IN MY FATHER'S HOUSE........

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  I have told this story so far through houses, it has given me parameters to edit out parts that are unrelated and allowed me to spend considerable time on things, that seemed less significant when they occurred. But, I could tell this same story and tell it only through the passages of the Scripture that the Lord led us to this year or through the different and new people that God used to encourage and challenge us. Yes, friends, I could recount this exact story but tell it only through the theme of weather, strangely the weather, the endless drought and need for rain over the last year, parallels this story. But, the next most precious way I would tell it would be through songs, the songs that have ministered to me at different times of my life and for different reasons would tell a powerful tale.

   I was listening to one such song today, "I Lift My Hands," from Chris Tomlin. "As I pour out my heart, these things I remember, You are faithful God forever." It carries an entirely new meaning today, than it did before. I was pouring out very different things a few months ago and clinging to the belief that was God faithful, though I couldn't see how. I was lifting my hands weakly in surrender and now they are raised in praise. Only God.

   Even in December, when our world came crashing down, we didn't actually consider we would be leaving our new home. In fact, it wasn't until July that I began to understand what God may be leading us to and someday I will tell you that story, it will be called "Wreckage."

   If we had known, we would only be there a year, we would have done things quite differently. We would have built a house for resale, and as you can see, we did the exact opposite. Our home had our personality written all over it. Sweet Andy, who let me recreate exactly what I envisioned only had a few wants. It was so simple really. Andy objected to so little I wanted to do, for heaven's sake he let me take square feet from the living area to make a laundry room we could have lived in! When it came to the few things he really wanted, I would have moved heaven and earth to make sure he got each and every one.Our house was custom, and custom to us meant raising every bless-ed cabinet, shelf  and clothes rod to accommodate Andy. This was the first time Andy's shirts and pants didn't drag the ground, his shoes fit on the shelves and the shower didn't rain down at chest high. The shower was taller, the vanities taller and the doors...you guessed it, taller. This was a luxury for him, indeed. The contractor thought I was crazy when I gave my dimensions and flatly refused some things, until he saw Andy......and then he kindly walked us through the house making sure everything was the right height. And we loved it, Andy loved it.

   The thought of moving and leaving Lubbock was something that it took months to even consider and even more months to realize may actually happen. The Lord does that on purpose, I think. He let us see manageable, digestible portions of His will, so we were not paralyzed or overwhelmed. He lead us gently and kindly toward His purpose, as a Good Shepherd does, and with each step patiently waited, until we were ready for Him to reveal more.

 I told you earlier about when I realized what an extravagant gift our home was........ I wish I could tell you it was after deep prayer or meditation, but it wasn't. It was in the bathroom, the custom bathroom, as I sat in the tub. It was July, and I was beginning to understand that though we had prayed and believed for restoration, God was answering us in a different way. It had been washing over us for a few days and wasn't quite so raw anymore and I was sitting in the tub, looking at the tile. I was thinking how no one could possibly appreciate the trips made back and forth, the time spent putting those together, so it would be just so, for my man. No one would ever appreciate the time and love that went into every detail. And, then I thought to myself, how ironic it was that we never actually owned the house.

Did you catch that? Don't miss it, I was thinking how strange and funny that though it was indeed, our house- we built it and lived in it, after all.........we never owned it. Let me explain. The house, did in fact go over budget and past the completion date. Quite a bit, as it turned out. Most of that we paid out of pocket along the way, but as we approached closing in November, we wanted to roll closing costs into our loan. We were working with a local bank, with whom we had a good relationship, and they suggested keeping our interim construction loan until it matured just 3 months later, and then roll everything in. So that's what we did, we kept our interim construction loan until it reached a full year and then set a closing date. In the meantime, we paid only the interest.

   Evidently, working with mortgages takes its toll on people. When March came around, our loan was being handled by it's third account manager. We set a date for closing, but closing never came. In the shuffling of people and papers, some of our file was missing. They were very apologetic and asked if we wouldn't mind extending our interim loan 3 months until a supervisor could go over it. And, on we march.....to June. In June, the bank president called and had heard we might be moving. He was very concerned for us and pointed out that we could be facing 2 closings, one to buy and one to sell. Selling after 1 year and having 2 closings, in this market, would destroy us financially. He prayed for us, gave us another extension and  told us to let him know how else they could help. I had never met this man, but he knew my daddy. * See earlier notes on why living in Lubbock, Tx and being the daughter of my earthly father, is only a blessing.

Back to the tub....

    I have such a limited understanding of the things of God, it's embarrassing. But, I have a healthy enough fear and reverence for who He is, that I did not dare tell Him it was unfair. I have understood, for quite sometime, that I walk under an undeserved canopy of His grace and mercy, He is both shade and shelter. So, I will not shake my fist at Him, like an insolent child. I will not. But, I did confess, with my lips and tears, my broken heart, my grief over the house and all that leaving it meant. And, I think that's Ok, I believe He honors that pain. He knows when His children are wounded and He deals with us so tenderly when we tell Him how bad it hurts and ask for His comfort.

"Lord, I trust you but I don't understand. Help me understand."

As I was getting out, and now thinking and praying over these things, the reality that we may be leaving, the irony that we had built a home that was exactly as we wanted only to leave, not ever having owned the silly thing...."Lord, How does that happen? Why would you let us have it if we can't keep it? How could it have been "so us" and  yet never really ours?" His response made me stand very still and hold my breath.

IT WAS NEVER YOURS TO KEEP. "Lord?" IT WAS NEVER YOURS TO KEEP. "How can that be, Lord? What was it then?"  BORROWED. "Borrowed? Why let us do all this, for a house that was borrowed?" BECAUSE IT DELIGHTED YOU. "You let me design every inch, pick every single thing for a RENT house?" THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I DID. I COULD HAVE LEFT YOU IN YOUR LITTLE HOUSE ON 23RD, BUT I KNEW THE STEPS OF FAITH I WOULD ASK YOU TO TAKE THIS YEAR AND I WANTED YOU TO BE IN MY HOUSE, WHEN I ASKED.

   It came over me like a flood and I understood it all and it all overwhelmed me. We started building this house 9 months before we ever moved in and had a few months of planning, before we ever started. The Lord knew even then and began making preparations for us. None of this was careless or haphazard. The Lord knew this season was coming long before I ever did and orchestrated all of these things so that when it came, we would be in THE HOUSE, My Father prepared for us. He just let me decorate it.

   As I stood there, in the bathroom, looking into our bedroom, He brought to mind the floor in front of me. I was looking at the carpet where twice before I had laid on my face before Him. I would love to tell you that I am such a prayer warrior and so deep, that I often pray laying on the ground. I have done some kneeling, lots of standing, lots of sitting....but only three times in my life have I gotten on my face in prayer. Once, 2 years earlier, in the house on 23rd, I was faced with losing my life and leaving my precious husband and babies with no mama. I cried out to God for wisdom and the strength to trust Him. I remember having to move furniture to make room and vacuum before I lay down.
   The second time, was in the new house, in February. I laid down in that spot and cried out to God for His intervention and restoration. The third time, was a couple days earlier when I realized we were being called to leave. I cried out to God for wisdom and the strength to trust Him. I felt the Holy spirit showing me, "SEE, I KNEW WHAT YOU NEEDED." Now, I didn't "need" new carpet so I would put my face on it, but that's what makes it so extravagant. I didn't need any of it, but He did it just for me, just because.
  
   He reminded me that THE HOUSE, He prepared, was prepared for the many Godly men and women, who would come  to meet us, the pastors from our city and around the state who came offering encouragement, counsel and prayer. In THE HOUSE, I could be gracious and hospitable. It was prepared for our family, friends and fellow staff, who could come to relax and fellowship. It was prepared with a place in the kitchen, where I could spread out my Bible and books and seek Him, in the morning. It was the perfect spot for me, because He let me measure and remeasure it a hundred times.

   If God would have let us build our dream home  and that was the end of the story, it would have been enough. But, the fact that He let us build our dream home, purely to delight us and make the 1 year we rented it at half price, more enjoyable and comfortable.....to meet the unique needs we had last year, to allow a season of teaching and testing to be done in such a beautiful home? I told you THE HOUSE, was a gift so extravagant, and by definition it was. Extravagant means:  Exceeding the limits of reason or necessity.  Lacking in moderation, balance, and restraint. And, isn't He?

That night I dried off, got dressed and got my cleaning stuff out. I began with the tile in the bathroom....and a toothbrush, and began getting it ready to sell. What a special priviledge, what an honor, to prepare this house for whom it was intended.

Getting Floored

   Our house turned out to be better than we could have imagined. But, it wasn't entirely smooth sailing. We had agreed upon a budget and then adjusted accordingly to stay within it. If the cost of something was going to affect our bottom line, we either did without or paid out of pocket.

   One of the instances where we needed to make such a decision was on the floors. We knew we would be in the house forever and it would be easier to get the floors we wanted now as opposed to later. So, with toddlers, we splurged on wood and a good carpet in the living area. Funny thing about that was you pay up front, in full, to have it put back for later.  There was just no way we could do that. No credit cards, remember?

  We shopped around and found what really were the most practical choices, awesome, but practical. But, without the money, couldn't afford to reserve it. A day or two later, I got a notice in the mail from Spartanburg District 7. I hadn't been a teacher for District 7 since May 1st of 2007, and this was now July of 2010. Teacher's retirement was notifying me that I had an unknown amount in my account and if not returning to teach, could withdraw it, with a penalty. I knew it couldn't be much, I had only taught in SC for one year and that year had ended abruptly when Emerson came early. I called anyway, just to see.
   I spoke with a very nice woman who informed me that I had a little over $3000 in my retirement fund, plus a bonus for being in a high risk job and not filing any injury claims. (For those new in the audience, I taught in a self-contained unit for emotionally disturbed youth.) I didn't even know that was a real thing! In 3 years, I had never heard a word about it. Between not completing the school year and Emerson's health insurance, I had interacted with the district quite a bit in between and never knew about this money. Within the week, I received a "thank you for your service" letter and my check for just under $4000. Minus $38, my penalty for withdrawing it early.




Killer floors provided by the great state of South Carolina.

 God did things just like that throughout the building of the house. Every time it seemed like this could be a disaster or was taking way too long, God would come through in some way that said, "Hang in there, this is exactly what you're supposed to be doing. I'm going to see it through, just trust me."

 And He did......so we did. We were supposed to move in, in July. We moved in early November, 2 weeks before Berk's 2nd birthday and 3 weeks before our Christmas program. Remember that small window before our busy season? This wasn't it, lots went out that window. But, that's a story for a different time.







Heck, Yes Zebra!


   The house was beautiful and we loved it. I loved it. I really did. We had Pumpkin's birthday party, had the Christmas program and exactly five days later our season in the wilderness began. Not everyone can go back and give a specific date for such a season, but I can. December 13th. I know the day, the event and almost the hour that our whole world was turned upside down and shaken. And it was one month after we moved in.

The Building of The House

   *Disclaimer- We are gonna build the house and leave the house, so you hear the best part sooner, then go back to talk about living in the house. This makes sense in my head.


   When Andy and I came to Lubbock, there was a standing offer from a builder in our church. He would build a custom home at cost for any of the pastors on staff. We had been there 2 1/2 years and hadn't really felt led to take him up on this generous offer. After things settled down with Berkley and our finances, we began looking at houses. We wanted to be close to the church, in a good school district and we wanted to be able to entertain in our home. We spent several weeks looking, but continually came back to the builder.

 

   Please understand, there were a number of reasons that we were cautious and hesitant about building a house. It was not at all a case of us dying to do this or refusing other options. It was never something we were cavalier about. There's a lot of gray area in building a house. If you have ever done this before, you know it's easy to go over budget and easy to take longer than you anticipated. In fact, I would say it's normal if you do both. But we are not normal people...no snickering. We didn't have a flexible budget that gave us latitude and we really had a short window between our busy seasons that would work to move. From the beginning, everything in the natural made us want to wait and find something else. But, our spirits kept drawing us towards building. We weren't sure why we felt like the Lord was leading us to do this, but we did feel certain He was. So we began praying, we prayed for protection through the process, wisdom in decision making, and that finances would come available as needed. And, in March we broke ground on THE HOUSE.

As soon as it was framed, we had our family and both sets of grandparents come to the house and we had a house blessing. This does not involve incense or holy water. Each of us had spent several days praying about what Bible verses we felt the Lord leading us to and then we showed up with babies, blankets, Bibles and Sharpies....lots of Sharpies.

   We went room by room and prayed in agreement  over every specific area. We prayed for each of the kids rooms by name, asking for protection, wisdom and joy as we parent them. We prayed for their tender little hearts, as this would be the room they would learn about Christ, say bedtime prayers and one day ask Him into their hearts. And then we each wrote our chosen Scriptures.                    

   And, then we prayed in the Name of Jesus, by the blood of Jesus that the Enemy be bound from our children, our marriage and our home. Because we have just enough Holy Ghost in us!  Ha-laaaay-loooooo!

  

   There is no magic in what we did. It's not any kind of enchantment or spell. It's way more powerful than that. What we, did as a family, was acknowledge that everything we have comes from God. Our children, our marriage, our resources and yes, our new home was a direct result of His grace and provision. And because He has blessed us, we were committing to keeping our covenant with Him, in how we preserve each of these areas. Andy and I are very easy going and spontaneous people, but we are intentional and deliberate about things that are important. We were intentional about building the house. We didn't know how important this house would be, but we knew it was important and we knew we needed God in it. We wanted God's Name and Word in the foundation we built on, on the beams that would support our earthly covering, on the walls and in the halls, on the doors that we would pass through.....in and out of our sanctuary, in and out of our mission field.



Thoughtfulness went into every phase of the house. Even the lot was not an accident. The only lot the builder had available when we decided to build was less than half a mile and directly in front of the church with nothing separating us but a field and a dirt road. We could walk out our front door and to the South, see  our church, completely unobstructed. In the coming months, I often found myself standing in the yard, looking towards the church.



This verse, Hebrews 13:15 will be significant later.


    Anyone who has a home, whether they built it or not, has a tremendous sense of ownership and affection for their home. And, it was no different for us......Maybe a little different.....perhaps a tad.

    My first career was as an interior designer. I spent years planning and designing other peoples homes and I thoroughly enjoyed it. But, as I'm sure you can imagine, there is some level of frustration when you are always creating someone else's vision. It's still fun, but with every project you find yourself spending as much time thinking about what you would have done, if it were yours.
  
   Don't get me wrong, I got to fix up whatever house we were in, however I wanted to. (Thank you, honey!) But, building your own home from the dirt up, is every designer's dream job. In my case, outlandishly unrealistic fantasy job. People in ministry don't build new houses. At least, not very often. Perhaps better said, people in ministry don't go into ministry with this on their short list of objectives.
  
   Our builder gave us lots of freedom and opportunity to make choices and I took full advantage of every one. I got to pick out every light, every mirror and every knob. And not out of a set choice list or predetermined options. If I could find it reasonably, I could use it. It was the most fun I'd ever had! And it wasn't just picking out stuff either, I got to design every inch of every room. Inches, people! My favorite thing in my former, glamorous (Ha!) life was kitchen design. I spent weeks drawing elevations of cabinets, squeezing every inch out of every foot. I spent countless hours walking out traffic patterns and testing better heights and widths. I'm sure Andy thought I was a lunatic, as soon as he would come home I would start laying out wrinkled sheets of graph paper, taped together, with bits of fruit or smudgy finger prints all over them. And I would give him my "pitch" of why this one must go here or there or how ridiculous kitchens designed by men were...neanderthals. He would just smile and say "Great." "I love it." I knew he was just as excited as I was and didn't have the words to express it....enter winking emoticon here. Y'all by the time it was time to actually cut a piece of wood for a cabinet, I had done an entire virtual model of the kitchen using nothing but eyeshadow and the Crayola 48 as my palette! I was a nut! It was so gratifying and so fun. I enjoyed the whole process, hang ups and all.

 

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