To understand the fullness and completeness of what God has brought us through and to, you have to go back to the beginning. And that, is Lubbock, Texas.
Lubbock, Texas.....one man's middle of nowhere, one man's paradise. One man's road passing through, one man's road home. I could go on and on......One man's wide open spaces and big sky, another man's nothin' but nothing......nowhere.....for miles....for days......
I was born in Lubbock and lived here until I was 5, moved all around and came back "home" after high school graduation. I left DFW at 17 and knew I would never go back. I couldn't tell you why or how, but I knew Lubbock was where I was supposed to be. Even though I hadn't visited there in 12 years, didn't know a single person there, had no family there, and wasn't sure what I'd do once I got there, off I went.
I wish I could tell you that I knew immediately why God called me to West Texas, but I didn't. I wouldn't figure out why I was there until a couple of years later. As, it turns out....my parents retired to Lubbock, I learned about life in Lubbock, I committed my life to Christ in Lubbock and was called to ministry there. I met the absolute man of my dreams and future husband at First Baptist Lubbock, where we dated and later married. A few years later, we brought our new baby, Emerson, home to live in Lubbock at 6 months old. We began a new ministry, had sweet Berkley, made life long friends and built our dream home....in Lubbock.
This wasn't necessarily our plan from the beginning, it's just how it happened....as it often does with God. Andy and I knew, when we married, we would move away and likely never return. It's hard to have a hometown in ministry. God took us to Austin and Spartanburg and just blessed us to death with great memories, the nicest, most loving people and an abundance of priceless experience. After Emerson was born, we began praying God would move us closer to family. We thought we'd make it as far as Atlanta, or maybe even Dallas. But, we never dreamed in a million years we'd come back to Lubbock. There's a lot we never dreamed.
We have had the precious and unique opportunity to share the last 4 years with the overwhelming support, encouragement and friendship of both mine and Andy's parents in the same town. Now "Not everyone gets to do that, in fact most don't do that," you say. I know. Believe me, I know. I have also known everyday of 4 years how richly we were blessed to be in that small percentage who do. It's been heaven. We could have never done what we did in a new church without our family and friends. We could have never moved into my old college rent house while we got on our feet, never started a worship ministry from nothing, never survived Berk being in NICU 3 months with a toddler at home, never survived the last year. Had it not been for family and friends....and Lubbock.
You see, being in Lubbock means free babysitting, friends we had known since 17, for me, and 6th grade, for Andy. It means limitless musical connections and opportunities, a network of friends and prayer warriors from 4 churches in our history. It means Alumni Band marches in September and Court Jester's over Christmas. It means going places and people say "Hello" because they know you or they know your daddy. It means you can get away for a weekend, because life is hard and marriage is important. It means every important occasion has had 4 beaming grandparents at it, Mimi the Great and a host of friends. It means building your dream home in a city you don't plan to leave. A life so great, why would you ever leave? Easy. You wouldn't.
You wouldn't give this life up for more money, no need. You wouldn't give it up for more talent, better friends, or easier living, you already have it. You wouldn't give it up on a dare or a whim and you certainly wouldn't give it up over a grudge. Oh no, friends, you don't walk away from this life over pride or power, anger or attitude. If anything, this life is so good, it's all the reason you need to get over everything. There was a thousand reasons to stay. But, it only took one to leave. God called us to.
God called us to leave and we knew He had. We could pretend it wasn't so or pretend we hadn't clearly known it. But, friends, there are worse things in life than having "your plans" change and walking in disobedience is one of them. I know, I've walked in it. It's misery. This doesn't mean obedience is easy. In fact for us, obedience in this area was truly painful and made us deeply, deeply sad. Only a couple people have heard me say this aloud, but leaving Lubbock was the most grown-up, sacrificial thing Andy and I had done in our married lives. God called us to lay down and leave one of the most precious seasons and places we had known and trust Him. And we did, but we cried all the way to the altar.
But isn't God kind? Isn't He so merciful? God brought us TO a difficult decision only after He had held our hand THROUGH every step required to get there. You see, He knows us as only a daddy does. He knows that to take something, made of dust and ashes, skin and flesh, and make it reflect His glory is a painful impossibility without His hand. I love the picture Scripture gives about the Potter and His vessel.
As the vessel, you get to that point where you feel like you are actually almost done. He has worked out the biggest imperfections and impurities and now you're beginning to take form. You start to feel a sincere since of pride and gratitude, that His work is paying off and you can now see yourself becoming His vision. You're almost done. But then, the Potters hand, after careful examination, folds you back over into a distorted heap. It seems abrupt and unecessary, rude even, as you spin and spin with seemingly important pieces falling to the ground. "What was the point?!" you cry in disappointment.
The Potter, gentle as ever, begins smoothing you out once again, shaping and consoling you. It wasn't at all abrupt and it is necessary. I thought we were at a stopping point, and He was just pausing to evaluate. Was I ready? Were we ready? Would we trust Him to do the work still needed? Would we trust Him to get us to who, and what and where He wanted us to be?Would we trust that His plan for us surpasses all we could have imagined? Would we trust Him to pick up and add back any necessary pieces that had fallen to the ground? Some of those pieces do go back, you know. They may be in new places or in different ways. But, in His hands we lack nothing we need.
The real question, was did we trust Him enough to leave what was comfortable and familiar, beloved and treasured and follow wherever He leads? Yes, we did. And, already we see His perfect provision and His truly lavish love. God has a plan for us that has taken us far from home, to a new home. God is doing things we could have never dreamed, not in a million years.
I thought happiness was Lubbock, Texas. And, it was. For a season...a precious season.
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