Financial Peace

   The next part of our story goes in a bit of a different direction, but is integral to seeing the complete picture of "THE HOUSES." If I was writing a book, this would be the chapter where tithing and giving are the mega-themes and it would be called Financial Peace.

   After Berkley was born and we settled back into our life, the next  devastating season began shortly thereafter.....as the medical bills started rolling in. Berkley was born at 28 weeks, spent months in the NICU, weeks in an isolated critical care room and at 6 months old had acquired a serious amount of debt for such a tiny thing. Not to mention that I had been in ICU for a week, had blood and labs drawn round the clock and sometimes every two hours when I was at my worst. The night Berky was born, I was about 20 minutes away from having a pacemaker put in, so there was a stream of cardiologists and other specialized Dr's coming in and out. Between Berkley and I, we had $516,000 in medical expenses.......after insurance.

   Whatever was supposed to be filed when we started our job in Lubbock wasn't filed or wasn't found. Either way we had minimal medical coverage. During my pregnancy, I thought we were working towards paying a $2000 deductible and we were actually plowing through a $2000 maximum and had no idea. It took several weeks for things to be filed with insurance and there were multiple departments and doctors doing separate bills, so oblivious to the disaster headed towards us, we began making our payments as we received bills. It wasn't until 2 or 3 months later that we started getting the ones for $35,000.....$60,000....$225,000. I remember one afternoon the phone rang and an automated "courtesy" recording was on the other end. I laughed out loud when I heard the recording announce to me in fragmented speech, "Good afternoon....you owe $74,000....dollars.....would you...like to pay.....over the phone?" Ha! Would I like to pay over the phone?! Sure!!! Let me just get my credit card, or better yet, cash!!

   I spent hours a day, for weeks and months, trying to get to the bottom of where things went wrong. And my sweet dad probably doubled that. At the time, he was our church's associate pastor. Even though the errors had occurred long before he was there, as a dad, as the administrator, as a pastor....he was just sick. Physically, sick. Everyone was. I had never known before the absolute consuming burden that accompanies debt and financial stress. But, I knew it now.

   As the spouse who handled our finances, I was hearing in person, every day, how impossible our situation was. It wasn't the hospitals fault. Our insurance company certainly wasn't going to admit fault that cost them hundreds of thousands of dollars. We didn't qualify for financial assistance of any kind from anywhere. There was no solution. Andy and I felt very strongly that we wanted and needed to continue to pay medical bills. Berkley and I had received extraordinary care by an amazing hospital system and they all deserved to be paid, everyone of them. But, we also found out that even though we were paying bills monthly, the hospital as a whole doesn't handle payment plans.....they all go to collections and you work out your financing with them. The only way to not go to collections was to pay balances in full, an impossibility for us. There was no way to avoid destroying our credit. We could spend literally our entire lives paying down these bills and never pay them off. We could spend literally our entire lives paying this debt only to pass the remainder on to our adult children.
   I used to wonder how people found themselves declaring bankruptcy. How do you get yourself in a situation where bankruptcy is even a consideration, much less a necessity? And, now I knew. Medical debt. At least, that's how we found ourselves there. I never dreamed we would be in this position. As believers, as pastors, finances are something you guard and protect. Andy and I didn't have credit cards, didn't spend recklessly or lavishly, we drove cars that were paid off....we, up until this point, had succeeded in being pretty fair stewards of our money. You see we, like many others, understand that it's all His anyway.

Let me interject my little sermonette here.

   There are two ways we can feel about our finances. The first........Our salary comes directly from the faithfulness and obedience of you, the church, or you, the church, that tithes anyway. Our salary comes from tithes. So, thank you. Sincerely, thank you. This is simplified of course, but true to a degree. There's no grants or endowments that fund us......no corporation that supports  us. It's the church and the people in it. The obedience of others allows pastors, ministers, missionaries, lay people, Sunday school teachers, volunteers, etc to share the love of Christ and the good news of the Gospel. That's no small thing. It's a miracle, in fact! It's a miracle that God can take coins from a child in Texas and use them to bring salvation to a child in Guatemala or Africa. It's a miracle that God can take my purposed offering and bless Israel and then bless me! That's amazing, there is no formula or accounting principle for how God can multiply and bless the fruit of a generous heart. So with that said......What kind of example would we be, if our lives and spending were out of control? How could we talk about being good stewards if we ourselves were not? How could we talk about tithing if we do not? The church and its leaders should annoy themselves with how above and beyond they go, to have integrity in finances and make wise decisions with their resources. I do not believe they will walk in favor when they don't. We feel the same about our personal finances as well.
   Taking it a step further, having our financial house in order protects our marriage. This is a potentially huge area of strife and tension in any relationship. But, when you bring your finances (like all else), under the authority of Scripture, God blesses, honors and protects it. Why am I telling you this, you ask? Because, I want you to see how seriously we have taken making stewardship a priority, so you can also see how completely devastating it was for us to have this area annihilated.

 
   Here, is the other way we feel about our finances. And, this is the part that I get most excited about! Our salary and resources come from God, and God alone. And while we want to be mindful of our name and reputation, as it concerns  our lives and ministry, it's our standing with God that is the primary force behind all we do. We've almost never had a church member ask about our finances. But the Lord need not ask, He already knows. The Lord knows the things we think we hide from others, He sees our pride and greed, the things we hold so tightly in our closed fist.      
   There is no pretending with God, It is He who made us and He who sanctifies us. It is because of God, that we try to keep our house in order, our hearts in order. It is because we want to be a part of the amazing things that God alone can do. Do you understand that........God lets us do things in cooperation with Him, because it blesses and benefits us? Though He could do infinitely more, infinitely faster on His own, He lets us come along side His will and give our resources and energy, our prayers and gifts, our offering and tithe and He takes what is in our humble hands and uses it, to bless us, bless others and make His glory and presence known.

   God doesn't need your money to operate, but He wants that part of YOUR heart and mind that thinks YOU need it to operate. He wants us to trust Him with meeting our needs, He is our supply and our Provider. But, we hinder Him when we are trying to be the source that He already is.

   So, you can give out of obedience. That's fine. You can give because it seems like something "good people" should do.  Those are both great, but still miss the point. Give because it's exciting! Give because every time you do, it's an act of worship and thanksgiving! Give because it puts you in just the right place to test God and see His consistent faithfulness.  Give because it releases God's power and authority over every need you could ever have. Give because it gives you a testimony that is unbelievable and an honor to share. Give because He protects the things He has dominion over.

So where did that leave us? Why is this part of the story of houses?

   We were in agony, for almost an entire year. We had made every phone call, written every letter possible, made every appeal and could do nothing to help ourselves. We prayed over it every day, several times a day. "Lord, Help us!" I truly had no idea how stressed money could make me. I was a wreck. I worried about it all day, every day. We had gone from good shape to obliterated in a matter of months. And in my head and in my heart, the part that made me the most deeply saddened, the part that broke my heart to think about, was a recurring fear. The fear that consumed me, was that we would never be able to own a house ever again. We would never get out of my sad little rent house, we would never be homeowners. I know it sounds materialistic, and it probably is, but I knew the Lord would meet our needs, I wasn't worried about food or clothes, things we actually needed. But, this wasn't a need, it was a want, having a different home was my want. We didn't need a better house or a bigger house, where we were was plenty good and we had made it nice. I didn't want to be selfish or greedy or pouty. But, in my prayers and in my tears I begged God to let me leave that house. I begged God to somehow "fix" things so I could raise my babies somewhere else. "Save us from ruin, Lord. Save us from all the things this would mean for our future and our children."

   For months, my dad went to the business office at the hospital several times a week. He spoke to every possible person, followed every suggestion. We went as far as you could possibly go with our insurance provider, including a conference call with the president who basically implied that insurance wasn't really designed with preemies in mind. At almost a year, we had come to a place where we either needed to declare bankruptcy or ask  for help. Bankruptcy would protect future income and at some point years later, we could rebuild our credit. Many wise people encouraged us to do just that. We just could not get there. We wanted to pay as much as we could, it was partially a pride issue, and one the Lord was dealing with us about. We didn't want to call in favors or ask our church for help. In an idealistic way, we felt like that would somehow compromise our ability to serve out of a pure heart. It seems silly, but we didn't want there to be any question about our heart. We wanted to be able to give and serve out of heart that was called and thankful, and not because we were paying something back. It made sense at the time! Either way, we had to make a decision. We didn't feel a peace about any of our choices and committed to continue praying about it for the remainder of the week.
  My dad knew and had spoken with every single person who could have helped us. But, that week he was making visits and thought he would stop in one last time. He went to the office, spoke to the same secretary as every time before. She said nothing had changed, they still couldn't offer any assistance...but have you talked to "so and so?" In a year, dad had never heard her name mentioned before but after a few phone calls, was able to speak briefly with this woman. He explained our situation and that we were at a point where we needed to make some decisions and at least wanted to confirm the total amount of debt. When she accessed their network she kept getting different totals, so she said she would get back with him later and give him a final number.
  
   That evening, she called to say that she had thought about it and reread the notes. It seemed our situation was "catastrophic" and no fault of our own. If we could pay one bill in particular, that couldn't be grouped with the others, they would write off the remainder, including some of what was still pending insurance filing.  In one afternoon, in the span of a few hours, we had at a minimum of $516,000 and as much as $800,000 in debt cancelled. My dad went to her office immediately and wrote a check for several thousand dollars out of his own pocket, before he even told us what had happened.

   He and mom called us to come to their house. When we got there, his face was red and wet with tears. He could hardly speak except to tell us "It's done. It's all over. God has answered our prayers." As the story of his encounter unfolded, we wept in amazement and relief.  I wept for days, I just couldn't get over the magnitude of what the Lord had done for us, I found myself overwhelmed a lot. It was a pivotal moment in my walk with the Lord, it changed forever my ability to trust Him, with even the impossible.

That experience prepared us for the next time we would need to release an impossible situation to the Lord. It made us more willing to recognize our helpless state, more able to wait on His promises, more able to give things up and give them up gladly.

And now, friends, we arrive at The House.

Little House on the Prairie

  I almost forgot about the house between houses. To be honest, I didn't think it was worth mentioning, inconsequential as it was. But, the more I thought about it, this little house had it's own purpose and season.

You have to admit, though, it looks sad even in the picture. Completely unintentional, but it does seem  a little dramatic right?!

 

 When we landed in Lubbock, we landed at my old college rent house. Not a coincidence, it was recently vacated. It was such a blessing to have somewhere to live, no strings attached, until we found a permanent house. But, there were strings attached. In fact, there was a lot attached, not just strings.

   If you know my testimony at all, you know college was a difficult season for me. A season of tremendous growth, but also the painful pruning that preceded it. This house, though a blessing indeed, was also the burial ground of the old me. To me, it was a constant reminder of stupid decisions, lost scholarships, failed classes, failed friendships, wasted time and opportunity.....this was the house where every disappointment I had in myself lived........and now I was moving back in with it.

   When God got a hold of me in college, I sold out completely and literally walked away from the life I had. I left jobs, friends, degree plans...... I changed schools, I changed majors, I changed addresses and never once went back. I lived in town 3 or 4 more years and never had the desire to even drive by my old house. I clung to these verses:

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"       2 Corinthians 5:17.

 "He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." Revelations 21:5.
 

   And I really was a new creation! His words ARE trustworthy and true! It wasn't pretending or being a hypocrite, it wasn't hiding anything. I was finally walking in the freedom and grace, we were all meant to, and it gave me clarity, confidence, hope and a future. And that's the part I wanted to see and celebrate everyday. It's part of my testimony, or more accurately God's testimony in me, and I have no problem sharing with young people all of the highly effective ways I learned to not succeed in college. But, God has done so much more since then. It makes me sad when I hear someone share their testimony and the only thing that comes to mind is their salvation experience as a youngster. Yes, it's important, vitally important. But that's not where His work was faithfully completed, it's just where it began. A yielded spirit should be able to testify to so much more.

   And yet somehow, God's mysterious ways led me back to where I started. And this time, I brought Andy, Emerson and soon to be Berkley. Now, none of this history necessarily interfered with daily living. I don't know that I've even really shared how I felt about it with anyone, except Andy. We still made precious memories and had good times there, I just wasn't very motivated to get to comfortable or settle in there. I needed it to be temporary and it was...for 3 years.

                          And, wouldn't you know that when it mattered most, we couldn't have been in a better place when Berkley was born. One of things that made our little house so inconvenient was that it was entirely across town from the church, grandparents, etc. It was too far to have a home group there and too far to go back and forth very much, with babies and naps.

   But, it was at the most a mile and half from the NICU. The only way I could have lived closer to Berky for the 3 months she was in the NICU was if I had lived in a trailer in the parking lot, as so, so many did.

   That little house made it possible for me to get things done at the house, spend time with Emerson, be available for Andy or church and still go see that sweet thing whenever I wanted.

Thank you, thank you Jesus for that sweet little house on 23rd. Thank you for providing it so we could come to Lubbock seamlessly. Thank you for the precious two 1st birthdays, one 2nd birthday and one 3rd birthday around a cramped little table. Thank you for the rooms filled with crashing drums or the beeps of Berky's heart monitor, that you could hear no matter where you were. Thank you for meeting the needs of our growing family in giving us this house.....and the next.

 

The House

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When we realized we might be moving from Lubbock, many people's first response was "What about your house?" or "Oh no, your house!" Why the shock or sympathetic horror? Because 'THE HOUSE" was never just "a house" and it has a story all it's own.

   I would love to write a story book of all the things God does, but I get overwhelmed when I try to think of how to start. Do I write chronologically or group them by theme? Do I start with the major story and then follow the thread to completion before I start another? You see, with God, it's "all connected." ( This is a nod to one of our beloved former pastors, Mike Hamlet.) It's so true. It's ALL connected. This is my favorite part of walking with the Lord and studying scripture. You can peel back layer upon layer and find new, fresh and relevant meaning every time.

   I suppose you could view your life as independent separate experiences, but I think it would be depressing. If the trials had no meaning or the seasons of joy hadn't been built on those trials? Truly, depressing. I much prefer the "God did this, so then this, which opened the door to that, then God led us to this, so we would learn this, and finally, God was exalted in all of it" approach.  Each chapter would have overlapping categories and themes, lessons learned...lessons repeated.  With God's hand skillfully weaving individual threads into a complete and amazing story, a story that begins and ends in Him.

   The story of the house or houses, as it were, would fall under, protection, faithfulness, God's timing, tithing and giving, and for sure miracles. But, when I think about the story of "THE HOUSE," my heart just melts and I immediately think of the good gifts a Father gives His children. This kind of gift  is so extravagant and so unnecessary, but it's not given to manipulate or coerce affection. It's the very desire of your heart, that you never dare speak aloud, given purely  to delight you and demonstrate His love. In this story, and in my heart, 'THE HOUSE" is one such gift. And, while others may have enjoyed it and others now own it, it was given to me. My Father gave it to me. I am humbled and overwhelmed even now to think about it.

   My Father gave me this gift in particular, to show me several things. It showed me that God knows me in a personal and intimate way and is not "out there" or distant. It showed me that even though God does sometimes work in broad, general ways for the good of everyone, He also does the one thing for the one person, that matters and benefits no one else...unless you're the one person.  It showed me that God's plan for the last year was put in motion long ago, this was so comforting to me because it meant that not a moment of it was wasted. It helped me to see everything in a coordinated timeline, with a planned and purposed beginning, a masterfully executed and prepared for ending....and no accidents in between. Not a single day or a single prayer was superfluous. Every disappointment, every dose of reality, every blessing was necessary to propel me closer to now. Closer to Him.

   To appreciate "THE HOUSE," you must first understand all that was before it. I think most believers, and especially people in ministry, will tell you that when God is in it, it just works out. Our circumstances have never adhered to practical logic or predictability, not in any area. Our romance and wedding was out of a movie, our 2 preemies, my health, Andy's talent, our finances....all of it has defied even resembling normalcy, but bowed without resistance to God's touch. Especially, in regards to houses. I'm not sure why, though I have a pretty good idea,  but this is an area God has protected and blessed us in. Still does.

And so it begins....on Pinelake Court.

 This was our first house, in Spartanburg, SC. It's probably not funny to anyone else, but it only just now occurred to me the two houses kind of resemble each other.

 When we moved to SC, I desperately wanted to buy a house in the only historic district in the city and renovate. We tried and tried, and either deals would fall through, roadblocks would come up, blemishes would reveal themselves.....we just could not make it happen.

I was so discouraged. I kept telling Andy, "This is the perfect time of our lives for a project. It's just the two of us, we have two incomes...we won't want do this in 10 years." There were a limited number of house in that area and we had explored every one to no end. A few days later, we found Pinelake Court. We loved it immediately. There was a pond in the back, azaleas, hydrangeas, dogwoods. Coming from West Texas, it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. We purchased Pinelake way under value from siblings who were feuding after their parents death. It seemed they enjoyed using the house to torment each other and kept lowering the price to gouge the others profit. They agreed on nothing, except us. As it turns out, their mother's father had been a music minister and though they snarled and hissed at each other, they both smiled sentimentally and agreed, Mother would have loved knowing there was music in the house.

That brother and sister walked away from closing with $600 split between them and their realtor. Two days before we closed on Pinelake Court, we found out I was pregnant. We had no idea at the time, but God had protected us in unbelievable ways.

 We could have never known that my school year would end early, my pregnancy would end early, all the energy I had would be gone from high blood pressure and HELLP Syndrome.  I spent the weeks and months I thought I should have been rehabbing fighting for my life, trying to regain my health, visiting a baby in NICU for months.

 If we had bought the house I thought we needed, our finances would have been devastated. We could have lost everything trying to get out of it, unable to do the work ourselves.

                

We moved into Pinelake Court right before Christmas 2006. We had everything we owned unloaded into the front living room and we locked the door and drove to Charlotte to catch a flight home. We were newlyweds, in a great city, in a great house, at a great church and expecting our first child. It was pure bliss.

   After we had such a scare with Emerson, we wanted to be closer to family or at least more accessible. We began praying about where God would lead us next. It was mid 2007 and the housing market was beginning to stall. We should have taken a hit on a house we'd only been in a year, the house should have sat on the market....But God. Pinelake Court never went on the market. We sold it to our Sunday school teachers, whose family we still dearly love, at a fair asking price and we prayed together with them and an attorney from church at closing.

   We were so excited when we found out we would be coming to Lubbock. There was not a single negative about coming to Lubbock, except the house. I don't know how many times Andy and I would laugh and sigh while we looked at apartments and houses, "We'll never have a house like Pinelake." We must have said it a hundred times over the next year. We had accepted the reality that the greatest and best house we would ever own was gone after only a year.  We still had pictures in our phones and we would show people our backyard, with the pond and trees.....and then we would all have a good laugh, because there ain't nothin' like that in Lubbock.

Enter.....THE HOUSE.