Not Just a Book

 Seeds of Hope

    Sorry Friends, I know it's been a while. We are getting settled into our new house, new church and city. I often struggle with the fact that there is so much I want to be doing, more ministry, more writing, reaching out.......but this just isn't that season. My season right now is raising precious "used to be toddlers," relishing these last few years, before school and life demand more of them. My season right now is to be a wife, a pastor's wife, and take every opportunity to explore this new and expanded territory we have been called to. So friends, my writing will be sporadic I'm afraid, until the Lord tells me to do any differently. But, I am carving out time for this one. I hope you think it a story worth sharing.
Blessings to you in your season, may it undoubtedly be scattered with seeds of hope.
Sara

   I have wanted for so long to share the story of Terese with you, and with many of you I have. In fact if you've received a gift from me in the last year, been struggling, lost someone.......perhaps better said, if you are someone who has blessed me or I have wanted to bless or encourage you in a profound way, I have either given you this book or shared with you, from this book.  I have become somewhat of a nut about it. I order it by the case, right this minute I'm carrying 8 in my car, just waiting for the person the Lord leads me to encourage with it. And, anytime I give it out, I always want to share the full history behind it, which makes me seem even nuttier. I don't know why I feel like that's necessary........no, wait, I do. This book has such significance to me personally, and is so anointed, I want whomever I share it with to understand that it is not to be discarded or put on a shelf, and never opened again. It's to be read everyday, and then shared with whomever you encounter.......and then you become a nut who orders cases........and the circle of life is complete!


Enter sermonette.

    In ministry, I often find myself wanting so badly to be the giver of good gifts....now when I say good gifts, I don't mean trinkets, or crafty things, not even expensive things. I want to give "gifts" that change someones day or heart, "gifts" that melt burdens or bring healing or much needed joy.  I try to give "gifts" that others might hesitate with, and that's usually.....words. It seems so silly, but people often withhold the most desired gift of all, when they don't speak the things people are needing to hear from someone, needing someone to say aloud. I have found, and granted I may be way off base, but when I am really sincerely wanting to bless someone, it is usually through words...........praying over them out loud, extolling or exhorting, encouraging, speaking favor over someone, telling them what they mean to me - what they mean to God, acknowledging, appreciating..........call it whatever you want, but I don't just think it, I do it, I say it. And, I don't fake it. Nothing is worse than lying, insincere, flattering lips. The point of this is not to be flowery and make yourself look good, it's to bless someone, in the Spirit, in their spirit.

How do you do you do that? Pray about how the Lord sees them, pray about what the Lord would have you say to them, pray about wisdom to ease someones pain, or the words that the Lord would use to bring peace or hope to someone, and then say just those things!

 This has not always been easy for me, but it's something I understand the value of and something I am willing to seem foolish and awkward doing, until I get better. This is something you practice, the easiest and safest place to practice it is in your prayer life, how you talk to God, who is worthy of every word. Practice it by looking for opportunities to bless someone, by looking for someone who needs a touch from the Lord and then humbly pray He would use you to be it. If you've ever been around someone who has this skill, you probably know it. In my life, there have been a handful of people who are so gifted, that I just treasure every encounter with them. They fully understand how much weight their words carry with me, and they use every one to minister to me. Whether teachers, speakers, preachers, authors or poets.............I am amazed by people who are gifted communicators, people who truly recognize that their words can bring life or depth to someone and are not shared to fill voids or exalt themselves. This is why I am amazed by Seeds of Hope.

   Why am I telling you this? Because, words are power. Words spoken or written, shared with the prompting of the Holy Spirit, are POWER. Lots of people are educated, smart, verbose and eloquent and yet, bless almost no one. But, someone who is a willing instrument for the Lord to bless people through them, through their gifts? Oh, my word! There are no limits, no boundaries that cannot be surpassed by one person operating under the anointing and motivation of the Holy Spirit. There is no number or measure to the lives God can touch through one person, with no agenda other than, "Lord, how can I serve you? Lord, how can I use my gifts to bring glory to you?"  This is where part of my affection for Seeds of Hope comes from, not all, but part. I am in awe of a work that is produced purely by one person waking up everyday, for hundreds of days, and saying "Lord, I know someone, somewhere is going to need a word from you today. Someone I don't know and may never meet, will be hurting on this day or searching on this day, not searching for me - but you, Lord, and they will pick up this book.........what would you have me tell them?"

   How do I know this was how it was written? Because, I know the author and she is my friend, my mentor. And, now you know the "why," or actually the "who," of the why I love sharing about this book.  As much as I love this book, and I do love this book.........the real treasure is it's author, Terese Holloway.    "Who shared it with me?" you cleverly ask?
 
If I told you, you wouldn't believe me.

But, what the heck? Risk it!! I'll tell you anyway!

      God did. God shared this experience with me.  You see, in the middle of my journey, God graciously allowed my path to intersect with the paths of  some of His most beautiful creations. God was working out a plan for months, years even, weaving the most brilliant tapestry- a tapestry woven through extraordinary circumstances and extraordinary people, including one former President (of the USA!!!! not a quilting club!) one world-famous bible-study teacher/author, two new life-long friends-a poet, and a prophet- a couple of dreams, one car wreck, one miracle, two full circle moments........... and my local grocery store.


Only God.

More to come.......

On the Road, Again....

   There is a difference between moving from somewhere and leaving. I believe it is the same difference between being called to leave and not wanting to stay any longer, and it makes all the difference in the world. One is a change of location or job, the other is an act of obedience and falls under the the blessing and provision of the Holy Spirit. We'll spend more time on that another day.

   We were called to leave. And, we were also called to another specific place, not just anywhere but here. When you see God's leading so clearly, as we did, there is no second guessing, no wondering if this is the right choice or right place. It easy to move forward and not look back when you know the Lord is not just walking with you, but directing your steps.

   This is my absolute favorite part of the story! You just won't even believe the rest. If you were present during this part, give a shout out, so people know I'm not making it up. It's that unbelievable.

   Over the course of 2 months, it became very clear that God was leading us to Spring, Texas. I will spend more on how we knew that later, it is it's own miracle, too. I want to get you caught up to where we are today! Even though we had such certainty and clarity about making all the decisions to leave, each one still stung just a bit. Putting our house on the market was no different.

   The last year had been so chaotic and consuming that most of the detailing, decorating and organizing I wanted to do had been put on hold and was now doing, to get our house ready to sell. My mom, dad and I, or Andy and I, really tried to enjoy the days we spent getting things off our honey-do list, decluttering and perfecting things. It really was a precious time together. I bet I planted $300 dollars worth of mums. I told a friend I was a rage gardener, some run.....I mum. I didn't have to do it and I knew I couldn't take them with me, but it gave me joy during a difficult time and I smiled every time I drove up to our house, even with a "For Sale" sign in the yard.

   We almost never do business with people in our ministry area or church, period. We also knew this may be a difficult market and house, with it being so personalized. It could have been a potentially precarious situation for everyone. But we really felt like the Lord, was leading us to use some of our close friends/church members to list our house. Even though, it was as  emotionally difficult for them to sell our house, as it was for us to leave it.  There is something to be said about realtors who pray over your home, who use not just common sense but discernment, to help you make decisions. Thank you, Gary and Trudi Owen.
  There is a price you can sell your home at in May, and a price you can sell at in November. There is a price you can sell at if you have  nothing but time, there is a price for selling your house quickly. In that regard, we had nothing going for us. There were at least 6 houses around us that had been sitting there for months and even though we were probably going to lose money anyway, we couldn't afford to low ball ourselves. Andy and I prayed about it, the Owen's prayed about it, and we felt that if God was in this, He would show us favor and we priced our home at the very top of what was still fair. And, on the market it went.

   I remember sitting in a driveway across the street when the realtors toured our home and just bawling. It was a tough thing, to see people with no attachment or affection for what you were going through, parade through and objectively, professionally, assess your homes value. It was priceless to us. After one of the showings, I came back home and parked in front. A precious friend had texted me a bible verse earlier in the week and I hadn't had time to read it yet, but I was sitting in the car praying and could come up with nothing of comfort for myself. So, I got out my phone to look up the verse.
   As I sat in my car, in front of the house, with the sign and the mums, I read this:  "Behold, I am doing a new thing! Now it SPRINGS up; do you not see it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:19 Thank you, Jesus. Thanks, friend.

   We put our house on the  market and then left to make our first trip to Spring. We showed it 8 times in 5 days and the first day of our trip to Houston, we had an offer......for asking price. When all was said and done, our house sold in less than a week for $2500 over asking price and we closed one month later, taking away just over $5,000.

FINDING THE NEXT HOUSE.......
   We knew we were going to Spring, maybe even before they knew if they wanted us. We knew the first day we visited, and the first time we met the pastor and staff, that this is where God was calling us. We began looking at houses on the internet, as our generation does, and it seemed like we could get a ton of house for the money. We saw 3500 square foot dream homes in the $150k range. It seemed like shooting fish in a barrel, just take your pick of one of a hundred great houses.
   But, when we got there and were in a position to feel comfortable looking, the list of possible choices grew smaller and smaller. To be in the right school district, close to the church, in our range and good for young families......that narrowed it way down. On our second trip, we went with a realtor to see some of the houses we thought were so great, as it turned out, they were not near as great, in person. With every house she showed us, we got further and further from church. There is a lot we were willing to give up, but being as close as possible to church, was not one of them. When Andy asked about wanting to see things closer, the realtor jokingly responded "Suck it Up! This is Houston." I know she was kidding, but it wasn't funny to us, and so we found ourselves, for the second time, breaking our rule about church members. We knew we were supposed to change realtor's and we knew we were supposed to change to one recommended by someone at the church. We were so discouraged after our first outing. The houses weren't just cosmetically bad, they had things you couldn't overcome, like being on busy streets, or bad schools, in neighborhoods with only older retired couples (not a bad thing, just hard to walk to a buddies house for the kids.) The morning before we met with the new realtor, we prayed that God would help us find our home. We had already seen God take care of every possible detail we could have imagined, and we knew He had a home for us....just show it to us Lord! Andy prayed specifically, that Amy (our divinely appointed realtor) would show us something new, something we hadn't seen before, on any websites or listings.

   After the first 3 or 4 houses, we were discouraged all over again, as the reality set in. We were never going to be in a house like we had. With each one we saw, Andy would point out what he would miss most about our last house. Which for him, was mostly tall ceilings! We had to pull ourselves together, we had to get over it and accept that we shouldn't make comparisons at all. I sat in the backseat with my sunglasses on, trying to hide the fact that I was crying. I was praying "Lord, we don't care where or what it looks like, just lead us to the house you want us to be in and we will buy it, no questions asked."
   Amy knew we were disappointed and as we headed back to the church, she suggested we make one last stop. "I know you're not interested in new construction after what you've been through, but this is close to the church and there are some houses this builder has in inventory, that are finished but not sold." At that point, we would have looked anywhere. We drove into nice neighborhood, that looked active and cheerful. The first inventory house we looked at was so much better than what we had seen before, but still not quite right. But, at least it was encouraging! We looked at a few more, talked to a sales rep.......he showed us a floor plan for one he thought might work, and it did, but they didn't have any available. As we all stood in one of the houses, and he looked over his papers, he began telling us that the floor plan we wanted was actually scheduled for a build and that it was available....but we would need to pick out everything.......not a problem!

   Friends, we are building, or have already built, I should say, our second brand new home!!!! We couldn't believe it, when Andy and I realized what the Lord was doing we just laughed and giggled. Seriously, Lord?!?! You would do this?!?! And, Yes He would!!! This was the most practical house budget wise, was 5 minutes from the church and closer than anything we had looked at before, this was in an amazing school district, with a brand new elementary school in walking distance, there were neighborhood pools and parks, soccer fields, walking trails, everything......and yes, very tall ceilings.
   When we started to do the paperwork, God continued to outdo Himself. Our house was the first sale of November, so that's $10,000 off. It is the last home of  this subdivision, so that's $5,000 off. It was already supposed to have upgraded stone on the front, do you mind having that?!.....Um, no! This one also must have a covered back patio, you can't change it. Is that OK? It's supposed to have upgraded appliances, no cost to you, is that OK? YES!!!!!! Friends, we are basically building our last, beloved house......only bigger. We sent their design center our link to the MLS for our old "new" house and they basically recreated it for the "new, new" house!!!!!!!! I can't put enough exclamation points!!!!

  When went down for Andy's first Sunday, we went to see the house. The first thing I noticed was the garage doors. They were not the ones I picked. They were the upgraded ones....that are awesome! The other thing that "wasn't right" was all of the can lights in the living room, which I love but didn't pick to keep our cost down. Andy and I were OK with the "flaws," thrilled in fact, but knew the right thing to do was tell someone, after all we hadn't paid for them. When we mentioned it to our sales rep, he informed us that some new things had taken affect January 1st. They were supposed to be for only new houses in the next unit, but since ours was still in progress, they included it. The upgraded  awesome garage doors, aren't an upgrade anymore, they are standard. When you do the covered patio, it now comes with the upgraded lighting package. He hoped we didn't mind.................

   The babies and I are loaded up, and in just a few minutes will get on the road to Spring, When we get there, we will drive to our new home for the homeowners demonstration and close on it Friday morning. It was completed in exactly 2 months. We didn't get to do the house blessing or write scriptures on the wall, but I believe, in fact I know, that the Holy Spirit has been encamped over the lot where our home was being built....for at least two months, and probably longer. He has surely left His mark on it and blessed it from the foundation to the roof. It is beautiful, and has tremendous curb appeal.......the stone looks amazing, and the yard is already done, with a tree ( a big deal in Lubbock!) But, all I see when I look at our new home, the House My Father has prepared for us........is the cross.

We just knew our home, in Spartanburg, would never be matched. We knew, when faced with insurmountable debt and medical bills, we would never even be homeowners again. And we absolutely knew, that we had built our one and only dream home, only to never own it and leave it exactly one year later. We knew we would never find a house in Houston.............but, somehow in all that, we forgot that we KNOW Jesus. We KNOW the maker of heaven and earth, the Author and Perfecter of our faith, Provider, Sustainer, Deliverer, Comforter and Friend.....the Real Joy Giver. And, He KNOWS us. And He KNOWS the plans HE has for us.

We took this picture of our family, late at night after we had spent the day being boxed up and cleaning the house, in preparation for closing, the next morning. Our last day in the house, with all the grandparents we were moving from, standing in front of us..........taking our picture. We smiled and said "cheese!" though we weren't necessarily happy, more tired and a little sad. Growing up, we moved a lot.Taking your picture with a sign declaring your next destination is a tradition on my side. As we stood in the empty house, trying to decide what to write, Andy and I knew what it should say. And, we needed our family, our friends and young children to see it and know that we believe it......

GOD IS GOOD.

Blessings,

Sara, Andy and the Babies

IN MY FATHER'S HOUSE........

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  I have told this story so far through houses, it has given me parameters to edit out parts that are unrelated and allowed me to spend considerable time on things, that seemed less significant when they occurred. But, I could tell this same story and tell it only through the passages of the Scripture that the Lord led us to this year or through the different and new people that God used to encourage and challenge us. Yes, friends, I could recount this exact story but tell it only through the theme of weather, strangely the weather, the endless drought and need for rain over the last year, parallels this story. But, the next most precious way I would tell it would be through songs, the songs that have ministered to me at different times of my life and for different reasons would tell a powerful tale.

   I was listening to one such song today, "I Lift My Hands," from Chris Tomlin. "As I pour out my heart, these things I remember, You are faithful God forever." It carries an entirely new meaning today, than it did before. I was pouring out very different things a few months ago and clinging to the belief that was God faithful, though I couldn't see how. I was lifting my hands weakly in surrender and now they are raised in praise. Only God.

   Even in December, when our world came crashing down, we didn't actually consider we would be leaving our new home. In fact, it wasn't until July that I began to understand what God may be leading us to and someday I will tell you that story, it will be called "Wreckage."

   If we had known, we would only be there a year, we would have done things quite differently. We would have built a house for resale, and as you can see, we did the exact opposite. Our home had our personality written all over it. Sweet Andy, who let me recreate exactly what I envisioned only had a few wants. It was so simple really. Andy objected to so little I wanted to do, for heaven's sake he let me take square feet from the living area to make a laundry room we could have lived in! When it came to the few things he really wanted, I would have moved heaven and earth to make sure he got each and every one.Our house was custom, and custom to us meant raising every bless-ed cabinet, shelf  and clothes rod to accommodate Andy. This was the first time Andy's shirts and pants didn't drag the ground, his shoes fit on the shelves and the shower didn't rain down at chest high. The shower was taller, the vanities taller and the doors...you guessed it, taller. This was a luxury for him, indeed. The contractor thought I was crazy when I gave my dimensions and flatly refused some things, until he saw Andy......and then he kindly walked us through the house making sure everything was the right height. And we loved it, Andy loved it.

   The thought of moving and leaving Lubbock was something that it took months to even consider and even more months to realize may actually happen. The Lord does that on purpose, I think. He let us see manageable, digestible portions of His will, so we were not paralyzed or overwhelmed. He lead us gently and kindly toward His purpose, as a Good Shepherd does, and with each step patiently waited, until we were ready for Him to reveal more.

 I told you earlier about when I realized what an extravagant gift our home was........ I wish I could tell you it was after deep prayer or meditation, but it wasn't. It was in the bathroom, the custom bathroom, as I sat in the tub. It was July, and I was beginning to understand that though we had prayed and believed for restoration, God was answering us in a different way. It had been washing over us for a few days and wasn't quite so raw anymore and I was sitting in the tub, looking at the tile. I was thinking how no one could possibly appreciate the trips made back and forth, the time spent putting those together, so it would be just so, for my man. No one would ever appreciate the time and love that went into every detail. And, then I thought to myself, how ironic it was that we never actually owned the house.

Did you catch that? Don't miss it, I was thinking how strange and funny that though it was indeed, our house- we built it and lived in it, after all.........we never owned it. Let me explain. The house, did in fact go over budget and past the completion date. Quite a bit, as it turned out. Most of that we paid out of pocket along the way, but as we approached closing in November, we wanted to roll closing costs into our loan. We were working with a local bank, with whom we had a good relationship, and they suggested keeping our interim construction loan until it matured just 3 months later, and then roll everything in. So that's what we did, we kept our interim construction loan until it reached a full year and then set a closing date. In the meantime, we paid only the interest.

   Evidently, working with mortgages takes its toll on people. When March came around, our loan was being handled by it's third account manager. We set a date for closing, but closing never came. In the shuffling of people and papers, some of our file was missing. They were very apologetic and asked if we wouldn't mind extending our interim loan 3 months until a supervisor could go over it. And, on we march.....to June. In June, the bank president called and had heard we might be moving. He was very concerned for us and pointed out that we could be facing 2 closings, one to buy and one to sell. Selling after 1 year and having 2 closings, in this market, would destroy us financially. He prayed for us, gave us another extension and  told us to let him know how else they could help. I had never met this man, but he knew my daddy. * See earlier notes on why living in Lubbock, Tx and being the daughter of my earthly father, is only a blessing.

Back to the tub....

    I have such a limited understanding of the things of God, it's embarrassing. But, I have a healthy enough fear and reverence for who He is, that I did not dare tell Him it was unfair. I have understood, for quite sometime, that I walk under an undeserved canopy of His grace and mercy, He is both shade and shelter. So, I will not shake my fist at Him, like an insolent child. I will not. But, I did confess, with my lips and tears, my broken heart, my grief over the house and all that leaving it meant. And, I think that's Ok, I believe He honors that pain. He knows when His children are wounded and He deals with us so tenderly when we tell Him how bad it hurts and ask for His comfort.

"Lord, I trust you but I don't understand. Help me understand."

As I was getting out, and now thinking and praying over these things, the reality that we may be leaving, the irony that we had built a home that was exactly as we wanted only to leave, not ever having owned the silly thing...."Lord, How does that happen? Why would you let us have it if we can't keep it? How could it have been "so us" and  yet never really ours?" His response made me stand very still and hold my breath.

IT WAS NEVER YOURS TO KEEP. "Lord?" IT WAS NEVER YOURS TO KEEP. "How can that be, Lord? What was it then?"  BORROWED. "Borrowed? Why let us do all this, for a house that was borrowed?" BECAUSE IT DELIGHTED YOU. "You let me design every inch, pick every single thing for a RENT house?" THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I DID. I COULD HAVE LEFT YOU IN YOUR LITTLE HOUSE ON 23RD, BUT I KNEW THE STEPS OF FAITH I WOULD ASK YOU TO TAKE THIS YEAR AND I WANTED YOU TO BE IN MY HOUSE, WHEN I ASKED.

   It came over me like a flood and I understood it all and it all overwhelmed me. We started building this house 9 months before we ever moved in and had a few months of planning, before we ever started. The Lord knew even then and began making preparations for us. None of this was careless or haphazard. The Lord knew this season was coming long before I ever did and orchestrated all of these things so that when it came, we would be in THE HOUSE, My Father prepared for us. He just let me decorate it.

   As I stood there, in the bathroom, looking into our bedroom, He brought to mind the floor in front of me. I was looking at the carpet where twice before I had laid on my face before Him. I would love to tell you that I am such a prayer warrior and so deep, that I often pray laying on the ground. I have done some kneeling, lots of standing, lots of sitting....but only three times in my life have I gotten on my face in prayer. Once, 2 years earlier, in the house on 23rd, I was faced with losing my life and leaving my precious husband and babies with no mama. I cried out to God for wisdom and the strength to trust Him. I remember having to move furniture to make room and vacuum before I lay down.
   The second time, was in the new house, in February. I laid down in that spot and cried out to God for His intervention and restoration. The third time, was a couple days earlier when I realized we were being called to leave. I cried out to God for wisdom and the strength to trust Him. I felt the Holy spirit showing me, "SEE, I KNEW WHAT YOU NEEDED." Now, I didn't "need" new carpet so I would put my face on it, but that's what makes it so extravagant. I didn't need any of it, but He did it just for me, just because.
  
   He reminded me that THE HOUSE, He prepared, was prepared for the many Godly men and women, who would come  to meet us, the pastors from our city and around the state who came offering encouragement, counsel and prayer. In THE HOUSE, I could be gracious and hospitable. It was prepared for our family, friends and fellow staff, who could come to relax and fellowship. It was prepared with a place in the kitchen, where I could spread out my Bible and books and seek Him, in the morning. It was the perfect spot for me, because He let me measure and remeasure it a hundred times.

   If God would have let us build our dream home  and that was the end of the story, it would have been enough. But, the fact that He let us build our dream home, purely to delight us and make the 1 year we rented it at half price, more enjoyable and comfortable.....to meet the unique needs we had last year, to allow a season of teaching and testing to be done in such a beautiful home? I told you THE HOUSE, was a gift so extravagant, and by definition it was. Extravagant means:  Exceeding the limits of reason or necessity.  Lacking in moderation, balance, and restraint. And, isn't He?

That night I dried off, got dressed and got my cleaning stuff out. I began with the tile in the bathroom....and a toothbrush, and began getting it ready to sell. What a special priviledge, what an honor, to prepare this house for whom it was intended.