" should do.  Those are both great, but still miss the point. Give because it's exciting! Give because every time you do, it's an act of worship and thanksgiving! Give because it puts you in just the right place to test God and see His consistent faithfulness.  Give because it releases God's power and authority over every need you could ever have. Give because it gives you a testimony that is unbelievable and an honor to share. Give because He protects the things He has dominion over.

So where did that leave us? Why is this part of the story of houses?

   We were in agony, for almost an entire year. We had made every phone call, written every letter possible, made every appeal and could do nothing to help ourselves. We prayed over it every day, several times a day. "Lord, Help us!" I truly had no idea how stressed money could make me. I was a wreck. I worried about it all day, every day. We had gone from good shape to obliterated in a matter of months. And in my head and in my heart, the part that made me the most deeply saddened, the part that broke my heart to think about, was a recurring fear. The fear that consumed me, was that we would never be able to own a house ever again. We would never get out of my sad little rent house, we would never be homeowners. I know it sounds materialistic, and it probably is, but I knew the Lord would meet our needs, I wasn't worried about food or clothes, things we actually needed. But, this wasn't a need, it was a want, having a different home was my want. We didn't need a better house or a bigger house, where we were was plenty good and we had made it nice. I didn't want to be selfish or greedy or pouty. But, in my prayers and in my tears I begged God to let me leave that house. I begged God to somehow "fix" things so I could raise my babies somewhere else. "Save us from ruin, Lord. Save us from all the things this would mean for our future and our children."

   For months, my dad went to the business office at the hospital several times a week. He spoke to every possible person, followed every suggestion. We went as far as you could possibly go with our insurance provider, including a conference call with the president who basically implied that insurance wasn't really designed with preemies in mind. At almost a year, we had come to a place where we either needed to declare bankruptcy or ask  for help. Bankruptcy would protect future income and at some point years later, we could rebuild our credit. Many wise people encouraged us to do just that. We just could not get there. We wanted to pay as much as we could, it was partially a pride issue, and one the Lord was dealing with us about. We didn't want to call in favors or ask our church for help. In an idealistic way, we felt like that would somehow compromise our ability to serve out of a pure heart. It seems silly, but we didn't want there to be any question about our heart. We wanted to be able to give and serve out of heart that was called and thankful, and not because we were paying something back. It made sense at the time! Either way, we had to make a decision. We didn't feel a peace about any of our choices and committed to continue praying about it for the remainder of the week.
  My dad knew and had spoken with every single person who could have helped us. But, that week he was making visits and thought he would stop in one last time. He went to the office, spoke to the same secretary as every time before. She said nothing had changed, they still couldn't offer any assistance...but have you talked to "so and so?" In a year, dad had never heard her name mentioned before but after a few phone calls, was able to speak briefly with this woman. He explained our situation and that we were at a point where we needed to make some decisions and at least wanted to confirm the total amount of debt. When she accessed their network she kept getting different totals, so she said she would get back with him later and give him a final number.
  
   That evening, she called to say that she had thought about it and reread the notes. It seemed our situation was "catastrophic" and no fault of our own. If we could pay one bill in particular, that couldn't be grouped with the others, they would write off the remainder, including some of what was still pending insurance filing.  In one afternoon, in the span of a few hours, we had at a minimum of $516,000 and as much as $800,000 in debt cancelled. My dad went to her office immediately and wrote a check for several thousand dollars out of his own pocket, before he even told us what had happened.

   He and mom called us to come to their house. When we got there, his face was red and wet with tears. He could hardly speak except to tell us "It's done. It's all over. God has answered our prayers." As the story of his encounter unfolded, we wept in amazement and relief.  I wept for days, I just couldn't get over the magnitude of what the Lord had done for us, I found myself overwhelmed a lot. It was a pivotal moment in my walk with the Lord, it changed forever my ability to trust Him, with even the impossible.


That experience prepared us for the next time we would need to release an impossible situation to the Lord. It made us more willing to recognize our helpless state, more able to wait on His promises, more able to give things up and give them up gladly.

And now, friends, we arrive at The House.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Little House on the Prairie

  I almost forgot about the house between houses. To be honest, I didn't think it was worth mentioning, inconsequential as it was. But, the more I thought about it, this little house had it's own purpose and season.
You have to admit, though, it looks sad even in the picture. Completely unintentional, but it does seem  a little dramatic right?!

 
 When we landed in Lubbock, we landed at my old college rent house. Not a coincidence, it was recently vacated. It was such a blessing to have somewhere to live, no strings attached, until we found a permanent house. But, there were strings attached. In fact, there was a lot attached, not just strings.

   If you know my testimony at all, you know college was a difficult season for me. A season of tremendous growth, but also the painful pruning that preceded it. This house, though a blessing indeed, was also the burial ground of the old me. To me, it was a constant reminder of stupid decisions, lost scholarships, failed classes, failed friendships, wasted time and opportunity.....this was the house where every disappointment I had in myself lived........and now I was moving back in with it.

   When God got a hold of me in college, I sold out completely and literally walked away from the life I had. I left jobs, friends, degree plans...... I changed schools, I changed majors, I changed addresses and never once went back. I lived in town 3 or 4 more years and never had the desire to even drive by my old house. I clung to these verses:

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"       2 Corinthians 5:17.

 "He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." Revelations 21:5.
 
   And I really was a new creation! His words ARE trustworthy and true! It wasn't pretending or being a hypocrite, it wasn't hiding anything. I was finally walking in the freedom and grace, we were all meant to, and it gave me clarity, confidence, hope and a future. And that's the part I wanted to see and celebrate everyday. It's part of my testimony, or more accurately God's testimony in me, and I have no problem sharing with young people all of the highly effective ways I learned to not succeed in college. But, God has done so much more since then. It makes me sad when I hear someone share their testimony and the only thing that comes to mind is their salvation experience as a youngster. Yes, it's important, vitally important. But that's not where His work was faithfully completed, it's just where it began. A yielded spirit should be able to testify to so much more.

   And yet somehow, God's mysterious ways led me back to where I started. And this time, I brought Andy, Emerson and soon to be Berkley. Now, none of this history necessarily interfered with daily living. I don't know that I've even really shared how I felt about it with anyone, except Andy. We still made precious memories and had good times there, I just wasn't very motivated to get to comfortable or settle in there. I needed it to be temporary and it was...for 3 years.

                          And, wouldn't you know that when it mattered most, we couldn't have been in a better place when Berkley was born. One of things that made our little house so inconvenient was that it was entirely across town from the church, grandparents, etc. It was too far to have a home group there and too far to go back and forth very much, with babies and naps.
   But, it was at the most a mile and half from the NICU. The only way I could have lived closer to Berky for the 3 months she was in the NICU was if I had lived in a trailer in the parking lot, as so, so many did.
   That little house made it possible for me to get things done at the house, spend time with Emerson, be available for Andy or church and still go see that sweet thing whenever I wanted.


Thank you, thank you Jesus for that sweet little house on 23rd. Thank you for providing it so we could come to Lubbock seamlessly. Thank you for the precious two 1st birthdays, one 2nd birthday and one 3rd birthday around a cramped little table. Thank you for the rooms filled with crashing drums or the beeps of Berky's heart monitor, that you could hear no matter where you were. Thank you for meeting the needs of our growing family in giving us this house.....and the next.

 



Saturday, January 14, 2012

The House




When we realized we might be moving from Lubbock, many people's first response was "What about your house?" or "Oh no, your house!" Why the shock or sympathetic horror? Because 'THE HOUSE" was never just "a house" and it has a story all it's own.

   I would love to write a story book of all the things God does, but I get overwhelmed when I try to think of how to start. Do I write chronologically or group them by theme? Do I start with the major story and then follow the thread to completion before I start another? You see, with God, it's "all connected." ( This is a nod to one of our beloved former pastors, Mike Hamlet.) It's so true. It's ALL connected. This is my favorite part of walking with the Lord and studying scripture. You can peel back layer upon layer and find new, fresh and relevant meaning every time.

   I suppose you could view your life as independent separate experiences, but I think it would be depressing. If the trials had no meaning or the seasons of joy hadn't been built on those trials? Truly, depressing. I much prefer the "God did this, so then this, which opened the door to that, then God led us to this, so we would learn this, and finally, God was exalted in all of it" approach.  Each chapter would have overlapping categories and themes, lessons learned...lessons repeated.  With God's hand skillfully weaving individual threads into a complete and amazing story, a story that begins and ends in Him.

   The story of the house or houses, as it were, would fall under, protection, faithfulness, God's timing, tithing and giving, and for sure miracles. But, when I think about the story of "THE HOUSE," my heart just melts and I immediately think of the good gifts a Father gives His children. This kind of gift  is so extravagant and so unnecessary, but it's not given to manipulate or coerce affection. It's the very desire of your heart, that you never dare speak aloud, given purely  to delight you and demonstrate His love. In this story, and in my heart, 'THE HOUSE" is one such gift. And, while others may have enjoyed it and others now own it, it was given to me. My Father gave it to me. I am humbled and overwhelmed even now to think about it.

   My Father gave me this gift in particular, to show me several things. It showed me that God knows me in a personal and intimate way and is not "out there" or distant. It showed me that even though God does sometimes work in broad, general ways for the good of everyone, He also does the one thing for the one person, that matters and benefits no one else...unless you're the one person.  It showed me that God's plan for the last year was put in motion long ago, this was so comforting to me because it meant that not a moment of it was wasted. It helped me to see everything in a coordinated timeline, with a planned and purposed beginning, a masterfully executed and prepared for ending....and no accidents in between. Not a single day or a single prayer was superfluous. Every disappointment, every dose of reality, every blessing was necessary to propel me closer to now. Closer to Him.

   To appreciate "THE HOUSE," you must first understand all that was before it. I think most believers, and especially people in ministry, will tell you that when God is in it, it just works out. Our circumstances have never adhered to practical logic or predictability, not in any area. Our romance and wedding was out of a movie, our 2 preemies, my health, Andy's talent, our finances....all of it has defied even resembling normalcy, but bowed without resistance to God's touch. Especially, in regards to houses. I'm not sure why, though I have a pretty good idea,  but this is an area God has protected and blessed us in. Still does.

And so it begins....on Pinelake Court.


 This was our first house, in Spartanburg, SC. It's probably not funny to anyone else, but it only just now occurred to me the two houses kind of resemble each other.

 When we moved to SC, I desperately wanted to buy a house in the only historic district in the city and renovate. We tried and tried, and either deals would fall through, roadblocks would come up, blemishes would reveal themselves.....we just could not make it happen.

I was so discouraged. I kept telling Andy, "This is the perfect time of our lives for a project. It's just the two of us, we have two incomes...we won't want do this in 10 years." There were a limited number of house in that area and we had explored every one to no end. A few days later, we found Pinelake Court. We loved it immediately. There was a pond in the back, azaleas, hydrangeas, dogwoods. Coming from West Texas, it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. We purchased Pinelake way under value from siblings who were feuding after their parents death. It seemed they enjoyed using the house to torment each other and kept lowering the price to gouge the others profit. They agreed on nothing, except us. As it turns out, their mother's father had been a music minister and though they snarled and hissed at each other, they both smiled sentimentally and agreed, Mother would have loved knowing there was music in the house.
That brother and sister walked away from closing with $600 split between them and their realtor. Two days before we closed on Pinelake Court, we found out I was pregnant. We had no idea at the time, but God had protected us in unbelievable ways.



 We could have never known that my school year would end early, my pregnancy would end early, all the energy I had would be gone from high blood pressure and HELLP Syndrome.  I spent the weeks and months I thought I should have been rehabbing fighting for my life, trying to regain my health, visiting a baby in NICU for months.

 If we had bought the house I thought we needed, our finances would have been devastated. We could have lost everything trying to get out of it, unable to do the work ourselves.


                
We moved into Pinelake Court right before Christmas 2006. We had everything we owned unloaded into the front living room and we locked the door and drove to Charlotte to catch a flight home. We were newlyweds, in a great city, in a great house, at a great church and expecting our first child. It was pure bliss.

   After we had such a scare with Emerson, we wanted to be closer to family or at least more accessible. We began praying about where God would lead us next. It was mid 2007 and the housing market was beginning to stall. We should have taken a hit on a house we'd only been in a year, the house should have sat on the market....But God. Pinelake Court never went on the market. We sold it to our Sunday school teachers, whose family we still dearly love, at a fair asking price and we prayed together with them and an attorney from church at closing.

   We were so excited when we found out we would be coming to Lubbock. There was not a single negative about coming to Lubbock, except the house. I don't know how many times Andy and I would laugh and sigh while we looked at apartments and houses, "We'll never have a house like Pinelake." We must have said it a hundred times over the next year. We had accepted the reality that the greatest and best house we would ever own was gone after only a year.  We still had pictures in our phones and we would show people our backyard, with the pond and trees.....and then we would all have a good laugh, because there ain't nothin' like that in Lubbock.

Enter.....THE HOUSE.