Sweet Toad's Birthday

    And, so it is. 4 years ago we were blessed with one of our life's most precious gifts, Sweet Toad. The only thing I wanted more in my life than to marry Andy Johnson was to have kids with him. I knew with every fiber of my being that God had called me to be a wife and mother and, before Emerson, I feared I never would.

    I had been told when I was younger that having children would be difficult maybe even impossible for me. And, I have to admit, I let the enemy get a stronghold there. I never questioned it but I just accepted it for my life and only once laid it at my Father's feet. I felt like I was being mature, no need to be upset over things you can't change, I just tried to prepare myself and Andy that we would have "trouble" here. 

   The only time I took it to the Father was the month before I found out I was pregnant. I'm not sure why, because we weren't even trying, but I found myself overwhelmed with sadness over this. I had known this would be the case since I was a teenager and had never really taken this to the Lord before. But one day after school, I remember coming home and just weeping sad and bitter tears. I wept because I knew that for me to be a mother would require a long, exhausting and probably fruitless process.  I wept, because I understood that and I knew Andy may not. I wept because I felt disappointed and sad. I wept as I laid it as His feet, this most secret and deep desire of my heart. I finally just gave it away. 
    I remember Andy coming home that day and finding me sobbing. He asked what was wrong and I told him I wasn't pregnant and would never be. Poor Andy, he was so puzzled. "Are we trying????" "No!" I sobbed. Poor guy, we were thousands of miles from home, all he could do was give me a hug and take me to PF Changs to feel better.
   Little did I know, that in a few weeks we would find out we were expecting Emerson. And, that in a few short months we would have to fight so hard to keep him. It's funny what the Lord brings to mind.