Little House on the Prairie

  I almost forgot about the house between houses. To be honest, I didn't think it was worth mentioning, inconsequential as it was. But, the more I thought about it, this little house had it's own purpose and season.

You have to admit, though, it looks sad even in the picture. Completely unintentional, but it does seem  a little dramatic right?!

 

 When we landed in Lubbock, we landed at my old college rent house. Not a coincidence, it was recently vacated. It was such a blessing to have somewhere to live, no strings attached, until we found a permanent house. But, there were strings attached. In fact, there was a lot attached, not just strings.

   If you know my testimony at all, you know college was a difficult season for me. A season of tremendous growth, but also the painful pruning that preceded it. This house, though a blessing indeed, was also the burial ground of the old me. To me, it was a constant reminder of stupid decisions, lost scholarships, failed classes, failed friendships, wasted time and opportunity.....this was the house where every disappointment I had in myself lived........and now I was moving back in with it.

   When God got a hold of me in college, I sold out completely and literally walked away from the life I had. I left jobs, friends, degree plans...... I changed schools, I changed majors, I changed addresses and never once went back. I lived in town 3 or 4 more years and never had the desire to even drive by my old house. I clung to these verses:

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"       2 Corinthians 5:17.

 "He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." Revelations 21:5.
 

   And I really was a new creation! His words ARE trustworthy and true! It wasn't pretending or being a hypocrite, it wasn't hiding anything. I was finally walking in the freedom and grace, we were all meant to, and it gave me clarity, confidence, hope and a future. And that's the part I wanted to see and celebrate everyday. It's part of my testimony, or more accurately God's testimony in me, and I have no problem sharing with young people all of the highly effective ways I learned to not succeed in college. But, God has done so much more since then. It makes me sad when I hear someone share their testimony and the only thing that comes to mind is their salvation experience as a youngster. Yes, it's important, vitally important. But that's not where His work was faithfully completed, it's just where it began. A yielded spirit should be able to testify to so much more.

   And yet somehow, God's mysterious ways led me back to where I started. And this time, I brought Andy, Emerson and soon to be Berkley. Now, none of this history necessarily interfered with daily living. I don't know that I've even really shared how I felt about it with anyone, except Andy. We still made precious memories and had good times there, I just wasn't very motivated to get to comfortable or settle in there. I needed it to be temporary and it was...for 3 years.

                          And, wouldn't you know that when it mattered most, we couldn't have been in a better place when Berkley was born. One of things that made our little house so inconvenient was that it was entirely across town from the church, grandparents, etc. It was too far to have a home group there and too far to go back and forth very much, with babies and naps.

   But, it was at the most a mile and half from the NICU. The only way I could have lived closer to Berky for the 3 months she was in the NICU was if I had lived in a trailer in the parking lot, as so, so many did.

   That little house made it possible for me to get things done at the house, spend time with Emerson, be available for Andy or church and still go see that sweet thing whenever I wanted.

Thank you, thank you Jesus for that sweet little house on 23rd. Thank you for providing it so we could come to Lubbock seamlessly. Thank you for the precious two 1st birthdays, one 2nd birthday and one 3rd birthday around a cramped little table. Thank you for the rooms filled with crashing drums or the beeps of Berky's heart monitor, that you could hear no matter where you were. Thank you for meeting the needs of our growing family in giving us this house.....and the next.

 

The House

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When we realized we might be moving from Lubbock, many people's first response was "What about your house?" or "Oh no, your house!" Why the shock or sympathetic horror? Because 'THE HOUSE" was never just "a house" and it has a story all it's own.

   I would love to write a story book of all the things God does, but I get overwhelmed when I try to think of how to start. Do I write chronologically or group them by theme? Do I start with the major story and then follow the thread to completion before I start another? You see, with God, it's "all connected." ( This is a nod to one of our beloved former pastors, Mike Hamlet.) It's so true. It's ALL connected. This is my favorite part of walking with the Lord and studying scripture. You can peel back layer upon layer and find new, fresh and relevant meaning every time.

   I suppose you could view your life as independent separate experiences, but I think it would be depressing. If the trials had no meaning or the seasons of joy hadn't been built on those trials? Truly, depressing. I much prefer the "God did this, so then this, which opened the door to that, then God led us to this, so we would learn this, and finally, God was exalted in all of it" approach.  Each chapter would have overlapping categories and themes, lessons learned...lessons repeated.  With God's hand skillfully weaving individual threads into a complete and amazing story, a story that begins and ends in Him.

   The story of the house or houses, as it were, would fall under, protection, faithfulness, God's timing, tithing and giving, and for sure miracles. But, when I think about the story of "THE HOUSE," my heart just melts and I immediately think of the good gifts a Father gives His children. This kind of gift  is so extravagant and so unnecessary, but it's not given to manipulate or coerce affection. It's the very desire of your heart, that you never dare speak aloud, given purely  to delight you and demonstrate His love. In this story, and in my heart, 'THE HOUSE" is one such gift. And, while others may have enjoyed it and others now own it, it was given to me. My Father gave it to me. I am humbled and overwhelmed even now to think about it.

   My Father gave me this gift in particular, to show me several things. It showed me that God knows me in a personal and intimate way and is not "out there" or distant. It showed me that even though God does sometimes work in broad, general ways for the good of everyone, He also does the one thing for the one person, that matters and benefits no one else...unless you're the one person.  It showed me that God's plan for the last year was put in motion long ago, this was so comforting to me because it meant that not a moment of it was wasted. It helped me to see everything in a coordinated timeline, with a planned and purposed beginning, a masterfully executed and prepared for ending....and no accidents in between. Not a single day or a single prayer was superfluous. Every disappointment, every dose of reality, every blessing was necessary to propel me closer to now. Closer to Him.

   To appreciate "THE HOUSE," you must first understand all that was before it. I think most believers, and especially people in ministry, will tell you that when God is in it, it just works out. Our circumstances have never adhered to practical logic or predictability, not in any area. Our romance and wedding was out of a movie, our 2 preemies, my health, Andy's talent, our finances....all of it has defied even resembling normalcy, but bowed without resistance to God's touch. Especially, in regards to houses. I'm not sure why, though I have a pretty good idea,  but this is an area God has protected and blessed us in. Still does.

And so it begins....on Pinelake Court.

 This was our first house, in Spartanburg, SC. It's probably not funny to anyone else, but it only just now occurred to me the two houses kind of resemble each other.

 When we moved to SC, I desperately wanted to buy a house in the only historic district in the city and renovate. We tried and tried, and either deals would fall through, roadblocks would come up, blemishes would reveal themselves.....we just could not make it happen.

I was so discouraged. I kept telling Andy, "This is the perfect time of our lives for a project. It's just the two of us, we have two incomes...we won't want do this in 10 years." There were a limited number of house in that area and we had explored every one to no end. A few days later, we found Pinelake Court. We loved it immediately. There was a pond in the back, azaleas, hydrangeas, dogwoods. Coming from West Texas, it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. We purchased Pinelake way under value from siblings who were feuding after their parents death. It seemed they enjoyed using the house to torment each other and kept lowering the price to gouge the others profit. They agreed on nothing, except us. As it turns out, their mother's father had been a music minister and though they snarled and hissed at each other, they both smiled sentimentally and agreed, Mother would have loved knowing there was music in the house.

That brother and sister walked away from closing with $600 split between them and their realtor. Two days before we closed on Pinelake Court, we found out I was pregnant. We had no idea at the time, but God had protected us in unbelievable ways.

 We could have never known that my school year would end early, my pregnancy would end early, all the energy I had would be gone from high blood pressure and HELLP Syndrome.  I spent the weeks and months I thought I should have been rehabbing fighting for my life, trying to regain my health, visiting a baby in NICU for months.

 If we had bought the house I thought we needed, our finances would have been devastated. We could have lost everything trying to get out of it, unable to do the work ourselves.

                

We moved into Pinelake Court right before Christmas 2006. We had everything we owned unloaded into the front living room and we locked the door and drove to Charlotte to catch a flight home. We were newlyweds, in a great city, in a great house, at a great church and expecting our first child. It was pure bliss.

   After we had such a scare with Emerson, we wanted to be closer to family or at least more accessible. We began praying about where God would lead us next. It was mid 2007 and the housing market was beginning to stall. We should have taken a hit on a house we'd only been in a year, the house should have sat on the market....But God. Pinelake Court never went on the market. We sold it to our Sunday school teachers, whose family we still dearly love, at a fair asking price and we prayed together with them and an attorney from church at closing.

   We were so excited when we found out we would be coming to Lubbock. There was not a single negative about coming to Lubbock, except the house. I don't know how many times Andy and I would laugh and sigh while we looked at apartments and houses, "We'll never have a house like Pinelake." We must have said it a hundred times over the next year. We had accepted the reality that the greatest and best house we would ever own was gone after only a year.  We still had pictures in our phones and we would show people our backyard, with the pond and trees.....and then we would all have a good laugh, because there ain't nothin' like that in Lubbock.

Enter.....THE HOUSE.

I Thought Happiness was Lubbock, Texas......

To understand the fullness and completeness of what God has brought us through and to, you have to go back to the beginning. And that, is Lubbock, Texas.

  

   Lubbock, Texas.....one man's middle of nowhere, one man's paradise. One man's road passing through, one man's road home. I could go on and on......One man's wide open spaces and big sky, another man's nothin' but nothing......nowhere.....for miles....for days......

  

   I was born in Lubbock and lived here until I was 5, moved all around and came back "home" after high school graduation. I left DFW at 17 and knew I would never go back. I couldn't tell you why or how, but I knew Lubbock was where I was supposed to be. Even though I hadn't visited there in 12 years, didn't know a single person there, had no family there, and wasn't sure what I'd do once I got there, off I went.

   I wish I could tell you that I knew immediately why God called me to West Texas, but I didn't. I wouldn't figure out why I was there until a couple of years later. As, it turns out....my parents retired to Lubbock, I learned about life in Lubbock, I committed my life to Christ in Lubbock and was called to ministry there. I met the absolute man of my dreams and future husband at First Baptist Lubbock, where we dated and later married. A few years later, we brought our new baby, Emerson, home to live in Lubbock at 6 months old. We began a new ministry, had sweet Berkley, made life long friends and built our dream home....in Lubbock.

   This wasn't necessarily our plan from the beginning, it's just how it happened....as it often does with God. Andy and I knew, when we married, we would move away and likely never return. It's hard to have a hometown in ministry. God took us to Austin and Spartanburg and just blessed us to death with great memories, the nicest, most loving people and an abundance of priceless experience. After Emerson was born, we began praying God would move us closer to family. We thought we'd make it as far as Atlanta, or maybe even Dallas. But, we never dreamed in a million years we'd come back to Lubbock. There's a lot we never dreamed.

   We have had the precious and unique opportunity to share the last 4 years with the overwhelming support, encouragement and friendship of both mine and Andy's parents in the same town. Now "Not everyone gets to do that, in fact most don't do that," you say. I know. Believe me, I know. I have also known everyday of 4 years how richly we were blessed to be in that small percentage who do. It's been heaven. We could have never done what we did in a new church without our family and friends. We could have  never moved into my old college rent house while we got on our feet, never started a worship ministry from nothing,  never survived Berk being in NICU 3 months with a toddler at home, never survived the last year. Had it not been for family and friends....and Lubbock.

   You see, being in Lubbock means free babysitting, friends we had known since 17, for me, and 6th grade, for Andy. It means limitless musical connections and opportunities, a network of friends and prayer warriors from 4 churches in our history. It means Alumni Band marches in September and Court Jester's over Christmas. It means going places and people say "Hello" because they know you or they know your daddy. It means you can get away for a weekend, because life is hard and marriage is important. It means every important occasion has had 4 beaming grandparents at it, Mimi the Great and a host of friends. It means building your dream home in a city you don't plan to leave. A life so great, why would you ever leave? Easy. You wouldn't.

   You wouldn't give this life up for more money, no need. You wouldn't give it up for more talent, better friends, or easier living, you already have it. You wouldn't give it up on a dare or a whim and you certainly wouldn't give it up over a grudge. Oh no, friends, you don't walk away from this life over pride or power, anger or attitude. If anything, this life is so good, it's all the reason you need to get over everything. There was a thousand reasons to stay. But, it only took one to leave. God called us to.

   God called us to leave and we knew He had. We could pretend it wasn't so or pretend we hadn't clearly known it. But, friends, there are worse things in life than having "your plans" change and walking in disobedience is one of them. I know, I've walked in it. It's misery. This doesn't mean obedience is easy. In fact for us, obedience in this area was truly painful and made us deeply, deeply sad. Only a couple people have heard me say this aloud, but leaving Lubbock was the most grown-up, sacrificial thing Andy and I had done in our married lives. God called us to lay down and leave one of the most precious seasons and places we had known and trust Him. And we did, but we cried all the way to the altar.

   But isn't God kind? Isn't He so merciful? God brought us TO a difficult decision only after He had held our hand THROUGH every step required to get there. You see, He knows us as only a daddy does. He knows that to take something, made of dust and ashes, skin and flesh, and make it reflect His glory is a painful impossibility without His hand. I love the picture Scripture gives about the Potter and His vessel.

   As the vessel, you get to that point where you feel like you  are actually almost done. He has worked out the biggest imperfections and impurities and now you're beginning to take form. You start to feel a sincere since of pride and gratitude, that His work is paying off and you can now see yourself becoming His vision. You're almost done. But then, the Potters hand, after careful examination, folds you back over into a distorted heap. It seems abrupt and unecessary, rude even, as you spin and spin with seemingly important pieces falling to the ground. "What was the point?!" you cry in disappointment.

   The Potter, gentle as ever, begins smoothing you out once again, shaping and consoling you. It wasn't at all abrupt and it is necessary. I thought we were at a stopping point, and He was just pausing to evaluate. Was I ready? Were we ready? Would we trust Him to do the work still needed? Would we trust Him to get us to who, and what and where He wanted us to be?Would we trust that His plan for us surpasses all we could have imagined? Would we trust Him to pick up and add back any necessary pieces that had fallen to the ground? Some of those pieces do go back, you know. They may be in new places or in different ways. But, in His hands we lack nothing we need.

   The real question, was did we trust Him enough to leave what was comfortable and familiar, beloved and treasured and follow wherever He leads? Yes, we did. And, already we see His perfect provision and His truly lavish love. God has a plan for us that has taken us far from home, to a new home. God is doing things we could have never dreamed, not in a million years.

   I thought happiness was Lubbock, Texas. And, it was. For a season...a precious season.