The Poets Prophet

I always think I am going to share a quick story, but I almost never do. It amazes me all over again when I think back on how the Lord was working and moving in our midst last year. It's never really until there is some time and distance between you and your season that you can really appreciate the fullness of God's provision, of how thoughtful he was in meeting your needs. I am so glad that I journaled through this year so I can retrace some of it again.

I spent most of last year praying for relief, some kind of intervention. And, eventually I did get that, but long before that was realized, I was given so much more. The Lord gave me amazing relationships, timely and wise counsel, experiences that tested and grew me, discernment- so that I could really active participate in what He was doing, and not miss out. Priceless, absolutely priceless. We walked this road with people that will forever be in our lives, some new friends, some old friends, everyone with a purpose. And, each of them deserve their own separate tribute and given the time, I'd be honored to write each one. But for now, I share these- the prophet and the poet.

Aw, man. I can't believe I just used the word prophet and used it referring to a person still living. That makes me nervous.

    I actually had to take a few deep breaths and pull myself together a bit just now. Is this really a conversation I am willing to have? To so many of you, you lived this with us and walked through this with us.....I don't have to convince you of anything, you were there. But some of you weren't, and not only is it possible that you won't believe this, it's possible it will offend you. Not offended, like "I've said something inappropriate or crude"........offended like " I just brought up a taboo subject at the dinner table and no one knows what to do with it."  And truly, that is not my intention, please forgive me. Good grief, Sara! I'm making myself uncomfortable!

   What's the thing no one talks about? Or at least not in my Baptist history..............I won't even say "Baptists" because many of you may already know all of this, but I will say "I."

   I didn't know, what I didn't know, about the Holy Spirit. I didn't understand, really understand, spiritual gifts or spiritual warfare. Which is ironic, for a couple reasons- One, giving spiritual gifts surveys is kinda the thing to do, I've taken several, but unless yours is teaching, serving, giving, mercy........the ones whose name's explain what you're supposed to do with it..........you may be hard pressed for any direction. The other irony- I have a degree in Religion, I'm in ministry! I'm sort of one of the ones who shouldn't be clueless! But, how clueless I was! If the Lord showed me anything last year, it's that there are things we are not teaching/don't know about prayer, about the Holy Spirit, about the reality of darkness and spiritual attack, about walking in authority and victory, about discernment..........But, God is good and part of His provision for me this last year was bringing people into my life, who had an abundance of all that I lacked. And, let me be the first to tell you, I am still coming to terms with all of this, I still don't have the answers, but I do know that I want to know.

Moving on.......

   One of the most miraculous and important friendships I will ever have, began quite unexpectedly....in fact so unexpectedly, that at first I questioned the intention. Never before, had God spoken to me through another person the way He spoke to me through Autumn.  I don't know that in my lifetime, I will ever have that same experience again. Truth be known, and I happen to know it, it caught her more than a little off guard too. You see, it wasn't any effort on our parts that brought all this about, in fact it was totally in spite of it. It was like God continued to fling us at each other, until we realized, maybe we should be walking this out together. And to think, it began with an innocent email.

   The funny thing about the Wilderness, you may not be the only one in it, but there's not a whole lot of chatting going on there. God may use the same Wilderness to teach very different things. Everyone is there for different reasons, different lessons, following after the Lord down different paths......You see each other around and you may wave or hug, try to encourage as much as you can.......but then you continue on, in solitude. And, that's as it should be. But, sometimes the Lord ordains you walk with someone by your side for a while, welcomed company. I don't honestly know that Autumn even knew I was in the Wilderness, but nonetheless, she was sending me mail there.

   One day in March, I got the nicest email. Just a genuinely appreciative, thoughtful email just thanking Andy and I for our ministry. Remember we talked about how you can bless people with your words? This is one of the best examples of that.  Should have been the end of it, except that I in my state assumed.......she must know something, she's heard something! I responded, thanking her for truly one of the most encouraging things I'd heard in a while, but I also asked what prompted her kindness. See, Autumn and I were friendly, but only saw each other in passing. We didn't talk on the phone, or FB, we weren't having lunches or getting our families together.............which is why it seemed so unexpected. Her answer was so simple- the Lord brought you to mind, had a conversation about how much she appreciated what we were trying to do through worship, decided to share it. No gossip, no scandal, not fishing for information.

   As it turned out, that would not be the last time He would bring me to her mind. A couple of times in March and April, I would get a note from Autumn, always a timely word, always exactly when I needed it. But I still wasn't at a place where I felt like I could share what were going through, so all I could offer was a "thank you."And I was truly thankful. Autumn couldn't have known it, but her words of encouragement or prayers, were reaching me in my worst times, literally within minutes or hours of cries to God for help or understanding, Ding! You've got mail!

   It wasn't until early May, that I actually understood God was bringing her into my life on purpose. But, once I understood it, I paid careful attention. Last year, there were 2 events that truly almost devastated me beyond recovery. Twice, that I thought I couldn't possibly survive another moment. There is a lot you can endure for yourself, but seeing the people you love and care about hurt is just agony.  In May, one of my dearest friends was treated so cruelly and callously and I was helpless to do anything to stop it or make it better. Seeing her pain, her great pain, was one of the most difficult things to bear in the Wilderness. Satan really attacked me here,  I was so angry, I was questioning God, ministry, whether or not He knew what He was doing and whether I cared to find out. I had several hours of inconsolable, weeping, darkness and oppression. I was  left so tired and weak, that when I finally got it together, I just sat in my car, in the driveway, not sure where to go or what to do. I began confessing all this to the Lord, and begging for Him to speak clearly to me. I knew this was one of those pivotal moments where people in ministry decide to stay in ministry or decide it's not worth it. Leaving ministry or walking away from what I know to be true about the nature of Christ was never an option. But, certainly there are wounds that are so deep they chip away at your ability to be used in the kingdom, unless you confess, repent and let Christ heal them. For months, I had tried to be diligent to search out a word from the Lord for everyday, but part of my confession that day was that I was just too tired, I didn't trust myself to hear His voice anymore.  As I sat in my car, I was holding my phone trying to think of who I could call or ask to pray for me.........sure enough, an email from Autumn came through right then. Not only did her words offer encouragement for how to see what was happening and get through it, but gave me such wise counsel about what to do about it and that was.......nothing. Be submissive to authority and trust that God would take care of my friend. Strangely, the exact opposite of what I would have chosen.

   I was so overwhelmed at how God had answered my prayers, I was filled with peace, hope and renewed resolve. Embarrassingly, I was also filled with the desire to drive myself to Autumn's house......unannounced........during dinner.......looking recently hysterical......... to thank her and give her confirmation that the Holy Spirit was using her to minister to me.

   *I think it's important to understand that people extend themselves by offering, counsel, a word, encouragement- that's a vulnerable place to be, hoping you understood the Holy Spirit right and that you are not about to seem ridiculous to someone. I always try to offer confirmation when I am on the receiving end of someones obedience, it edifies everyone. It gives them boldness and confidence to trust that it was in fact Spirit-led, encourages them to trust Him again, it gives us an opportunity to praise and thank God for His wisdom and helps me to know that the Lord heard my cries.

   I was met at the door by a very puzzled Autumn and her even more puzzled husband. They graciously allowed me to come in while they cleared the table and got a little one tucked in. I wasn't sure what to say but I wanted Autumn to know that she was part of a miracle, that God used her reluctant voice, and desire for obedience like a laser, sending a ray of His light into my dark world. I wanted to know what it was like to hear God so clearly, to fully realize that He was imparting a word to you, for someone else. It blew my mind. I didn't understand how she was not as freaked out about this as I was. Autumn had knowledge and understanding, that I did not have. Autumn had a heritage through her parents and family that gave a totally different level understanding.

  There's more to that story, but another day perhaps.

   Why would I refer to Autumn as "prophet" (for the sake of a title)  or better said, has the gift of prophecy as one of her spiritual gifts? Prophet is not someone wondering in a robe shouting nonsense at passerby's. Nor is it someone who is reading palms or giving psychic readings. It simply means someone who is discerning, who perceives the heart of God and speaks it, to edify the body. Now, here is where the taboo subject comes in. This is a lengthy theological discussion that I am neither qualified nor desirous of having. All I know is what God did in my life, and again, I'm still trying to understand that for myself.

  Autumn and I continued on this way for months. She didn't want to know anything, I didn't want to have to tell her anything. But, time after time, even with days or weeks in between, we would exchange a text or email, and find we were studying the same thing, had the same Rhema word for that day. It was bizarre, fascinating and comical all at the same time. I remember, being so excited to call her about something the Lord had really showed me that day out of Daniel, and she was so excited to tell me what she had been praying about, from the same verses. It became so predictable, how God would use her, that on really difficult days or if something had happened, I fully expected to hear from her and I almost always did. Her spirit would be troubled for me, even if she didn't know or understand why. I knew that she and her family were praying for us all the time, and not just us, but everyone. She was always very measured and careful about what she said to me, she always brought it back to Scripture, she was always humbly checking herself and her own flesh. This is how iron sharpens iron. Not by taking up your offenses, or retaliating, not by giving you permission to speak or act recklessly. She became a steady compass, that I could trust to point me back to Jesus.

   It was this relationship that prompted me to call Autumn in July, from Dallas after our car wreck, asking if she could point me to wise counsel. And she did, she pointed me to Terese........the poet.