Home is where the Heart is

This is not the post you are waiting for. I do apologize, I know I have left you hanging and I promise, we will get there - soon! But, there are occasions, anniversaries and people that are worthy of a brief interruption, a loving tribute if you will. And, I find myself needing to pause for just such a thing.

I have had the unique privilege of being surrounded by some of God's most extraordinary children and I have been an eyewitness to some of His more glorious acts of love and faithfulness. I have seen His word come to life in the mundane, I have lived out some of my favorite Bible stories and I bear witness that God is Good, all the time. God has graciously given me a "good seat" for His show, but I haven't been placed here to simply watch and enjoy. He placed me here, with pen and paper (keyboard/coffee,) to humbly and inadequately, try to tell His stories.

Mom would never ask me to tell this story- but it's my pleasure to tell it, nonetheless. It is my own sincere form of verbal applause, it is applause well deserved for endurance, patience, faithfulness and for graciously surrendering to the Lord, all that you are and all that you have. I give you the last- story of houses.

Today, was a deja vu day. But, it's been a deja vu day, all week. You see, a sign went up this week, not just any sign....."THE SIGN," and not in just any yard.........in my parents yard.  The Huggins House is on the market, my mom called this morning from such a familiar spot.........her car, down the street......waiting for the realtors to do their walk through. I have hated to not be there with her, it has killed me all week long, because I know exactly what it is like, to prepare to hand over, something so treasured.

If you are joining our show, already in progress, this will seem indulgent and absurd. You would have to know the history of the last year to appreciate that this, is not at all, about selling a house, it is about surrendering to the Lord, all that He asks of you and doing it with a glad heart. It is about trusting the Lord, with your life, your hopes, your wounds, your family and yes..........your home. For both Mom and I, part of what the Lord required us to lay down, was our homes. Let me be very clear, NOT THE STUFF, never the stuff. Only a fool, would lament stuff.......things, decorations, furniture, ornaments, possessions - all, just stuff. In my family, homes were never about stuff. Homes are filled with memories, moments of joy and pain, shared tears and laughter. Homes are far too sacred, to be filled with just, stuff. My parents home, in particular, has been filled to the very tip top, with some of the most special people, most precious occasions and some of my very favorite memories........not to mention, ridiculously good food.

Let me tell you how this house, came to be theirs. When I graduated high school, I moved from DFW to Lubbock..............about three years later, my parents joined me. I still remember getting a phone call from my parents saying that they were thinking of moving, kind of.....maybe........ thinking about moving to Lubbock..........I honestly thought they were kidding. So, color me surprised when a month later, they both retired........at 50.......sold their lovely home.........and moved to Lubbock.........and surrendered to full time ministry! Huh?



I was ecstatic! Confused, but ecstatic! I hadn't grown up in a pastor's house, I grew up in an exec's house-let me qualify that with saying, it was with one of the most godly, ministry-gifted execs. The Lord had been preparing my parents and family for ministry for a number of years, they waited patiently on His calling and in 2000, the call came.  So, we set out looking for a house. Moving is kind of a hobby of ours, I should restate that........moving was necessary, growing up - and is still loathed (the actual packing and unpacking part,) buying and selling houses is the more enjoyable hobby. I remember the day Mom and I found their house. She had come by herself to look for the weekend and we saw all kinds of houses, old - new, south - north, big - garden......on and on. Until, we got to the last house.......and we knew immediately, that this, was the one. It was, at the same time, the most amazingly fabulous and god-awful house, I'd ever seen. It had soaring ceilings and windows, a grand ballroom, enormous kitchen..........and kelly green foil wallpaper with giant orange and yellow daisies, burnt orange and white flocked walls, a 1970's suspended tile ceiling, and a lipstick red bathroom that had golden cranes and chinese writing on the walls! I called it the Lotus Blossom Massage Parlor, because it truly looked some awful Shang-Hai cat-house.......it was perfect!

When Dad got to town, it was clear he knew our game all to well. He told the realtor, a dear friend of theirs, "Now, I know this is a setup. You're gonna show me garbage all day long, so you can show me the one she wants, last......why don't we just skip to the one she's picked and go get a burger?" Excellent! We took Dad to "The House" and he laughed for several minutes before he realized we weren't joking. "You've got to be kidding me, Kell! It's hideous!" "I know!" Mom squealed, "Isn't it great!!! It has all the right things wrong with it!" Classic.

Mom's a smart cookie and can make anything look gorgeous. Dad's a smart man and knows this. That house was so "cosmetically challenged" they got it for almost 100k under market. Now, that's a deal! At the time, I was still working as a designer, so I had a crew of contractors start on it immediately - scraping ceilings and walls, painting and clearing out debris. And man, was there debris!

The house was built in 1978 and had never been updated. It had been bought by a Romanian doctor and in their culture, you don't change things.....or mow, apparently. My folks house sat on a fairway of a country club and when they cleared the yard, they found almost 200 golf balls! 12 years later, and we still give golf balls away in stockings.

Mom and Dad's 40th Anniversary

And, so began their time.......in the house. My mom has exquisite taste and is an incredible hostess. They have hosted dinners for congressmen, university presidents, weddings, and any number of other important people and events. And, if you asked either of my parents to name their most favorite people or events to host, none of those would make the list, not even a long list. More treasured than any fancy party, would be countless "singin's" with the senior adults from FBC Lubbock, Apples of Gold - a mentoring bible study, that saw hundreds of women welcomed to their home, countless church gatherings, home groups and shared meals, mine and Andy's wedding reception, holidays, Mimi/Papa camps for the grandkids........my parents hosted every "welcome to Lubbock" party and, as it turned out, every "going away party" for some of the most amazing ministers we've ever known. They celebrated countless births, engagements, marriages, anniversaries and even home-goings, where everyone would gather to love on a grieving spouse or family.

To Mom and Dad, it was never just a house, it was a ministry tool.......an actual, physical extension of Christ's loving kindness. Their home, was an intentional opportunity to practice the most genuine, biblical form of hospitality. Mom has the gift of hospitality, and she's got it good......but it's so much more than being able to put together a party or a meal. Mom's hospitality is, as according to scripture, "contributing to the needs of the saints, a place of refreshing and protection from life's storms, a gift given without grumbling to glorify Jesus, given with joy and given to friends and strangers alike." And, according to Hebrews 13:2, given to angels like Brother Blevins, Mr. Heagy, Sandra and Bubba. Mom and Dad certainly entertained angels, some of earth's finest jewels, before they went Home.

I remember countless holiday meals with 30-40 people, anyone who didn't have a place to be, family close by or someone who just needed encouragement, was welcomed to the Huggins table. It was always interesting to see who might show up with a covered dish, because more often than not there would be, at least a few strangers- someone new to church, someone from a grocery store.....but more likely, one of the "strays" my dad would find at the hospital; someone crying in an elevator, or by themselves in a waiting room or someone headed out to their trailer in the parking lot, those were dad's favorites to invite over. There must have been hundreds of loads of laundry rounded up from families camped in Covenant's parking lot, people who were there from hundreds of miles away, keeping watch over children receiving chemo or loved ones care-flighted in.......if they came within 100 yards of my mom or dad, they were fed, clothed, prayed over and then someone would visit them.......every single day, for as long as they were there - and if they went to a hospital in another city, someone met them there - on behalf of my parents.

Even though, I am their daughter and even lived in their home for a few seasons.......as a semi-adult

Thanksgiving 2008

even I got to be the recipient of their hospitality. I have countless favorite memories there as well. Mom sent me the MLS and as I read through the list of all the amenities, the value and price per foot.........it struck me how different my list would be. There is not a buyer on the planet that could give me enough money for the worn and bare track around their home and the golf-course, where my dad has walked as he prayed, every night for 12 years.  I still remember standing in their living room, broken and defeated, and being shown the utmost mercy, grace and respect. I remember driving into their driveway, and seeing through the back windows Andy- my future husband, sitting at their table..........a blind date, my dad had orchestrated.  I remember dancing our first dance as man and wife outside those same windows. I remember Thanksgiving 2008, Berkley had been born 3 days earlier and I had been in cardiac ICU for five days. I was discharged the day before Thanksgiving at 4 in the afternoon and I came home scared, tired, physically and emotionally exhausted and most certainly didn't have a plan, for turkey day. My parents had been at the hospital around the clock, but somehow Mom managed to hit the stores and pull together a feast, that made it seem like everything was going to be Ok.  "Precious memories, how they linger...... How they ever flood my soul.   In the stillness of the midnight, Precious sacred scenes unfold." I'd like to meet the person who could afford to buy that, if matched dollar for worth.


This is not so much a story of houses, as it is a story of hearts, of lifestyles and legacies whose greatest purpose was to show the love of Christ with whatever they had. My parents are so good, about encouraging others to really examine how God has equipped each of us for kingdom work. What do you do? What do you have? All of it, is given for His glory. Do you bake? Do you fix cars? Are you an accountant or an attorney- start drawing up wills for church staff, young families or senior adults. Do you tinker- wanna go fix something for single moms or widows? Do you drive- let's go take the Lord's supper to Hospice.  They only thing they do better than meet people's needs, is introduce people to the lifelong blessing, of serving others. For my folks, they happened to have a house - and every inch of it was fair game for serving and loving others. Every bed, every serving piece, the yard, the driveway- every meal and every blanket were always at the ready for anyone and anything that required it.

This is not just their story, perhaps it is yours too? I can think of at least five other women who are leaving the same legacy to those around them, women who I have heard say out loud that "I know God gave me this house to bless others with." Not surprisingly, some of my mom's closest friends are women who have ordered their home and their lives around serving others, loving others and showing extravagant hospitality, in the Name of Jesus. And, it's not about the size of the house or even the "niceness" of it. Let me give you an interesting contradiction- by no means, was every house we lived in, growing up, like this house. This is not the house my parents started in, or I was born in- there were at least 12, lesser houses and apartments along the way. And yet, every house we ever lived in - was exactly like this house......with the same open doors, open fridge, open hearts. I could write this exact same story about every house we ever lived in.........whether there was 1,000 sq ft or 10,000 sq ft, that would not change anything about my parents desire or ability to serve others, or glorify God with their whole heart.

After all, it is not the grandness of the house, but the grandness of the heart..........and yours is a real stunner, Mom.

I waited until I was done, to tell my mom I would be sharing this, and asked if she had any thoughts.......I'm sharing that with you, because I could not say it better.

"I am filled with gratitude that He loves us so much. We have tried to be faithful and obedient and we have been given God's grace and when you see God's hand every step of the journey, then you KNOW that He WILL redeem the years the locust took away. It would have been so easy for Him to pat us on the head and put us on the shelf. But, He was faithful to hear our specific petition and work out every detail and recreate the exact same job that Jerry was willing to walk away from, and allow him to do the one thing that his heart was aching to do - to serve God, to make a difference in people's lives and to reflect the glory of his Savior! Isn't that what we are all called to do?  Sara,  it gives me courage to know that in the face of our trials, we were faithful and even though there were days when we thought we could not go another day, we did not waiver.

     God honors that kind of faithful obedience and I am going to giggle and howl, at what will come next.  Yes, it will be beyond painful to drive away from a home that I have loved and cared for.  But, from the first day you, Sara, and I were caught peeking in the back window by Amy, our next door neighbor, I knew that the Lord brought us to this house for a very specific purpose.  Where could we have had the party after the party at your wedding for 100 people, but in this house?  Where else could we have hosted Life Groups every Sunday night for three years, sometimes 35-40 people, but in this house?  Where else could we have shared Christmas morning with Berkley and Emerson, but in this house? Where else could we have prayed with anxious fellow believers about their illnesses, their children and grandchildren, their petitions for lost family members, but in this house?  

    It has been our sanctuary. Especially, in this last year, when I was so horribly lonely, and felt so isolated, this house enveloped me and gave me comfort.  I could walk through these rooms and remember all the many things that have happened here and I didn’t feel so alone.  It is like saying goodbye to an old dear friend, who knows all your stuff. You can just pick up where you left off when you move from one room to another and remember why you had  the words “and they danced by the light of the moon” painted on your back window.  I remember when Andy was so smitten with you    ( and you with him) and we caught him doing a “drive-by” just to see if you were at home and he gave some lame excuse about a friend looking at a house, in this neighborhood.  You were busted, Andy. And, you were in love with my daughter, even then. I remember the Sunday Night Singings we had with our dear senior adult friends from FBC Lubbock, many who have gone on to Glory. Andy fired up the keyboard, and Ann Apple played and Jerry Brownlow brought his mandolin and there were several guitars.  We sang those old hymns out of Daulton’s songbook and there were people in the room who knew what shape notes were.  Precious memories that will never fade are vying for space within these walls.  I loved every lovely minute of it. I can say I even loved every dark agonizing minute of it because out of the trial comes the growth and my, my how we have grown.

 

      One several occasions I remember telling you that I felt like I was a passenger on this journey because it was really Jerry, who was driving this bus.  It was his call to ministry, that brought us to this place and I was supporting him in whatever way I could. But, I now realize, that much like Jerry, who sacrificed the work, the job, the calling that meant everything to him; what he loved and what gave him such satisfaction, I too, will be called to make a sacrifice.  And, my sacrifice will be to surrender this home that I loved, that allowed me to use my gift of hospitality, ( I didn’t even get to the whole Apples of Gold Era) that I welcomed my babies to, that I cooked my Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, and Birthday dinners in ( how can we forget Superlatives), and hosted countless WMU, Sunday School parties, Life Groups, Women’s Ministry meetings.  I can’t even imagine how I would have done all that, without this HOUSE.


It was perfect for me and God is at work right now, planning and preparing the next house for me.  And, I bet it will be big enough for everyone to come home at the same time and have a place to sleep, and it will be on some rolling green acreage with a pond and a pier, for Emerson and Zachary to sit on and watch their corks bob in the water, waiting for the tug of a brim. And, there will be a bunkhouse, for all the babies to sleep in when they come to visit and it will be a little bit girly for Berkley, and Hannah and Maddie. And, it will have Mimi’s Secret Closet where I will stash all the treasures that I collect for each of my babies, as I await their next visit.  It will be grand and inviting and we will have Sunday Night Singings, and Life Groups, and WMU, and Women’ s Ministry meetings, and Bible Studies, and I’ll cook Thanksgiving dinners, and Christmas dinners, and Birthday Dinners.  And, who knows, one of my granddaughters or grandsons may fall in love, and get married and we will have to paint “and they dance by the light of the moon “ on my back window, when we celebrate their wedding.  Oh My, I can hardly wait to see what God has prepared!!!"

Me, too!!!!

     Almost a year ago, I sat in my car in front of my house and watched as the sign went up. A dear friend sent me this verse,   "For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create streams in the dessert!" Isaiah 43:19
    And, to add to it - "But without faith, it is impossible to please him; for he that cometh to God must believe that He is, and that He is the rewarder of them, that diligently seek Him." Hebrews 11:6  The Greek word used here for "without" is choris - meaning to be or live outside of something, such as someone who lives outside the perimeters of the city. So, the verse says "When you live outside of faith - living beyond its boundaries and perimeters.....you make it impossible to please Him."
   Do you get it?  Faith has a physical address, and you can live at it or outside of it. Faith, is that place where God called you; that place requiring your obedience, faith, and patience; that place where you are confident God wants you to be working and living. It requires commitment, patience and faithfulness to stay there and it requires the same to move there, but how rich is the reward, for those who do!

 My parents are moving to Gainesville, Tx........to begin serving at a church there. They have not found a house yet, but know without a doubt that this is where God is calling them to. They are leaving their home, city and friends and moving to a new location........... but, their address will remain the same, and it is the address of Faith.
    And, all will be welcome there, all will be fed there and all will know the love of Christ, there.

..........And, there will be Mimi camp there.

Shalom Y'all,
Sara
                                             UPDATE     SEPTEMBER 24th, 2013
*I am so pleased to share an update with you! I have promised I won't share inside pics before it's done....... but this very day, my parents are moving into their new address of faith! I can't wait to share more about what God is doing in their lives and there will be time for that- but for today, I just want to say "Congratulations!" to them and "Be encouraged!" to you.  It's hard to believe it has been almost a year to the day, that their house went on the market, until now....... when they move into their new home. It was a tough year of trying to wait patiently, trying to see where God was taking all of this, looking at every opened and closed door through the lens of God's will- believing and knowing that absolutely everything that happens passes through the filter of His perfect plan.......... even when you couldn't see it or make sense of it. I'll be sharing more soon- but for today, be encouraged! God is the God of order, perfection and thorough completion....... and sometimes, though not always, He gives you the most precious glimpse of what He has been working on, working on in light and darkest of nights, in seen and unseen places, softening and chiseling.... refining and pruning. God has been faithfully working for your good and in the end, is something so personal, something that grew you and glorified Him. My, my....... His ways are higher than our ways! 
      Today is the day of "giggling and howling" for my parents and I love to think how that must delight our Heavenly Father, when the scales have fallen from His children's eyes and we truly SEE our God's GOODNESS, we SEE His overwhelming GOODNESS and LOVE for us. Could there be anything worth more? Could there be anything that comforts or encourages more than knowing the Creator of the heavens and earth, LOVES YOU?

To leave a comment, click on "No Comments:" or "Comments:"  below, I would love to hear from you!

The Prophets Poet

Late Sunday night, after we got in from church, I received my response from Autumn's Professor. His response was very confirming and reassuring. And, it was less about his words and more about the legitimacy he offered, with them. The Professor is highly educated, highly qualified and highly respected. He understood exactly what I was experiencing, how to reconcile it with Scripture and how to interpret it. And, though much of it, I already suspected to be true, it helped me so much for someone else to say it. In a season, where the things I knew to be real and concrete were no longer, and things I couldn't see or touch, I had absolute confidence in.........as much as I needed wisdom, I needed confidence. I needed confirmation from someone credentialed and knowledgeable, and the Professor certainly gave that.
   He was very succinct in what he shared with me, and I will share some of that with you.
1.  THIS IS IMPORTANT, LISTEN, PAY ATTENTION, BE OBEDIENT.

2.  THIS IS MEANT TO COMFORT AND NOT CONDEMN YOURSELF. (Brother Blevins)

For God does speak—now one way, now another—

though man may not perceive it.

15In a dream, in a vision of the night,

when deep sleep falls on men

as they slumber in their beds,

16he may speak in their ears

and terrify them with warnings,

17to turn man from wrongdoing

and keep him from pride,

18to preserve his soul from the pit,^b

 “Pay attention, Job, and listen to me;

be silent, and I will speak.

32If you have anything to say, answer me;

speak up, for I want you to be cleared.

33But if not, then listen to me;

be silent, and I will teach you wisdom.”

The Scripture that The Professor shared spoke to me and I understood exactly what I should take from it.........BE SILENT AND I WILL TEACH YOU WISDOM. Got it, Lord! I ain't got nothing to say now Lord!! I'm getting good at saying nothin', now bring on the wisdom! And, Oh, how He did!

When Autumn and I next spoke, I thanked her for directing me to The Professor, it was invaluable....but still, I felt like I had more to learn. Somehow, Autumn already knew that. She began telling me about a dear family friend of hers, Terese Holloway. Terese had always been in their lives, quiet and encouraging, not someone loose or careless with her words. But, when Terese had a "word" for you, you had better listen. Terese had a knack for timely, active and imperative wisdom. And, soon she would be sharing it with me.

Again, I emailed the whole, long and exhausting story and waited for a response, hoping it would bring continued clarity and direction. Monday, as Mom and I wandered the aisles of Hobby Lobby.....Ding. My response came. I parked myself on one of Hobby Lobby's benches that are purely meant for decoration, and began reading Terese's email. And, there amidst a random and faux cafe scene, complete with a semi-tacky centerpiece, random merchandise and Christmas decor (it's July, you know) the Lord changed my life. I mean really, changed my life.

And all of this from a stranger? Who didn't know anything about me? This stranger, spoke to me like no one ever before. It would be another 3 months before Terese even knew we lived in the same city or that we were in ministry. Yet, she had such amazing insight and wisdom, specific to me. This seems confusing, I know. But, this wasn't like a close friend, offering encouragement about life, a life they are walking out with you. And, it certainly was NOT like some phony psychic who can tell you your favorite color, or how many kids you have. This was so much more and so much better. This was someone, listening to me share my heart, and then taking time to pray and meditate on it, wait for the Lord to share His heart................ wait on the Lord to show her how He sees me and what He is trying to show me............... and then, sharing just that, and nothing more. Terese was able to share such timely wisdom with me, not because she knew anything about me, but because she walks so closely with the Lord.

What did she tell me? She told me the truths of God's Word, the Promises He has for me. She told me that, God has a plan for me, that He is calling to me from the deep, to share wisdom, to show me the things I have begged for. Terese told me, that this season had been ordained and prepared for me by God and that He is leading me through it..........that Christ and Christ alone, is worthy of my faith and trust, worthy of my surrender........and that following Him is always worth it, trusting Him more is always worth it. Terese told me that Christ is not only my shield and defense, when under attack, but my weapons, my banner and my courage when He calls me to War. And, Terese reminded me that the victory has already been won.........

You see now, how wise she is.

Terese told me a great deal more, and perhaps those words will find their way on the pages of my book. But, for now they are my treasure. And it is treasure. I shared earlier about what a gift it is to share with someone the words they are needing to hear, to give your words and heart freely to encourage, challenge and speak favor over another. It is an exponentially greater gift, when those words are anointed and appointed by the Holy Spirit.

And, this was Terese's gift to me. Autumn's as well. They are good gift givers.

Just 2 days later, Mom and I would make the drive back to Lubbock, from Dallas.......to the Wilderness, as it were. We would drive the same road we had traveled earlier in the week, but this time it would be different. We couldn't help but weep as we drove past the tracks, the site that was once our Wreckage, now the site of our Deliverance. Isn't it funny how the same ground that is scattered with brokenness, scattered with the debris of what must have been a painful collision, a catastrophe........can be the same ground that God redeems for healing, for protection and for Promise? The same ground where He births a new season, a new hope?

I am reminded of the story of Lazarus. I love the story of Lazarus, we all should, it is our story as well. I could do  a whole sermonette on Lazarus, and perhaps I will.

Most of us know this story by heart, but sometimes it is in the stories we know so well, the ones we know from rote memory.....that we miss the real beauty, the apples of gold in every word and every phrase.

Lazarus, brother of Mary and Martha, friend of Jesus, is sick. And, though the sisters have already sent word to Jesus, Jesus delays and Lazarus dies. On the way to Bethany, Jesus encounters Martha. I am including the scripture from John 11 and my notes in blue.

Jesus Comforts the Sisters  Already, I am moved! I love that the title of this is "Jesus Comforts the Sisters" It is important to the story on its own. It is not just lumped in under "Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead." It gets its' own title, its'  own special place of significance. It shows that Jesus is our friend, a friend who comforts. A doctor who has never met you, and will certainly not be your friend tomorrow....... can bring healing and relief. But a FRIEND, comforts. A FRIEND, cares about your hurts and wounds. And sometimes, in our lives we need His comfort as much as we need His power. Praise God, that You are our Comforter.

17On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days. 18Bethany was less than two miles^a from Jerusalem, 19and many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother. 20When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home.     It is important that Mary stayed at home. Mary, who neglected her duties as host to sit at her teachers feet, stayed home rather than go out to meet Him. Does that sound familiar to anyone else? What kept her home? Disappointment. I can't count the number of times last year, when I felt like I could no longer propel myself up and out to meet the Lord. Paralyzed by hurt, fear, sadness, hopelessness and yes....disappointment.       I see you, girl.     I know you, Mary.     I know how much more is meant by "Mary stayed at home." Sara stayed at home too, some. Didn't you friend?

 21“Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died. 22But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.” She starts with blame...."if you had, then......" I do this too, you do this too. "God I don't know why you did this, but you did and I know you can fix it, so guess you better fix it, right?"

23Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”

24Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.”   Most of us are Martha, at least in our Wreckage and Wilderness, we are Martha. Martha is saying what we all say. "Well, I guess it wasn't God's will to intervene or fix this. And, I know I won't ever understand, but I trust that God is good and when I get to heaven, it will be better.....I guess. So I guess, I will just hurt and be miserable for ever, but I love Jesus and believe He is who He says He is."

25Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; 26and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

27“Yes, Lord,” she told him, “I believe that you are the Christ,^b the Son of God, who was to come into the world.” 

28And after she had said this, she went back and called her sister Mary aside. “The Teacher is here,” she said, “and is asking for you.” 29When Mary heard this, she got up quickly and went to him. Jesus called unto Mary. What a precious thing. Even in my darkness, even in my disappointment.......what I longed for most, was to know that Jesus knew how bad I was hurting, that He hadn't forgotten me. Countless days I have sat, YOU HAVE SAT, desperate for Jesus to come to us, ask for us.....calling us out of our tomb, so He may address our wounds. And, like Mary, how quickly we would go to meet Him.

     30Now Jesus had not yet entered the village, but was still at the place where Martha had met him.   Now, Jesus knew the situation, was on His way there, but stopped short of their house. Why was this? Jesus waited on the road where he spoke with Martha, waited for Martha to walk back to the house, waited for her to get Mary, waited for Mary............. to COME MEET HIM. Isn't that just like Jesus? He knows whats best for us, best for our growth and as painful as it is sometimes, what's best may mean humbling ourselves, getting over our hurt just enough to get up and go out to meet Him........where He is at. Isn't that really the more desired place anyway....where He is at? So.....get up. Go OUT to meet Him.

31When the Jews who had been with Mary in the house, comforting her, noticed how quickly she got up and went out, they followed her, supposing she was going to the tomb to mourn there.    This is just FYI- there are always people around you, watching you grieve, watching your pain unfold........and they are waiting also, to see what you will do.......and perhaps even some of them will follow you, as Mary's friends did. Isn't it a precious thing, that even in her loss, her grief and suffering.....she led them to Jesus.

32When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”

33When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.   Now, everyone always uses this to show how Jesus wept for Lazarus and how sad he was that his friend died. But, you read this again carefully.

   Jesus knew Lazarus was dead, the moment he decided to delay 2 days in Jerusalem. Jesus also knew that He was always going to raise Lazarus from the dead. He is not being overwhelmed with grief right here, He is weeping for Mary. Do you see that? Read it again. "When Jesus saw HER WEEPING." Jesus is filled with compassion and empathy for Mary, and not because she is sad over the loss of her brother, though that is indeed why she is sad, at least in part. Causing far more pain than the actual loss, the actual death......is the absolute devastation we feel, when we feel like our hope in Christ, has been somehow misplaced. The devastation is more due to the upheaval we feel, when we trust in the Lord, and He doesn't do what we know He is capable of doing......and it causes us pain. When God's will causes us pain.......that is why Mary weeps, that is why Mary stayed home. 

   Both sisters, the first words they utter to Jesus are, "Lord, if you had been here...." Jesus' heart breaks for us when we feel needlessly separated from Him. His heart breaks for us when we are exactly where we are supposed to be, when we are trusting Him through death, loss, grief and pain, trusting Him through the Wilderness and Wreckage, and in our pain we falsely believe, He is not with us. And, that is real suffering.          Because, He has walked the earth and faced separation from His Father, in life and in death.......He weeps because He knows that anguish, He knows that despair. He knows firsthand what kind of tears accompany, begging God for another way, a way out and still knowing what God's will is, and being yielded to it. That's a whole different kind of tears, a different kind of grief.  It's OK to cry, in fact, He will cry right along with you. And He does. And, He did with Mary, too.

34“Where have you laid him?” he asked.  This is my favorite part. Again, Jesus is Jesus....and He knows exactly where Lazarus is. He is less asking the location of Lazarus, and more like a sympathetic parent or nurse, saying "Show Me where it hurts. Show me where you gave up, where you believed you were past my reach, show me where you laid down, believing it was over and I had left you.......take me to that place. "  Take your Lord to that place.

“Come and see, Lord,” they replied.

35Jesus wept.  What a tender place to show our Lord. What a tender place to admit to Jesus and then show Him, where we gave up, where we gave up on His mercy, on His love. He knows how bad it must hurt, and He weeps for us.

Jesus Raises Lazarus From the Dead

38Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. 39“Take away the stone,” he said.   But, He isn't demanding to see it to correct or rebuke us, to show us the error of our ways or make us feel more ashamed for our unbelief. He wants us to show Him the grave, because He's come to do a miracle.

“But, Lord,” said Martha, the sister of the dead man, “by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days.”   And, again like Martha, we wish it weren't so ugly, so stinking awful. We wish we could make our helpless state, somehow more lovely or appropriate. Oh, Martha, Martha! He is not there to judge your mess, your brokenness.......He is there to redeem it. Praise God! And, He doesn't care how bad it stinks, cause it's about to be GLORIOUS!

40Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?”   I can hear Jesus saying this to me, " Did I not tell you, SARA, that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?" Yes, Lord! I remember now, You did say that, and I had been so consumed with death I had forgotten, but I remember now Lord! I remember now, Lord! And, I believe you again, I trust you again! Here it is Lord, the grave, the tomb, the brokenness, the hurt, the doubt.....Oh, Jesus, let me show you where it is, let me take you to it! Do a miracle with it, God!

41So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. 42I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.” And here, is the point of all of it. " I have said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe you sent me." Astounding. Completely astounding, are the depths of God's love, that He would do all of this purely for our benefit, that we see Him more clearly, walk with Him more closely.

43When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” 44The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face.

Jesus said to them, “Take off the grave clothes and let him go.”   PRAISE GOD! PRAISE GOD! Praise God, that He loves us enough to Comfort us, praise God that He loves us enough to be our friend and weep with us, but PRAISE GOD, that, that is not enough! He could just leave us comforted, or sympathized with, but His purpose in coming to us, was to RAISE FROM THE DEAD!!!!!!!  

Friends, do you see it! Do you see how beautiful this story is???? We play all the other roles and Jesus is Himself! We are Martha, who frets and worries over how things look and whether we are good enough......we believe and we trust, and we pray, but we still miss the big picture. We are Mary, who had perhaps a measure more of faith or devotion, but is now devastated by doubt, by disappointment and despair........who is willing to run to her Lord and fall at His feet, but doesn't want to show Him, how deeply she hurts. 

And, because Jesus is still Jesus, we are Lazarus. We are Lazarus, who though dead and buried, heard the voice of our Savior, beckon us "COME OUT!"

Do you see it in my story? I was the man who would surely die, without Jesus. I was the grieving woman who stayed home, rather than go to meet her Lord. But, He came to me-almost all the way- and called me by name. He called me to meet Him on the side of the road, in a field of dust, in my Wreckage- in a state so helpless and dependent on Him, I would die without Him. The Lord and I met, that day. And He comforted me, He wept with me. He asked me to show Him where I had given up, in the dirt......He asked me to show Him where and why I had laid my faith down. And, I did. 

And He called out to me, SARA, COME OUT!!!!!!! TAKE OFF YOUR GARMENTS OF MOURNING AND GO!! And, praise God, I did. I need to stand up for a bit, and wave my arms around or shout or something!!!!

Do you see it in your story? Do you see how your place of mourning and grief is the same place as your mercy and miracle? The tomb that housed the dead is the same tomb, that the dead walked out of? Those gathered in mourning around Lazarus, were the first to get to rejoice in his resurrection?

WAKE UP, O SLEEPER. RISE FROM THE DEAD! CHRIST'S LIGHT WILL SHINE ON YOU!

 

Gateway People

   I feel like I should explain the pictures I included in my last post and spend some time really fleshing that train of thought out. The Wilderness- to me felt just like I said it did......."This was complete and total upheaval, this was having every concrete tenet of your life, crushed with a sledge hammer and watching a twisted, weak facade be erected in its place............. while you're still pitifully gathering rocks............... as though they will ever go back together." It felt like such complete and thorough destruction, because it was so pervasive, there was no one area left standing.

   It wasn't as though you were changing jobs, but everything else was OK......or, broke up with a boyfriend, but everything else remained in tact. This was pull one thread, unravel everything. Leaving our church, leaving Lubbock was not merely a change in location...........It meant, we were literally leaving our church, leaving our job..........we were starting over ministry wise, we were leaving family, we watched as our friends left and moved away, we prepared to move away from those who remained, our circle of friends changed, our kids circle of friends changed, our kids moved away from grandparents, we left our house, we left lifelong connections. And that's just the physical, personal connections!  It was the same spiritually, emotionally.

Broken trust in one area, was broken promises in another. Confusion about your job, was confusion about your life. Disappointment in people, was disappointment in God, disappointment in yourself. 

There was nothing that wasn't turned upside down. It was all connected, and it was all falling apart, or so it seemed.

   I know some of you can relate either through divorce or death, the end of a season or relationship........meant the end of other relationships, meant a change in house, change in finance, change in habits, change in comforts......all of those things tethered to the others and all of them crumbling around you.

   This is the picture I see, I am walking through a cathedral, perhaps a cathedral I have built, somewhere pristine and ordered.......somewhere sacred. And, as I wonder through, admiring its beauty, its completion.......I start to feel it tremble around me. I can't see why, I can't tell what direction it's coming from, but somehow I know, this ground beneath my feet is no longer still, but shaking. Like a blur, whirring past me, a wrecking ball- loudly and irreverently begins knocking my sanctuary down, stone by stone. Without remorse or consideration, it does its job and it does it quickly. And soon, all of it, every corner, every wall, every perfect thing is reduced to rubble around me. I'm not even sure where to begin, but I must work quickly, I must start gathering my precious stones- I don't want even one to be misplaced or forgotten. How do I begin to put them back together? Do I organize them by importance, do I start with one area and move on after it's fixed? I need a list, I'll make a list of what I should do, maybe putting something on paper.......drawing a plan......will help me know how to put this back together. IT IS GOING BACK TOGETHER, ISN'T IT LORD?
   In the few moments it takes me to decide, I realize there is activity around me. Praise, God, someone is here to help me resurrect this thing! But, as I watch them, and I notice how they watch me.....it doesn't seem right. We aren't speaking the same language, we are not looking at the same plans. My ruins are not their concern. They are not here to help me repair my beloved foundation, they are simply waiting on me to move out of their way. What choice do I have.......but to gather my rocks, my sacred stones- now someone else's dust and debris. I hug them to my body, hold them to my heart and weep over them, over what they were to me, over what they were supposed to be. I weep because I have no plan for what to do next, I weep because I didn't dream I needed one.

   Isn't this what we do, friends? We build these structures, sacred structures in our lives, of what it is supposed to be. We have plans for our education, plans for marriage and when we will have children. We make plans for our relationships, our jobs, our lives......every bit of it weighed against what we desire for ourselves and what we believe God desires for us. And then, we set about building it, stone by stone. And each one, each milestone or cornerstone, as it were, so important and so necessary to us. It's easy to see how devastating it would be to watch it destroyed. But, the devastation is not only in it's destruction, the devastation is in the realization that this, was in fact, always God's plan. It was His plan all along. And that perhaps, somewhere in your building phase, He was urging you to slow down and consult Him-trying to caution you about your pace or maybe your priorities- knowing that if need be, He would tear it all down........to show you what plans He's working off of. And there my friends, is your crossroad. This is one of the most important decisions you'll ever make. Do you stay there, amidst your ruins, remembering what once was, longing for it to be restored? Or, do you simply realize your helpless state, loose your once sacred things, say "Yes, Lord" and walk away?

   And, this is where I found myself, during Wreckage, but there was even more to come. What I learned after such a painful sojourn, after dreams, after car wrecks, in the Wilderness- would be my most difficult lesson yet.

But first, a Gateway.

To recap-  That Saturday night in Dallas, I emailed Autumn's sources, the Professor and Terese Holloway, whom I would later find out, is the Poet. In both emails, I recounted my third dream and everything that had preceded them, and finally the days events......which by the way, I was two finger typing into an iPhone! It's a wonder I didn't get "withered hand" from those emails. I'll spend more on that later.

   Anyhow, as I said, we went to Gateway, heard the Wilderness message.........and then turned into lunatics........Maybe not quite lunatics, but we did go a little crazy.......in their bookstore. I had brought a cash reserve to Dallas...........for purses and junk jewelry, and within about three minutes, had spent every dollar. Mom and I bought every book, CD, sermon series, devotional, DVD, whatever......that seemed relevant to us. I don't know if you know this or not, but there is a whole 'nother world of authors and teachers out there, whose books aren't on Lifeway shelves. Shocking, I know. It was so exciting to just read the titles, they had words like "battlefield," "power," and "Holy Spirit" in them. Now, I am being a bit tongue and cheek here. But, it really was an answer to prayer. For months, I had been reading, listening, studying everything I could get my hands on, and still felt like there was more I didn't have access to. I had been praying for answers, for wisdom........and God, literally picked me up and dropped me into a place that was a storehouse for both. I know the lady at the counter, thought we must have just fallen off of some country truck. We were giddy, asking for other titles and extra copies of such and such. Keep in mind, it was an exciting day for us and a normal Sunday after service for them, and we were literally walking out with 4 bags each, of loot. Pleased as punch.

We were so excited, because that night they would be having their monthly Habitation service, a service set aside for just praise and worship, prayer and exhortation. And, you bet we were going to be there. I had no idea what to expect, but some dear friends of ours had been telling us about this service for months. They had been tuning in over the world wide web and just being blessed beyond measure, even from their home in Lubbock. It started at 6:30, but there was a prayer time that began at 5:30........for serious people. We got there at 5:15, perhaps a tad eager.

http://gatewaypeople.com/ministries/habitation/about

   I still remember, Mom and I, sitting there waiting for it to start. My spirit was completely expectant, it was like the few minutes before a big game, that you knew you would win. And, as the service began, we knew that what God had been urging us toward, dragging us to.......all the questions He had hidden in our hearts.........He was now showing us the answers, showing us what the authority, the prayer life we had been chasing, looked like.

   The service was opened in prayer, and then there were two microphones at the front with men holding them. Steve Dulin, who began these services at Gateway, called for those who have a "word" to come forward. Soon a handful of people trickled toward the mics, Bibles in hand. They lined up, single file, waiting their turn to give their word. I was speechless, in total amazement, I couldn't even begin to guess what they would say or how they would say it. How do you know what's going to happen? What if it's inappropriate or ridiculous? How do you trust these people to do this? I sat on the edge of my seat, as the first one began to speak. It was an older woman, she said "The Lord is calling us to walk in freedom and not fear, to trust His word and His promises for us." And then she read a few verses out of her Bible, gave a short prayer and walked away. Done. There was nothing selfish or self-serving about it, it wasn't attention seeking or shocking. It was simply, Scripture. God's Word, delivered and declared over the body. Each one that followed was the same. There was no personal testimony, no awkward moments when someone reveals too much. They read a scripture, that the Lord had placed in their heart, they prayed that same scripture and sat down.

   It was the most energizing and exciting thing I had ever seen, this is how you edify the body. Every "word" brought forth was powerful, meaningful and relevant to at least me, if not the whole group. There wasn't a phony, over-generalized, obligatory message tossed out there. It was God's Word and it never returns void. They hadn't been handed little slips, it wasn't contrived, it was just what they felt like the Holy Spirit had impressed on them throughout the week, as they prayed, in advance, over this time. As the service went on, I could now see that these people were part of the ministry team, worship team, etc......leaders in some way. They began to take their places on stage or with prayer groups as more people came in.

-A Sidenote- Anyone of us would be equipped to do this, the Holy Spirit speaks to all of us, who are saved.....convicting and encouraging us towards His image. And, maybe you share about those things with your Bible study group or family, maybe your spouse. What was so different about this, was that it was organized, thoughtful, done for the benefit of the entire body, it was unrehearsed and Spirit-led, and yet still operating in some unspoken parameters. It was one of the first times I thought.......yeah, that's how you do that, that's how you practice discernment and teach about the Holy Spirit corporately. It was the first time, I ever understood what the spiritual gift of prophecy might look like in a church. This is how you use your gifts to edify the body. Here is why it did that- every word that was given, though it was personal and picked to share, by the giver, was not personal. It was never "I think we should such and such, or I believe yada yada yada....." It was "God's Word says..........God help us to do as your word says......." But, here is the amazing part, every time a word was given (because it was God's word) it spoke to the Spirit of someone sitting in the congregation, it spoke confirmation, encouragement or even accountability to some unknown person, thus growing their faith and understanding. Conversely, every person who shared could then, based on the feedback given, feel their own confirmation......... that their obedience was well placed, that their risk in sharing had "paid off" spiritually speaking, of course. They had prayed that the Holy Spirit would give them a burden, a "word" to share, they could trust God for His wisdom, they could share it with His people and it did in fact, edify the body. WHICH IS THE ONLY REASON YOU WOULD DO ANY OF THIS.......TO EDIFY THE BODY. It's not to seem smarter, superior, more spiritual or to exalt your own wisdom, before men. And, if it was, rest assured that "word" would bring destruction, confusion and division. Some of you have heard, that "word" before. I have.

You know it when you hear it, it troubles your spirit, it makes you restless and agitated and not in a "challenging your flesh" kind of way. We have all heard someone share something, and while they may use the right words, the right lingo......something about it is offensive to your spirit. Offensive in the spiritual realm, but perhaps not in the natural. The words of men, though grammatically correct, delivered well and with precision timing, are capable of not only falling flat on the floor at their feet, but being dangerous, when they are not given through the filter of the Holy Spirit.  Make no mistake, we have nothing important or brilliant to say, no original thought or revelation apart, from the Holy Spirit. And, when we try to minister wisdom to others, from our flesh, we make fools of everyone, but mostly ourselves.

But, I digress.

   Over the last several months, I kept hearing the word "Prophetic."  I thought this was a reference to exactly that.....the prophets, in the Old Testament. But, it was everywhere, in what God was showing me in His Word, what I was hearing and studying........and I didn't understand it. No one, that I had ever heard in my churches or religion classes, ever addressed prophetic gifts. Which is not to say, we weren't well versed in spiritual gifts. It's been the "new" old thing for a while now.......do your gifts survey, find out where to serve........I guess I always just thought, it was another word for teaching and was almost redundant. My spiritual gifts are prophetic and teaching........so the next question, was  always "Great! Where do you want to teach?" I honestly didn't see any need to differentiate between the two. Until, I was confronted with my ignorance and forced to start asking questions. And, believe me, I had questions........lots of questions. And, now right before my eyes, I was seeing the answers.

   Gateway has ministry teams based on your spiritual gifts, you are identified, trained, educated, tested and then you start ministering through these gifts. It seems so simple, but was revolutionary to me. This is where I feel like we've dropped the ball as a church, we are living in a world where it is no longer good enough to know your gifts, but not use them. God has given us weapons- the fruits of the Spirit, the gifts of the Spirit, His Word, the authority of Jesus and the Holy Spirit, dwelling within us. When we use them and understand them, we become formidable forces- soldiers- taking back ground on earth and in heaven. But, we are not the mighty forces we could be, if we are only using the weapons we are most comfortable with.

   When I began asking questions about what this means for the church today, I was met with responses like........."it's not necessary anymore, or it was only in the early church or Old Testament." Really? It's in the New Testament, Paul addresses it quite a bit actually, it's in the same list as the gift of "giving." I'd like to meet the pastor who's going to tell the "givers" in his church, that their spiritual gift isn't necessary or relevant anymore.

   These are the latter days, friends. And, we need to be walking in the full authority and power, we receive as heirs, of Christ. We need it for our marriages, our jobs, our children......the salvation and faith of my children is more important than my traditions. And, I will gladly lay those traditions down to empty my hands and heart............ leaving them ready and open for the entirety of God's Word, alone.  We do not have time to ignore the things, we have decided in our finite wisdom, are taboo......especially, if God, in His INFINITE wisdom, thought they were important enough to include (many times) in His word, given to man.

   As Mom and I sat in the Habitation service at Gateway, the Holy Spirit was speaking to me and convicting me in such an intense way, that I honestly felt like someone may call my name and walk over to me with a mic. I felt like I was sitting under a white, hot light and all eyes were on me, which of course, wasn't the case, but that's what it feels like when the Holy Spirit is showing you something, that is just for you. I know Mom would agree, that there might as well have been red arrows pointing down at us and a booming voice yelling,
          "DO YOU SEE THIS LADIES?!?!?! ARE YOU GETTING WHAT I AM SHOWING YOU?!?!?!?!  THIS IS FOR YOU, THIS IS WHY YOU ARE IN DALLAS, THIS IS WHY THE WILDERNESS, THIS IS WHY THE WRECKAGE.....TO GET YOU HERE AND SHOW YOU THAT THERE IS MORE!!   MUCH, MUCH MORE!!!!!"

Mom and I laughed about it a little, because we were trying to think of how we would explain two Southern Baptist pastor's wives, sitting in someone else's church (a Non-denomination church!!) on a Sunday night, having our whole world rocked.  And, really, there is no explanation.........no explanation, but God. 

You can click on the link above and watch the Habitation Service, there is one tonight at 5:15.

Shalom Y'all
Sara