The Prophets Poet

Late Sunday night, after we got in from church, I received my response from Autumn's Professor. His response was very confirming and reassuring. And, it was less about his words and more about the legitimacy he offered, with them. The Professor is highly educated, highly qualified and highly respected. He understood exactly what I was experiencing, how to reconcile it with Scripture and how to interpret it. And, though much of it, I already suspected to be true, it helped me so much for someone else to say it. In a season, where the things I knew to be real and concrete were no longer, and things I couldn't see or touch, I had absolute confidence in.........as much as I needed wisdom, I needed confidence. I needed confirmation from someone credentialed and knowledgeable, and the Professor certainly gave that.
   He was very succinct in what he shared with me, and I will share some of that with you.
1.  THIS IS IMPORTANT, LISTEN, PAY ATTENTION, BE OBEDIENT.

2.  THIS IS MEANT TO COMFORT AND NOT CONDEMN YOURSELF. (Brother Blevins)

For God does speak—now one way, now another—

though man may not perceive it.

15In a dream, in a vision of the night,

when deep sleep falls on men

as they slumber in their beds,

16he may speak in their ears

and terrify them with warnings,

17to turn man from wrongdoing

and keep him from pride,

18to preserve his soul from the pit,^b

 “Pay attention, Job, and listen to me;

be silent, and I will speak.

32If you have anything to say, answer me;

speak up, for I want you to be cleared.

33But if not, then listen to me;

be silent, and I will teach you wisdom.”

The Scripture that The Professor shared spoke to me and I understood exactly what I should take from it.........BE SILENT AND I WILL TEACH YOU WISDOM. Got it, Lord! I ain't got nothing to say now Lord!! I'm getting good at saying nothin', now bring on the wisdom! And, Oh, how He did!

When Autumn and I next spoke, I thanked her for directing me to The Professor, it was invaluable....but still, I felt like I had more to learn. Somehow, Autumn already knew that. She began telling me about a dear family friend of hers, Terese Holloway. Terese had always been in their lives, quiet and encouraging, not someone loose or careless with her words. But, when Terese had a "word" for you, you had better listen. Terese had a knack for timely, active and imperative wisdom. And, soon she would be sharing it with me.

Again, I emailed the whole, long and exhausting story and waited for a response, hoping it would bring continued clarity and direction. Monday, as Mom and I wandered the aisles of Hobby Lobby.....Ding. My response came. I parked myself on one of Hobby Lobby's benches that are purely meant for decoration, and began reading Terese's email. And, there amidst a random and faux cafe scene, complete with a semi-tacky centerpiece, random merchandise and Christmas decor (it's July, you know) the Lord changed my life. I mean really, changed my life.

And all of this from a stranger? Who didn't know anything about me? This stranger, spoke to me like no one ever before. It would be another 3 months before Terese even knew we lived in the same city or that we were in ministry. Yet, she had such amazing insight and wisdom, specific to me. This seems confusing, I know. But, this wasn't like a close friend, offering encouragement about life, a life they are walking out with you. And, it certainly was NOT like some phony psychic who can tell you your favorite color, or how many kids you have. This was so much more and so much better. This was someone, listening to me share my heart, and then taking time to pray and meditate on it, wait for the Lord to share His heart................ wait on the Lord to show her how He sees me and what He is trying to show me............... and then, sharing just that, and nothing more. Terese was able to share such timely wisdom with me, not because she knew anything about me, but because she walks so closely with the Lord.

What did she tell me? She told me the truths of God's Word, the Promises He has for me. She told me that, God has a plan for me, that He is calling to me from the deep, to share wisdom, to show me the things I have begged for. Terese told me, that this season had been ordained and prepared for me by God and that He is leading me through it..........that Christ and Christ alone, is worthy of my faith and trust, worthy of my surrender........and that following Him is always worth it, trusting Him more is always worth it. Terese told me that Christ is not only my shield and defense, when under attack, but my weapons, my banner and my courage when He calls me to War. And, Terese reminded me that the victory has already been won.........

You see now, how wise she is.

Terese told me a great deal more, and perhaps those words will find their way on the pages of my book. But, for now they are my treasure. And it is treasure. I shared earlier about what a gift it is to share with someone the words they are needing to hear, to give your words and heart freely to encourage, challenge and speak favor over another. It is an exponentially greater gift, when those words are anointed and appointed by the Holy Spirit.

And, this was Terese's gift to me. Autumn's as well. They are good gift givers.

Just 2 days later, Mom and I would make the drive back to Lubbock, from Dallas.......to the Wilderness, as it were. We would drive the same road we had traveled earlier in the week, but this time it would be different. We couldn't help but weep as we drove past the tracks, the site that was once our Wreckage, now the site of our Deliverance. Isn't it funny how the same ground that is scattered with brokenness, scattered with the debris of what must have been a painful collision, a catastrophe........can be the same ground that God redeems for healing, for protection and for Promise? The same ground where He births a new season, a new hope?

I am reminded of the story of Lazarus. I love the story of Lazarus, we all should, it is our story as well. I could do  a whole sermonette on Lazarus, and perhaps I will.

Most of us know this story by heart, but sometimes it is in the stories we know so well, the ones we know from rote memory.....that we miss the real beauty, the apples of gold in every word and every phrase.

Lazarus, brother of Mary and Martha, friend of Jesus, is sick. And, though the sisters have already sent word to Jesus, Jesus delays and Lazarus dies. On the way to Bethany, Jesus encounters Martha. I am including the scripture from John 11 and my notes in blue.

Jesus Comforts the Sisters  Already, I am moved! I love that the title of this is "Jesus Comforts the Sisters" It is important to the story on its own. It is not just lumped in under "Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead." It gets its' own title, its'  own special place of significance. It shows that Jesus is our friend, a friend who comforts. A doctor who has never met you, and will certainly not be your friend tomorrow....... can bring healing and relief. But a FRIEND, comforts. A FRIEND, cares about your hurts and wounds. And sometimes, in our lives we need His comfort as much as we need His power. Praise God, that You are our Comforter.

17On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days. 18Bethany was less than two miles^a from Jerusalem, 19and many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother. 20When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home.     It is important that Mary stayed at home. Mary, who neglected her duties as host to sit at her teachers feet, stayed home rather than go out to meet Him. Does that sound familiar to anyone else? What kept her home? Disappointment. I can't count the number of times last year, when I felt like I could no longer propel myself up and out to meet the Lord. Paralyzed by hurt, fear, sadness, hopelessness and yes....disappointment.       I see you, girl.     I know you, Mary.     I know how much more is meant by "Mary stayed at home." Sara stayed at home too, some. Didn't you friend?

 21“Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died. 22But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.” She starts with blame...."if you had, then......" I do this too, you do this too. "God I don't know why you did this, but you did and I know you can fix it, so guess you better fix it, right?"

23Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”

24Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.”   Most of us are Martha, at least in our Wreckage and Wilderness, we are Martha. Martha is saying what we all say. "Well, I guess it wasn't God's will to intervene or fix this. And, I know I won't ever understand, but I trust that God is good and when I get to heaven, it will be better.....I guess. So I guess, I will just hurt and be miserable for ever, but I love Jesus and believe He is who He says He is."

25Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; 26and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

27“Yes, Lord,” she told him, “I believe that you are the Christ,^b the Son of God, who was to come into the world.” 

28And after she had said this, she went back and called her sister Mary aside. “The Teacher is here,” she said, “and is asking for you.” 29When Mary heard this, she got up quickly and went to him. Jesus called unto Mary. What a precious thing. Even in my darkness, even in my disappointment.......what I longed for most, was to know that Jesus knew how bad I was hurting, that He hadn't forgotten me. Countless days I have sat, YOU HAVE SAT, desperate for Jesus to come to us, ask for us.....calling us out of our tomb, so He may address our wounds. And, like Mary, how quickly we would go to meet Him.

     30Now Jesus had not yet entered the village, but was still at the place where Martha had met him.   Now, Jesus knew the situation, was on His way there, but stopped short of their house. Why was this? Jesus waited on the road where he spoke with Martha, waited for Martha to walk back to the house, waited for her to get Mary, waited for Mary............. to COME MEET HIM. Isn't that just like Jesus? He knows whats best for us, best for our growth and as painful as it is sometimes, what's best may mean humbling ourselves, getting over our hurt just enough to get up and go out to meet Him........where He is at. Isn't that really the more desired place anyway....where He is at? So.....get up. Go OUT to meet Him.

31When the Jews who had been with Mary in the house, comforting her, noticed how quickly she got up and went out, they followed her, supposing she was going to the tomb to mourn there.    This is just FYI- there are always people around you, watching you grieve, watching your pain unfold........and they are waiting also, to see what you will do.......and perhaps even some of them will follow you, as Mary's friends did. Isn't it a precious thing, that even in her loss, her grief and suffering.....she led them to Jesus.

32When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”

33When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.   Now, everyone always uses this to show how Jesus wept for Lazarus and how sad he was that his friend died. But, you read this again carefully.

   Jesus knew Lazarus was dead, the moment he decided to delay 2 days in Jerusalem. Jesus also knew that He was always going to raise Lazarus from the dead. He is not being overwhelmed with grief right here, He is weeping for Mary. Do you see that? Read it again. "When Jesus saw HER WEEPING." Jesus is filled with compassion and empathy for Mary, and not because she is sad over the loss of her brother, though that is indeed why she is sad, at least in part. Causing far more pain than the actual loss, the actual death......is the absolute devastation we feel, when we feel like our hope in Christ, has been somehow misplaced. The devastation is more due to the upheaval we feel, when we trust in the Lord, and He doesn't do what we know He is capable of doing......and it causes us pain. When God's will causes us pain.......that is why Mary weeps, that is why Mary stayed home. 

   Both sisters, the first words they utter to Jesus are, "Lord, if you had been here...." Jesus' heart breaks for us when we feel needlessly separated from Him. His heart breaks for us when we are exactly where we are supposed to be, when we are trusting Him through death, loss, grief and pain, trusting Him through the Wilderness and Wreckage, and in our pain we falsely believe, He is not with us. And, that is real suffering.          Because, He has walked the earth and faced separation from His Father, in life and in death.......He weeps because He knows that anguish, He knows that despair. He knows firsthand what kind of tears accompany, begging God for another way, a way out and still knowing what God's will is, and being yielded to it. That's a whole different kind of tears, a different kind of grief.  It's OK to cry, in fact, He will cry right along with you. And He does. And, He did with Mary, too.

34“Where have you laid him?” he asked.  This is my favorite part. Again, Jesus is Jesus....and He knows exactly where Lazarus is. He is less asking the location of Lazarus, and more like a sympathetic parent or nurse, saying "Show Me where it hurts. Show me where you gave up, where you believed you were past my reach, show me where you laid down, believing it was over and I had left you.......take me to that place. "  Take your Lord to that place.

“Come and see, Lord,” they replied.

35Jesus wept.  What a tender place to show our Lord. What a tender place to admit to Jesus and then show Him, where we gave up, where we gave up on His mercy, on His love. He knows how bad it must hurt, and He weeps for us.

Jesus Raises Lazarus From the Dead

38Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. 39“Take away the stone,” he said.   But, He isn't demanding to see it to correct or rebuke us, to show us the error of our ways or make us feel more ashamed for our unbelief. He wants us to show Him the grave, because He's come to do a miracle.

“But, Lord,” said Martha, the sister of the dead man, “by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days.”   And, again like Martha, we wish it weren't so ugly, so stinking awful. We wish we could make our helpless state, somehow more lovely or appropriate. Oh, Martha, Martha! He is not there to judge your mess, your brokenness.......He is there to redeem it. Praise God! And, He doesn't care how bad it stinks, cause it's about to be GLORIOUS!

40Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?”   I can hear Jesus saying this to me, " Did I not tell you, SARA, that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?" Yes, Lord! I remember now, You did say that, and I had been so consumed with death I had forgotten, but I remember now Lord! I remember now, Lord! And, I believe you again, I trust you again! Here it is Lord, the grave, the tomb, the brokenness, the hurt, the doubt.....Oh, Jesus, let me show you where it is, let me take you to it! Do a miracle with it, God!

41So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. 42I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.” And here, is the point of all of it. " I have said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe you sent me." Astounding. Completely astounding, are the depths of God's love, that He would do all of this purely for our benefit, that we see Him more clearly, walk with Him more closely.

43When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” 44The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face.

Jesus said to them, “Take off the grave clothes and let him go.”   PRAISE GOD! PRAISE GOD! Praise God, that He loves us enough to Comfort us, praise God that He loves us enough to be our friend and weep with us, but PRAISE GOD, that, that is not enough! He could just leave us comforted, or sympathized with, but His purpose in coming to us, was to RAISE FROM THE DEAD!!!!!!!  

Friends, do you see it! Do you see how beautiful this story is???? We play all the other roles and Jesus is Himself! We are Martha, who frets and worries over how things look and whether we are good enough......we believe and we trust, and we pray, but we still miss the big picture. We are Mary, who had perhaps a measure more of faith or devotion, but is now devastated by doubt, by disappointment and despair........who is willing to run to her Lord and fall at His feet, but doesn't want to show Him, how deeply she hurts. 

And, because Jesus is still Jesus, we are Lazarus. We are Lazarus, who though dead and buried, heard the voice of our Savior, beckon us "COME OUT!"

Do you see it in my story? I was the man who would surely die, without Jesus. I was the grieving woman who stayed home, rather than go to meet her Lord. But, He came to me-almost all the way- and called me by name. He called me to meet Him on the side of the road, in a field of dust, in my Wreckage- in a state so helpless and dependent on Him, I would die without Him. The Lord and I met, that day. And He comforted me, He wept with me. He asked me to show Him where I had given up, in the dirt......He asked me to show Him where and why I had laid my faith down. And, I did. 

And He called out to me, SARA, COME OUT!!!!!!! TAKE OFF YOUR GARMENTS OF MOURNING AND GO!! And, praise God, I did. I need to stand up for a bit, and wave my arms around or shout or something!!!!

Do you see it in your story? Do you see how your place of mourning and grief is the same place as your mercy and miracle? The tomb that housed the dead is the same tomb, that the dead walked out of? Those gathered in mourning around Lazarus, were the first to get to rejoice in his resurrection?

WAKE UP, O SLEEPER. RISE FROM THE DEAD! CHRIST'S LIGHT WILL SHINE ON YOU!

 

Gateway People

   I feel like I should explain the pictures I included in my last post and spend some time really fleshing that train of thought out. The Wilderness- to me felt just like I said it did......."This was complete and total upheaval, this was having every concrete tenet of your life, crushed with a sledge hammer and watching a twisted, weak facade be erected in its place............. while you're still pitifully gathering rocks............... as though they will ever go back together." It felt like such complete and thorough destruction, because it was so pervasive, there was no one area left standing.

   It wasn't as though you were changing jobs, but everything else was OK......or, broke up with a boyfriend, but everything else remained in tact. This was pull one thread, unravel everything. Leaving our church, leaving Lubbock was not merely a change in location...........It meant, we were literally leaving our church, leaving our job..........we were starting over ministry wise, we were leaving family, we watched as our friends left and moved away, we prepared to move away from those who remained, our circle of friends changed, our kids circle of friends changed, our kids moved away from grandparents, we left our house, we left lifelong connections. And that's just the physical, personal connections!  It was the same spiritually, emotionally.

Broken trust in one area, was broken promises in another. Confusion about your job, was confusion about your life. Disappointment in people, was disappointment in God, disappointment in yourself. 

There was nothing that wasn't turned upside down. It was all connected, and it was all falling apart, or so it seemed.

   I know some of you can relate either through divorce or death, the end of a season or relationship........meant the end of other relationships, meant a change in house, change in finance, change in habits, change in comforts......all of those things tethered to the others and all of them crumbling around you.

   This is the picture I see, I am walking through a cathedral, perhaps a cathedral I have built, somewhere pristine and ordered.......somewhere sacred. And, as I wonder through, admiring its beauty, its completion.......I start to feel it tremble around me. I can't see why, I can't tell what direction it's coming from, but somehow I know, this ground beneath my feet is no longer still, but shaking. Like a blur, whirring past me, a wrecking ball- loudly and irreverently begins knocking my sanctuary down, stone by stone. Without remorse or consideration, it does its job and it does it quickly. And soon, all of it, every corner, every wall, every perfect thing is reduced to rubble around me. I'm not even sure where to begin, but I must work quickly, I must start gathering my precious stones- I don't want even one to be misplaced or forgotten. How do I begin to put them back together? Do I organize them by importance, do I start with one area and move on after it's fixed? I need a list, I'll make a list of what I should do, maybe putting something on paper.......drawing a plan......will help me know how to put this back together. IT IS GOING BACK TOGETHER, ISN'T IT LORD?
   In the few moments it takes me to decide, I realize there is activity around me. Praise, God, someone is here to help me resurrect this thing! But, as I watch them, and I notice how they watch me.....it doesn't seem right. We aren't speaking the same language, we are not looking at the same plans. My ruins are not their concern. They are not here to help me repair my beloved foundation, they are simply waiting on me to move out of their way. What choice do I have.......but to gather my rocks, my sacred stones- now someone else's dust and debris. I hug them to my body, hold them to my heart and weep over them, over what they were to me, over what they were supposed to be. I weep because I have no plan for what to do next, I weep because I didn't dream I needed one.

   Isn't this what we do, friends? We build these structures, sacred structures in our lives, of what it is supposed to be. We have plans for our education, plans for marriage and when we will have children. We make plans for our relationships, our jobs, our lives......every bit of it weighed against what we desire for ourselves and what we believe God desires for us. And then, we set about building it, stone by stone. And each one, each milestone or cornerstone, as it were, so important and so necessary to us. It's easy to see how devastating it would be to watch it destroyed. But, the devastation is not only in it's destruction, the devastation is in the realization that this, was in fact, always God's plan. It was His plan all along. And that perhaps, somewhere in your building phase, He was urging you to slow down and consult Him-trying to caution you about your pace or maybe your priorities- knowing that if need be, He would tear it all down........to show you what plans He's working off of. And there my friends, is your crossroad. This is one of the most important decisions you'll ever make. Do you stay there, amidst your ruins, remembering what once was, longing for it to be restored? Or, do you simply realize your helpless state, loose your once sacred things, say "Yes, Lord" and walk away?

   And, this is where I found myself, during Wreckage, but there was even more to come. What I learned after such a painful sojourn, after dreams, after car wrecks, in the Wilderness- would be my most difficult lesson yet.

But first, a Gateway.

To recap-  That Saturday night in Dallas, I emailed Autumn's sources, the Professor and Terese Holloway, whom I would later find out, is the Poet. In both emails, I recounted my third dream and everything that had preceded them, and finally the days events......which by the way, I was two finger typing into an iPhone! It's a wonder I didn't get "withered hand" from those emails. I'll spend more on that later.

   Anyhow, as I said, we went to Gateway, heard the Wilderness message.........and then turned into lunatics........Maybe not quite lunatics, but we did go a little crazy.......in their bookstore. I had brought a cash reserve to Dallas...........for purses and junk jewelry, and within about three minutes, had spent every dollar. Mom and I bought every book, CD, sermon series, devotional, DVD, whatever......that seemed relevant to us. I don't know if you know this or not, but there is a whole 'nother world of authors and teachers out there, whose books aren't on Lifeway shelves. Shocking, I know. It was so exciting to just read the titles, they had words like "battlefield," "power," and "Holy Spirit" in them. Now, I am being a bit tongue and cheek here. But, it really was an answer to prayer. For months, I had been reading, listening, studying everything I could get my hands on, and still felt like there was more I didn't have access to. I had been praying for answers, for wisdom........and God, literally picked me up and dropped me into a place that was a storehouse for both. I know the lady at the counter, thought we must have just fallen off of some country truck. We were giddy, asking for other titles and extra copies of such and such. Keep in mind, it was an exciting day for us and a normal Sunday after service for them, and we were literally walking out with 4 bags each, of loot. Pleased as punch.

We were so excited, because that night they would be having their monthly Habitation service, a service set aside for just praise and worship, prayer and exhortation. And, you bet we were going to be there. I had no idea what to expect, but some dear friends of ours had been telling us about this service for months. They had been tuning in over the world wide web and just being blessed beyond measure, even from their home in Lubbock. It started at 6:30, but there was a prayer time that began at 5:30........for serious people. We got there at 5:15, perhaps a tad eager.

http://gatewaypeople.com/ministries/habitation/about

   I still remember, Mom and I, sitting there waiting for it to start. My spirit was completely expectant, it was like the few minutes before a big game, that you knew you would win. And, as the service began, we knew that what God had been urging us toward, dragging us to.......all the questions He had hidden in our hearts.........He was now showing us the answers, showing us what the authority, the prayer life we had been chasing, looked like.

   The service was opened in prayer, and then there were two microphones at the front with men holding them. Steve Dulin, who began these services at Gateway, called for those who have a "word" to come forward. Soon a handful of people trickled toward the mics, Bibles in hand. They lined up, single file, waiting their turn to give their word. I was speechless, in total amazement, I couldn't even begin to guess what they would say or how they would say it. How do you know what's going to happen? What if it's inappropriate or ridiculous? How do you trust these people to do this? I sat on the edge of my seat, as the first one began to speak. It was an older woman, she said "The Lord is calling us to walk in freedom and not fear, to trust His word and His promises for us." And then she read a few verses out of her Bible, gave a short prayer and walked away. Done. There was nothing selfish or self-serving about it, it wasn't attention seeking or shocking. It was simply, Scripture. God's Word, delivered and declared over the body. Each one that followed was the same. There was no personal testimony, no awkward moments when someone reveals too much. They read a scripture, that the Lord had placed in their heart, they prayed that same scripture and sat down.

   It was the most energizing and exciting thing I had ever seen, this is how you edify the body. Every "word" brought forth was powerful, meaningful and relevant to at least me, if not the whole group. There wasn't a phony, over-generalized, obligatory message tossed out there. It was God's Word and it never returns void. They hadn't been handed little slips, it wasn't contrived, it was just what they felt like the Holy Spirit had impressed on them throughout the week, as they prayed, in advance, over this time. As the service went on, I could now see that these people were part of the ministry team, worship team, etc......leaders in some way. They began to take their places on stage or with prayer groups as more people came in.

-A Sidenote- Anyone of us would be equipped to do this, the Holy Spirit speaks to all of us, who are saved.....convicting and encouraging us towards His image. And, maybe you share about those things with your Bible study group or family, maybe your spouse. What was so different about this, was that it was organized, thoughtful, done for the benefit of the entire body, it was unrehearsed and Spirit-led, and yet still operating in some unspoken parameters. It was one of the first times I thought.......yeah, that's how you do that, that's how you practice discernment and teach about the Holy Spirit corporately. It was the first time, I ever understood what the spiritual gift of prophecy might look like in a church. This is how you use your gifts to edify the body. Here is why it did that- every word that was given, though it was personal and picked to share, by the giver, was not personal. It was never "I think we should such and such, or I believe yada yada yada....." It was "God's Word says..........God help us to do as your word says......." But, here is the amazing part, every time a word was given (because it was God's word) it spoke to the Spirit of someone sitting in the congregation, it spoke confirmation, encouragement or even accountability to some unknown person, thus growing their faith and understanding. Conversely, every person who shared could then, based on the feedback given, feel their own confirmation......... that their obedience was well placed, that their risk in sharing had "paid off" spiritually speaking, of course. They had prayed that the Holy Spirit would give them a burden, a "word" to share, they could trust God for His wisdom, they could share it with His people and it did in fact, edify the body. WHICH IS THE ONLY REASON YOU WOULD DO ANY OF THIS.......TO EDIFY THE BODY. It's not to seem smarter, superior, more spiritual or to exalt your own wisdom, before men. And, if it was, rest assured that "word" would bring destruction, confusion and division. Some of you have heard, that "word" before. I have.

You know it when you hear it, it troubles your spirit, it makes you restless and agitated and not in a "challenging your flesh" kind of way. We have all heard someone share something, and while they may use the right words, the right lingo......something about it is offensive to your spirit. Offensive in the spiritual realm, but perhaps not in the natural. The words of men, though grammatically correct, delivered well and with precision timing, are capable of not only falling flat on the floor at their feet, but being dangerous, when they are not given through the filter of the Holy Spirit.  Make no mistake, we have nothing important or brilliant to say, no original thought or revelation apart, from the Holy Spirit. And, when we try to minister wisdom to others, from our flesh, we make fools of everyone, but mostly ourselves.

But, I digress.

   Over the last several months, I kept hearing the word "Prophetic."  I thought this was a reference to exactly that.....the prophets, in the Old Testament. But, it was everywhere, in what God was showing me in His Word, what I was hearing and studying........and I didn't understand it. No one, that I had ever heard in my churches or religion classes, ever addressed prophetic gifts. Which is not to say, we weren't well versed in spiritual gifts. It's been the "new" old thing for a while now.......do your gifts survey, find out where to serve........I guess I always just thought, it was another word for teaching and was almost redundant. My spiritual gifts are prophetic and teaching........so the next question, was  always "Great! Where do you want to teach?" I honestly didn't see any need to differentiate between the two. Until, I was confronted with my ignorance and forced to start asking questions. And, believe me, I had questions........lots of questions. And, now right before my eyes, I was seeing the answers.

   Gateway has ministry teams based on your spiritual gifts, you are identified, trained, educated, tested and then you start ministering through these gifts. It seems so simple, but was revolutionary to me. This is where I feel like we've dropped the ball as a church, we are living in a world where it is no longer good enough to know your gifts, but not use them. God has given us weapons- the fruits of the Spirit, the gifts of the Spirit, His Word, the authority of Jesus and the Holy Spirit, dwelling within us. When we use them and understand them, we become formidable forces- soldiers- taking back ground on earth and in heaven. But, we are not the mighty forces we could be, if we are only using the weapons we are most comfortable with.

   When I began asking questions about what this means for the church today, I was met with responses like........."it's not necessary anymore, or it was only in the early church or Old Testament." Really? It's in the New Testament, Paul addresses it quite a bit actually, it's in the same list as the gift of "giving." I'd like to meet the pastor who's going to tell the "givers" in his church, that their spiritual gift isn't necessary or relevant anymore.

   These are the latter days, friends. And, we need to be walking in the full authority and power, we receive as heirs, of Christ. We need it for our marriages, our jobs, our children......the salvation and faith of my children is more important than my traditions. And, I will gladly lay those traditions down to empty my hands and heart............ leaving them ready and open for the entirety of God's Word, alone.  We do not have time to ignore the things, we have decided in our finite wisdom, are taboo......especially, if God, in His INFINITE wisdom, thought they were important enough to include (many times) in His word, given to man.

   As Mom and I sat in the Habitation service at Gateway, the Holy Spirit was speaking to me and convicting me in such an intense way, that I honestly felt like someone may call my name and walk over to me with a mic. I felt like I was sitting under a white, hot light and all eyes were on me, which of course, wasn't the case, but that's what it feels like when the Holy Spirit is showing you something, that is just for you. I know Mom would agree, that there might as well have been red arrows pointing down at us and a booming voice yelling,
          "DO YOU SEE THIS LADIES?!?!?! ARE YOU GETTING WHAT I AM SHOWING YOU?!?!?!?!  THIS IS FOR YOU, THIS IS WHY YOU ARE IN DALLAS, THIS IS WHY THE WILDERNESS, THIS IS WHY THE WRECKAGE.....TO GET YOU HERE AND SHOW YOU THAT THERE IS MORE!!   MUCH, MUCH MORE!!!!!"

Mom and I laughed about it a little, because we were trying to think of how we would explain two Southern Baptist pastor's wives, sitting in someone else's church (a Non-denomination church!!) on a Sunday night, having our whole world rocked.  And, really, there is no explanation.........no explanation, but God. 

You can click on the link above and watch the Habitation Service, there is one tonight at 5:15.

Shalom Y'all
Sara

Welcome to the Wilderness.......you've been here a while.

I feel like I am foolishly trying to describe so much detail and context to you, and simply don't have an adequate vocabulary.  Every word was important, every minute, every prayer seemed to have eternal value, during this long season and recounting the entirety of it, would fill volumes of pages. So, for our purposes, I'm going to hit the highlights. You're welcome.

For so many months, I felt like no one could possibly understand what I, what we, were going through, the depths at which we were shaken to. I remember, on several occasions, myself and others being asked completely nonchalantly, "So, you're not over this yet? You seem down, have you not moved on yet? Seriously, you're still upset about all this?" ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? I didn't just have my favorite show canceled or find out my grocery store quit carrying my favorite cereal! This wasn't getting a bad hair cut or some sophomoric tiff with a girlfriend. This was complete and total upheaval, this was having every concrete tenet of your life, crushed with a sledge hammer and watching a twisted, weak facade be erected in its place, while you're still pitifully gathering rocks, as though they will ever go back together.

And, unless you were going through this same thing, you wouldn't have understood either........for 2 reasons, one- I wouldn't have really discussed it with you, and two-Even if I had, I didn't have the words or language to adequately describe it.  At least, not before Dallas. You see, this wasn't "feeling down" or "blue," not a "funk." What describes total darkness? What word is big enough for a season where everything you believe about what you are doing with your life, what you believe about other people, what you thought your purpose was, what you thought your future was............what you thought about truth, your passions, and God's desires for you..........what word describes when all of that is revealed to be entirely wrong? What word describes when all of this is proven to be a lie, that not only you believed, but you perpetuated..........you put your name and reputation on something and called it good and then encouraged others to do the same. You saw others go through the same revelations, except that as you watched them, you were oblivious that your turn was right around the corner. There is no word for that, no one word, anyway. Total devastation? I remember using that word for a while, when someone would ask how everything was, hoping you would say "just fine." HOW'S IT GOING?.............It's total devastation!  It's total devastation, because I don't know why this is happening, or how to stop it. Because, I felt like I had fairly good discernment and never saw this coming.........and those around me did. Devastating, because when I really look back, I should have too. It's total devastation, because I am watching something I loved, and was proud of, be burned to the ground, and all I can do is throw dixie cups of water on it.......while you ask me, why I'm so upset.

   I know many of you relate to this, you've told me so. Your setting or scenario may be different, but you have had your life turned upside down. Whether, it was divorce, job loss, illness, the loss of a loved one, the loss of a relationship or even the loss of a dream.  You could plug in a thousand different story lines and all would have the same pain, the same heartache and ultimately the same answer......Jesus. JESUS! JESUS! JESUS!


   Devastation, while it broadly describes what it felt like, is still grossly inadequate and as it turned out, grossly inaccurate. Devastation seems like something that was an accident, or something that was inflicted on you. It gives no allusion to instruction, purpose or context. Devastation literally means: To bring to ruin or desolation by violent action. To reduce to chaos, disorder, helplessness.
And, while that's a fairly accurate description and I thought it was the most fitting one, I was wrong. Please hear me say that, I WAS WRONG. I don't bear my soul so you know how smart I am, I tell you these things, these treasured things, so you see how good God is........how He can redeem the impossible, how He is everything we lack, how He pursues every dark corner of our heart and mind to bring His glorious Light to them.

8We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. 9Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. 10He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, 11as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our^a behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many. 2 Corinthians 1:8-11

I was wrong, because I thought I was separated from God, from His will.....in a place the enemy had put me. What I found out, after Wreckage, after Dallas, was that I was somewhere the Lord had led me, in a place He had prepared for me and most importantly, He was there with me.

There's nothing arbitrary about the wilderness. The wilderness is not where we are lost but where we are found, where we are refined and where we are prepared for the land of our Promise.

But, I didn't know this on my own. I had to be told by wiser people, I begged God to show me where He was and what He was doing. He must have understood I was missing the subtleties because His response was, a pit, a dream, a car wreck, a Gateway and a counselor......uhhhh.....Yes, Lord. Got it. Even I didn't miss it that time!

I told you after the wreck, I felt compelled to really get a handle on what was happening. I made several calls, to some of my spiritual mentors and friends, one of which was Autumn. Why Autumn, you ask? You're very astute to ask. I remembered a conversation months ago, where Autumn mentioned a relative who was supremely qualified, a doctor of not just counseling, but religious counseling, someone who held more degrees than a thermometer, in the Bible, Greek, Hebrew and Spiritual Gifts. Now, I didn't know all of that at the time and I also didn't know that he was in Dallas, until after I was already in Dallas.  That night, from the hotel, I emailed him.

The next morning we had already decided to go to church somewhere, but weren't quite sure where. There is always Prestonwood, and while it would have been great preaching and great music, we were looking for something more, I wanted to be somewhere where there was Power. Gateway Church, in Southlake, had come up several times over the last year. If you are not familiar with Gateway, it is a very large non-denominational church, with multiple campuses and pastors. They have become the ideal, in my book, for church structure and organization. They are rewriting every book on how a church teaches and equips its people and how they reach those around them. It's really quite remarkable. But, still I had never heard a message, didn't know their pastor.......everything I knew about this church was from a strictly ministerial perspective. Nonetheless, we felt like this was where we wanted to be on Sunday morning. And, so we were.

That morning, was the last in a four week series, on.......you guessed it.......the Wilderness. I had never heard that word applied in this way before, it was a completely powerful and pivotal moment in my journey. That service gave me what I lacked, and that, was context. Language and context, to understand what was happening.

I will tell you what I got out of the message, but truly, go and hear it for yourself at: www.gatewaypeople.com/sermons   You can search several ways, Speaker: Preston Morrison, Date: July 9th, 2011, Title: You're not Stuck, You're Just Stopped.
  Pastor Morrison, taught about Abram and Terah, the Israelites and the purpose of the Wilderness. This was the first time, embarrassing to admit, but the first time I saw this season as something that was not just intentional, but necessary, to God's will for my life. This, was the first time I understood that everything I was going through was not about what had already happened, but what was about to happen.

   It's hard to make this thread through scripture because you wouldn't necessarily relate some of these stories, but Moses was LED to the Wilderness, the Israelites were LED to the Wilderness, David was LED to the Wilderness-fleeing from Saul, Jesus was LED to the Wilderness-to withstand the Devil, John the Baptist was LED to the Wilderness- to baptize in repentance and forgiveness and declare the Messiah, the Woman (church) of Revelations is LED to the Wilderness, a place prepared by God.


Then the woman fled into the wilderness where she had a place prepared by God, so that there she would be nourished for one thousand two hundred and sixty days.  Revelation 12:6

All throughout Scripture, the Wilderness is a place of God's provision and preparation. It provided nourishment through Manna. It provided concealment and safety to a would-be King. It provided the arena for Christ's first victory over Satan! This isn't a place you wandered, friend, this is a place the Lord brought you!!!!

Even the Israelites, they weren't led to the Wilderness to get out of Egypt, they were led there to get Egypt out of them. This wasn't supposed to be a place they stayed, it was to be a place they passed through. They only stayed because of their disobedience.

Pastor Morrison said this, "The Wilderness is where the Lord leads you to kill your crutches. A crutch, is a Plan B, you turned into a Plan A, when you thought the Lord wouldn't show up." Oh, Lord! Read that again! Say it aloud! THE WILDERNESS IS WHERE THE LORD LEADS YOU TO KILL YOUR CRUTCHES. A CRUTCH, IS A PLAN B, YOU TURNED INTO A PLAN A, WHEN YOU THOUGHT THE LORD WOULDN'T SHOW UP. 

The Israelites didn't go to the Promise Land, because they weren't ready. They had to be delivered, physically and spiritually, delivered from Egypt. You can change locations a thousand times, but until God sets your Spirit free, YOU ARE A SLAVE!!!!! In the Wilderness, He delivered them from idolatry, legalism, fear and disobedience. In the Wilderness, He made them ready for His Promises.

And, now I could see it so clearly........that's what He had done for me. He stripped me of every crutch, everything that made my flesh comfortable, to prepare me for the Promise Land.

Which, is great. Except, I was already in the Promised Land, wasn't I?

 And, the walls begin to crumble.

Blessings,
Sara